Potentially Sane Mother's Guide to Raising Small Children (T. Fackrell)
Nearly 100 Activities and Parenting Ideas to Help You Feel Confident and In Control (Most of the Time)

Tamara A. Fackrell

Preface

I have had this book on my mind for more than a year. I finally decided to get it off my mind and onto some paper, and my brain has been thanking me ever since.
During my many hours awake with my fussy toddlers, I found the middle of the night a good time to ponder the concepts of this book, since I was generally dealing
with one child at a time. Then there was always morning, when I was back to mothering four children ages six and under. Crazily enough, since writing this manuscript, I
have had a fifth child. However, this book was written from my perspective when I had just four. The seed that began the book was planted during a visit to the
pediatrician. I was sitting with my sick child in a doctor's waiting room, and I began thumbing through an article in a parenting magazine by an acclaimed author with a
Ph.D. in child development. I read the proposed theory of how to teach a child to stop biting siblings and playmates. I mused, "I wonder if he even has kids, and if he
does, does he spend any time with them?" The instruction he offered was ludicrous. I began to ponder why more books had not been written by young mothers in the
throes of child-rearing. The question brought an immediate answer-no young mother has the time, and if even if she was willing to sleep even less than she already did,
where would she come up with the energy? I have read books by mothers of teenagers as they reflected on earlier child-rearing days, no doubt rejoicing at how their
teenagers were turning out. I wanted to write a book as a mother experiencing the wonderful but challenging journey firsthand, giving my brain only days or hours to
review the story before I put something on paper so my nostalgia would not airbrush how things really happened.

Many of the examples in this book are from my own experience, memory, and perspective. The point of observation becomes critical. Since this book was written by a
"mother in the trenches," most of my examples were taken from the perspective of one of the participants (me) and not from some clinical analyst peering into a family
relationship behind the safety of mirrored glass. Since memories are generally kind, they continually update our past, making it a little sweeter and mellower with the
passing of time. Had I been an observer of these experiences, or the child, or the husband for that matter (a dreadful thought in my way of thinking), I am sure my spin
on the experience would be radically different. Although all the examples are based on fact, I have filled in the detail according to my own sometimes jaundiced,
sometimes rose-colored perspective.

Although I am trained in law and have taken courses in child development, I am certainly not an expert in child development. Yet I have found that staying at home with
four young children, ages six, four, two, and new, has given me plenty of real-life experience in child and mother development. I wish that all who hold a formal degree
in child development would have to do an internship in my home or other similar homes for some additional training.

My mothering experience took place in my home with my young children, so this book is geared for mothers with younger children. However, I have also successfully
used many of these concepts, especially those in the first section, with teenagers when I was teaching a family course in conflict resolution. The best development of my
class has always come from practicing on and learning from my own children before teaching other people's children. The purpose of this book is to offer empathy and
a few suggestions on how to help strengthen your relationship with your family. Most moms do not have time to sit down and read an entire book. If you are nodding
your head in agreement, then you are in luck. This book is meant to be read in many short intervals. Coincidentally, there is one chapter for every day of a month. Every
minute of a mother's day is precious, so read through the book at your own pace.

Each chapter includes quotations, activities, and scriptures. As with most things in life, the activities are easier with children age three and older. I have found that some
of the activities even work with teenagers. However, our family has done most of the activities with two-year-olds and newborns included. Although they might not
grasp the concepts, they still love being part of the fun.

The best way to learn is to teach these concepts to others, so thank you for letting me do that. I am a firm believer in active learning, which in this case will likely be
more "hands off" than "hands on," as in "Children, keep your hands to yourself." After each section, I encourage you to practice the idea and then record your
experiences in your journal. When you set goals, be sure to tell someone else about them, as it's usually easier to follow through when others are included in the final
accomplishment.

I do not profess to be a perfect mother, and I have to laugh just thinking about needing to say so. My mother is a cross between Mary Poppins, Maria from The Sound
of Music, and Hugh Nibley, and she is the closest to a perfect mother-and person, for that matter-I personally know. But alas, you are stuck with me and my near-
perfect mother's encouragement.

Most of the examples in this book, both good and bad, come from my own experience. I have had to learn parenting just like everyone else, through trial and error. I
am not sure which one is predominant, trial or error, but if I had to venture a hypothesis, I would say error. While working on this manuscript, I have had dirty baby
fingers pounding on the keyboard and crying children threatening to turn off the computer. Our children usually won those battles because I could not say, "Children,
don't bother me. I'm trying to write a book on how to be a better mother!" Therefore, most of the writing was squeezed in during my only uninterrupted time-when the
children were all sleeping at the same time, which was about two hours a night. Okay, maybe three. I offer these "secrets" in the hope that by sharing and persisting we
will all become better mothers.

Acknowledgments

I am eternally grateful to my parents, Don and Mary Ashworth, for all their love, guidance, and inspiration. I am indebted to my patient and loving husband, who
supported me immensely during this project. I would like to thank my wonderful children, Connor, Serena, Ashdon, Stirling, and Camdon, who inspire me each day to
be a better mother. Thanks to Lerl and Faye Fackrell for love and support. Thank you to Tara McKinney and Kathy Pullins for all your editing and suggestions. Much
appreciation to a certain group from Arizona at Women's Conference who each took a section of the book and proofed it for me. Thank you to my friends Patrice
Harris, Charisse Mask, Liz Kabbush-Soto, Emily Nelson, and Laly Malzl, who gave me ideas, read my first draft, and gave me many valuable suggestions. Much love
and appreciation to my family: Heidi Heras, Kristen Hansen, Krystaly Koch, Danny Ashworth, Jay Ashworth, and Candace Simpson for all their suggestions. Many
thanks to Susan Bradshaw, who gave me structural ideas for the activities. I would like to thank the people at Deseret Book, particularly Emily Watts, Chris
Schoebinger, and Jack Lyon. Thank you to the McLean family for getting the ball rolling. Finally, thanks to all my family members and friends who gave me ideas, read
sections, and gave valuable feedback.

Understanding the Essentials
The Blessings of a Family Team
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"A hundred years from now it will not matter how much money you had in your bank account, what your job title was, or what your status was in society-what will
matter are the different relationships you've developed, and how you've influenced each one for eternity. It is not enough to love those who are near and dear to us. We
must show them we do so."
Understanding the Essentials
The Blessings of a Family Team

"A hundred years from now it will not matter how much money you had in your bank account, what your job title was, or what your status was in society-what will
matter are the different relationships you've developed, and how you've influenced each one for eternity. It is not enough to love those who are near and dear to us. We
must show them we do so."

-Lord Avebury

W ill the perfect day ever come? I have been changing approximately seven diapers a day for the past six and a half years. That's more than 16,500 diapers! I did have
a short reprieve when my husband, Jake, and I went on a mini-vacation with intentions of sleeping clear through the night without our children. Of course, we spent
most of the vacation missing our children and wishing they were all there with us, diaper duty notwithstanding. I have purposely spaced my children about two years
apart, which leaves little room for complaint. Hence, when a newborn arrives, I always have a toddler in diapers. Basically, I have alternated every other year with two
children in diapers, then one child in diapers. In the past 2,372 nights, I have had only a handful of times when I have slept uninterrupted until rays of sunshine ushered in
another day. Even nights when I have the possibility of sleeping until morning's light, I instinctively wake up, because my body and my subconscious mind anticipate the
pitter-patter of little feet on my face at any moment. My nights can be likened to a game of freeze-dance, with the sleeping moments being the part when I am frozen.
The long periods of dancing come when I am attending to frequent newborn feedings, a cranky crying toddler, and potty parades for the two older children.
Occasionally I wake up in the morning feeling ready to go back to bed and looking like a zombie. I look forward to the day when I have some extra time and the first
thing that comes to mind is not "I'd like to take a nap." Most mornings, getting ready means asking myself if my shirt will camouflage the spit-up. Dry-clean-only clothes
are currently not an option.

The perfect day did come. Imagine a day with four children, ages six, four, two, and new, at the zoo. We had a marvelous time making memories together. My
husband was patient and loving (as he usually is) and held our two-year-old on his shoulders most of the day. Our only problem was that we had inadvertently left our
stroller at home. That was easily solved by renting a stroller cleverly disguised as an army jeep with double seats. Our older children took turns holding their baby
brother while riding in the green, push-along safari jeep.

We looked at the animals in the zoo, and, not surprisingly, the animals looked at us. I am not sure who was more amused. We had no crying, unless you count my tears
of happiness. Can you believe it? The children spoke kindly to one another, and they shared. We snapped a picture of my husband and six-year-old touching the tail of
a scaly iguana and another photo of a member of our little family admiring the adorable mama and baby polar bears.

Imagine a whole day I actually want to keep in my mothering memory bank! On the way to dinner at a non-fast-food restaurant (no playland), the children did not even
fight in the car. It was a miracle, a day I will remember for the rest of my life. We were a family team, working together for harmony and love. At the end of the day, I
wanted to pinch myself to make sure I was not sleeping, because the day was a mother's dream come true.

Developing a Family Team

Fond memories like our perfect zoo day have helped me think of our family as a "family team." Imagine a basketball team. What happens if one player starts playing for
the other team? Does it affect the other players? What happens if someone misses the winning free throw? Is he or she the only person to blame for the loss? Better
yet, let's say the person makes the free throw. Is he or she the only person responsible for the win? It is important for children and parents to understand that their
actions influence the entire family. When one person is dealing with a difficult problem, the entire family is often affected.

A major part of Heavenly Father's plan is to bring us to earth in family units or teams. Being a member of a family team means watching out for the best interests of
other team members. When our children share with each other and positively affect the mood of our family, I try to reinforce their behavior by saying something like,
"Wow! You are a great member of our family team." This has impressed our children so much that they often make memorable observations about our family team. For
example, my husband and I go on a date most Fridays. Sometimes the dates take place at home, and sometimes we have an evening out. On one home date, my
husband and I decided to watch a movie. We had put the kids to bed, and all was quiet. Soon we heard little footsteps in the hallway and a boisterous burst of giggles
as the three children came out of the shadows to reveal themselves. Our oldest son explained why they were there: "When you watch a movie without us, that's not
being a family team." We quickly explained the importance of Mommy and Daddy (the team captains) spending time together alone to strengthen our family team, and
the kids surrendered and went back to bed. Our children love being part of our family team, which provides a structure for success.

When we do chores in our family, we do them for the sake of our family team-and my sanity, of course. Sometimes my oldest son will do bonus chores or extra things
he was not asked to do. He will usually exclaim, "Mommy, I did a bonus for our family team!" Another way we remember the family team is by saying, "Some things
we never do in our family, and that is one of them." Our children have abbreviated the statement to "We don't do that in our family." Indeed, my oldest son and
daughter have become the "word police."

Whenever friends or family come to visit, our children keep a listening ear for things we do not say in our family: "shut up," "stupid," "dummy," "hate," and so on. On one
such occasion, I was in the middle of telling a dramatic story, and my oldest son kept interrupting, trying to get my attention. Finally I paused and asked, "Connor, what
do you need?" He replied, "Mommy, you said 'stupid,' and we do not say that in our family." Our guests and I had to chuckle at his focused persistence, strong
reminder, and calm demeanor while issuing the citation.

Sometimes being part of a family team is difficult and requires sacrifice. My toddler son was recently in the hospital. The nurses and technicians had to draw blood
several times and then insert an IV. While they were poking him with all these needles, he was crying uncontrollably. At one point he looked up at me, and his gaze
implored, "Mommy, how can you let them do this to me?" I could barely stand to witness his distress and tried to comfort him, but my efforts could not take away the
agony, his or mine. I knew these measures were necessary for him to regain his health. The needles were in his best interest, but they still hurt him. Similarly, we must
sometimes experience profound challenges in our lives to learn, grow, and improve. Our Heavenly Father looks down upon us, knowing that these experiences will
provide growth and bring us closer to him.

I often talk with my six-year-old about helping around the house and helping with his younger siblings. This requires him to make sacrifices because he would obviously
rather be playing. He is learning that life is not just about playing, although we do play a lot. It's about finding satisfaction in work, love, learning, growth, and being
together forever. Being part of a family team is about helping one another and sticking together even when life inevitably gets complicated and difficult.

A family team works together in unity, knowing it requires hard work, patience, and huge doses of love.

Learning to Talk About It

When something is happening in our family that the children or the parents want to cry or complain about, we discuss it instead. This has worked wonders. If there are
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things      (c) want
       I do not 2005-2009,    Infobase
                      to discuss         Media
                                 right then,     Corp.reply, "We'll talk about it later." The key is that we always do talk about it later. This shows the children
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postponing talking about it so I can say no later. In fact, when I tell my son, "We'll talk about it," he usually jumps with joy and anticipation. When my daughter begins
to cry and fuss, I ask her, "What should we do?" She usually replies, "Can we talk about it?" When our children make an effort to talk about their problems instead of
Learning to Talk About It

When something is happening in our family that the children or the parents want to cry or complain about, we discuss it instead. This has worked wonders. If there are
things I do not want to discuss right then, I simply reply, "We'll talk about it later." The key is that we always do talk about it later. This shows the children I'm not just
postponing talking about it so I can say no later. In fact, when I tell my son, "We'll talk about it," he usually jumps with joy and anticipation. When my daughter begins
to cry and fuss, I ask her, "What should we do?" She usually replies, "Can we talk about it?" When our children make an effort to talk about their problems instead of
fussing, I try to help them develop a positive resolution to the problem to reinforce their behavior. Sometimes, if they just take some time to think about the situation,
time will solve or dissolve many problems. Most of all, talking about things has reduced the number of tantrums, mine as well as our children's, in our home. It has also
helped us to communicate better as a family.

I have been amazed to see the intelligence and perceptiveness of children. Whenever I have a recurring problem, instead of thinking of a solution myself, I will often
bring the problem to our children before it turns into a catastrophe. Some may think young children are too inexperienced to come up with answers, but I have found
the opposite to be true. For example, one night after I had tucked the children in bed, I was having trouble keeping them in bed, so I decided I would bring the problem
to them. They have the best answers because they are the ones directly involved. Our children came up with the idea of making a sticker chart and a candy reward
after many nights of staying in bed as an incentive. It has worked! When you have child-related problems to solve, let the children be involved in seeking a solution.

"Talking about it" encourages respectful communication. Allowing children to be involved in problem-solving while they are young gives them skills, confidence, and
courage.

Maintaining Unity in Parenting

Parenting is often challenging, and it is important that you and your spouse reinforce the family team concept by having a united front. Whether you are parenting
together in the home or are co-parents who are divorced, the concept is the same. Most often, the mother's and father's parenting styles are different. That's okay, but
when one parent is dealing with the situation, the other parent should not scold or disagree in front of the children. This confuses children and encourages them to play
one parent against the other, asking the other parent even when one has said already no.

For example, my son asked my husband if he could go to a friend's house. My husband said he could not go, and then my son came to ask me if he could go. I told my
son he could go, because I did not know that my husband had already said no. When I discovered that my husband had said no, I told my son, "If one parent says no,
that is the answer, and it is not fair for you to ask me when you already asked Dad." Our family rule is if one parent says no then the child is not allowed to ask the
other parent for permission.

I also do not tell my children, "Wait until Dad gets home. You will be in big trouble." This creates a "bad guy" image of the father. There are times I disagree with how
my husband disciplines, and sometimes he disagrees with me, but we stand united in front of the children and then talk about our differences privately. This is one area I
really had to work on. When we began parenting together, I would sometimes intervene, and I know the trouble it can cause. An easy rule to remember is that the
person who begins the disciplining should finish it. You should not encourage children to come to Mommy when they are in trouble with Dad. After the incident is over,
of course, a mother can comfort, but she should not intervene. My daughter has learned that we are united as a parenting team, so when she is in trouble she cries for
Grandma. (My mom claims that grandmothering is "twice as much fun and a tenth as much work" as parenting.)

Of course, there may be exceptions to this rule, especially when abuse is involved, but for normal parenting, stick to the teachings of the Church and stick together as
parents. Maintaining a united front is important. Never undercut the other parent, and even if you cannot agree, counsel together and then say, "We do not exactly
agree on what to do, but we decided it would be best if . . ." Being supportive of the other parent is essential in disciplining and having an effective family team. It helps
with your relationship too.

Working together as parents helps the family be unified.

Summary

Inviting our children to be part of a team has helped them feel wanted and needed. They learn even at a young age that their actions affect our family. Recently, I tried
to get some crushed ice from the refrigerator icemaker, but the ice would not come out. I continued to push and then realized my mammoth mistake. I cautiously
opened the freezer, but the damage was already done. Tons of tiny ice chips came rushing out and onto the floor. I looked chagrined, but my oldest son said, "Don't
worry, Mom. Wea family team. Let's all pick them up." As my dad always said, "Many hands make light work," a concept that is the essence of a family team. Being a
team can bring happiness, harmony, and joy into the home.

Making It Work

Be a family team and focus on blessings. For maximum success, the whole family must be involved in being a team. Have a family night when you introduce the idea. If
you are not having family night, begin immediately! Whether you are doing chores together, playing together, or driving together, enjoy the moments of harmony when
your family is together. So often we focus only on the conflicts rather than the continual blessings we receive. Once when I was going through a difficult time, a friend
urged, "Focus on your blessings. They may be small right now, but they're all you have."

Have a positive attitude. I have found that when a conflict involves me, the easiest solution is to change my attitude about the situation. If the problem does not involve
me, I try to help those in the conflict offer their own solutions. The problem makers are usually the best problem solvers.

If conflict does occur, work it out. Conflict cannot be avoided. Conflict of some sort usually occurs daily, and every family has problems. Indeed, in a home with
toddlers, conflicts can occur minute-by-minute. Learn to think of conflicts as positive challenges. From conflict you can gain growth, opportunity, learning, resolution,
satisfaction, friendship, and (everyone's favorite) patience. Relationships can be strengthened during conflict if it is approached in the right manner. One couple told me
how relieved they were to know that every family deals with problems and conflicts. Somehow they thought they were the only people in the community who had
problems. Think of conflict in your family as an opportunity to learn. When conflict does occur, let everyone involved in the conflict brainstorm different solutions. Then
select one and implement it. Allow your children to be involved in brainstorming as soon as they can talk. After a conflict, discuss what you have learned as a family.

Family Teaching Activity 1: Homemade Ice Cream Team

Materials needed:

Ice cream ingredients:

1Copyright
  quart whole
           (c)milk
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1 quart half and half
Ice cream ingredients:

1 quart whole milk

1 quart half and half

2 cups sugar

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Other items:

Ice

Rock salt

1 gallon-sized zipper bag

1 pint-sized zipper bag for every two people

Mix the ice cream ingredients together and pour the mixture back into the containers.

Have family members pair up. If necessary, put a parent in charge of each younger pair.

One partner takes a large bag, and the other partner takes a small bag.

Fill the large bag half full of ice and sprinkle in plenty of rock salt (in my grandmother's measurements, about two handfuls; for small hands, three to four).

Pour the milk mixture into the small bag until it's half full.

Press all the air out of the small bag and place it inside the large one. Press all the air out of the large bag.

To make ice cream, the bag needs constant movement. Work in teams to keep it constantly moving until you reach your goal. The process takes about fifteen minutes-
ten if you prefer a milkshake consistency.

Add toppings to make your treat even more delicious.

Talk about how this activity involved teamwork. Sometimes the team members' hands got cold-sometimes teamwork can be uncomfortable-but it is nice to share the
burden with another person. Explain that working together is sometimes hard, but sweet is the reward.

Scripture: Matthew 12:25.

Our family has done this activity many times, and we have placed it first because it is a family favorite. I often refer to this activity to remind our children of working
together as a family team.

Family Teaching Activity 2: Good Listeners

This object lesson teaches the traits of a good listener. Plan to do the demonstration with another adult partner. Ask the partner, "What was the best vacation you have
ever been on?" Then look at your children and say, "I am not going to listen; watch what I do." While the vacation story is being told, separately perform the following
negative listening traits: (1) put your hands over your ears; (2) close your eyes; (3) dance around the room; (4) repeat several times, "Wow, I wonder what we are
going to have for dessert?" Then talk to your children about each problem that occurred. Ask the partner how he or she felt. Then have the partner tell the story again.
This time, using good listening traits, emphasize each of the following: (1) cup your ears with your hands so you have your "listening ears" on; (2) make circles with your
hands on your eyes to emphasize good eye contact; (3) give undivided attention and fold your arms; (4) move your hand over your head, indicating a clear mind
focused on the speaker; and (5) put your finger to your mouth for "listening lips." After the demonstration, discuss each of the five traits. Have your children practice
cupping their ears, making "hand-glasses" for their eyes, sitting still with folded arms, clearing their mind with their hands, and putting their fingers to their mouths. Sing
"Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" with the actions, getting faster with each singing: "Eyes, arms, mouth, and ears; mouth and ears; mouth and ears. Eyes, arms,
mouth and ears; have your mind go clear!"

Ask your children why they feel being a good listener is important. Share an experience about listening (good or bad) with your children. Encourage them to take time
to listen to each other and review the five steps often.

Scripture: James 1:19.

After I did this exercise with our children, we continued to make the signs of good listeners, especially when they were lacking the trait. My two-year-old makes the
signs even though he does not understand the concept. When I want my children to listen and they are watching a movie, I will ask for them to put on their listening
eyeglasses and look at me. My oldest will sometimes tell me to put on my listening ears so he can have my undivided attention.

Family Teaching Activity 3: The Family T.E.A.M

Materials needed: A basketball or other ball representing the sport of your choice.

Show the family the ball and ask them how a basketball team works together. What happens if one player on the team starts playing for the other team? Does it affect
the other players? What happens if a person misses the winning free throw? Is he or she the only person to blame for the loss? Better yet, let's say the person makes
the free throw. Is he or she the only person responsible for the win? Talk about the importance of working together as a family team. Identify ways and examples of
how your family has already worked together as a team. Reinforce this concept whenever possible. Repeat the following memory aid: (T) Teamwork; (E) Everyone in
the family is involved; (A) Appreciation for one another; (M) Make family the priority. Then have the family sing a variation of "If You're Happy and You Know It": "If
we  are a team
 Copyright   (c)and know it, clap
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                              Infobase  Media(stomp
                                               Corp. your feet, jump up high, smile big, shout hooray). If we are a team and know it, clap your hands. IfPage
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and know it, and you really want to show it, if we are a team and know it, clap your hands."

Scripture: Ephesians 4:29-32.
the other players? What happens if a person misses the winning free throw? Is he or she the only person to blame for the loss? Better yet, let's say the person makes
the free throw. Is he or she the only person responsible for the win? Talk about the importance of working together as a family team. Identify ways and examples of
how your family has already worked together as a team. Reinforce this concept whenever possible. Repeat the following memory aid: (T) Teamwork; (E) Everyone in
the family is involved; (A) Appreciation for one another; (M) Make family the priority. Then have the family sing a variation of "If You're Happy and You Know It": "If
we are a team and know it, clap your hands (stomp your feet, jump up high, smile big, shout hooray). If we are a team and know it, clap your hands. If we are a team
and know it, and you really want to show it, if we are a team and know it, clap your hands."

Scripture: Ephesians 4:29-32.

I first did this activity with our children in 1999 when I developed the idea for a family conflict curriculum. The family team has brought increased joy into our home.
Since my son has decided to play basketball on a city team, the analogy of the team is even more pertinent. As noted in this chapter, our children have incorporated the
family team into daily life. I let them fill in the blank with "family team" when I say, "Let's work together because we are a ________."

Giving Your Chlidren Choices

"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let him know that you trust him." -Booker T. Washington

R ecently my children and I were visiting one of their aunts, which is always an interesting experience-for my sister. Yet for our children it is usually a grueling exercise in
self-mastery. Sometimes they succeed, and other times they fail. The house is filled with breakables in a wide range of accessibility: tempting crystal goblets and other
bric-a-brac permanently set on the dining-room table to create an elegant ambiance. (For some reason my brightly colored plastic plates and cups do not have the
same effect, even though we call them our children's china.) My daughter, Serena, wanted to stand on her aunt's pristine, black leather couch with her shoes on. Rather
than force her with stern words to obey, I simply gave her a choice: "Serena, do you want to take your shoes off or go play in the family room with your shoes on?"
When I said this, her aunt gave me an acquiescing glance affirming that Serena could stand on the beautiful leather couch in her stocking feet. Serena hastily chose to
play in the family room, which was designed for little tennis-shoe-clad feet. I gave her a choice.

Giving Choices

Giving choices is empowering. As mothers, we make hundreds of choices every day. These choices merge to create the cuddly blanket of memory for our children.
Let's not leave them with any holes. I try to consciously make the motherly choice to give my children choices.

Once a friend and I were discussing choices, and she complained, "If I tell my little girl she can either sit here and be quiet or go to her room, that is not really much of a
choice." I explained that preschoolers can feel empowered when given simple choices. In fact, when we have formal company over, our children instantly seem to have
small, social, hymenopterous insects of the Formicidae family in their levi deninium, producing a series of rhythmic, concerted movements-otherwise translated as "ants
in their pants, making them do the boogie dance." Hence, I often give our children the choice of playing in the toy room or sitting kind of quietly with the guests. Sitting
still for several consecutive seconds may seem like eternity to a child, but it is still a choice.

There is one main guideline to giving your children choices. You must give them choices that really are available. You would not give your children the choice of playing
out back on the swings like a monkey or going to the circus and seeing real monkeys if you know the circus will not be in town for at least a month.

There are many choices that have no right or wrong answer. These are the learning opportunities I cannot pass up. For example, my daughter wanted an ice pop, and
there were three different colors to choose from. I asked, "Which color do you want, red, blue, or yellow?" She made the choice. Then I remarked, "Wow, that was a
good choice! Red is my favorite too." Another straightforward choice comes when I fix breakfast in the morning: "Do you want cereal, eggs, or toast?" Children can
also choose a shirt to match an outfit. For protection against stripes and polka dots in the same vogue display, pick out a few shirts that match and then let your children
choose one. For older children, the same opportunities come time and time again. Let your children fill in details of activities and make many choices. When possible,
give your children three choices instead of just two. This prepares them to be good problem solvers.

There are bountiful opportunities to give children choices. I find the best time to give choices is when children ask for something they cannot have. I quickly try to think
of two other options they can choose from. Here are some questions you can use to help your children make decisions:

" Which kind of cereal do you want?

" Do you want to butter your toast, or do you want me to?

" How would you like your eggs cooked, scrambled or fried?

" Which shirt would you like to wear with these jeans?

" Which story should I read to you?

" Which activity would you like to do?

" Which movie would you like to watch?

" What should we make for dinner?

" Would you rather vacuum the stairs or put away the silverware?

" Do you want to go to the park or jump on the trampoline?

" Which doll do you want to play with?

" Which bedtime story should we tell tonight?

" Do you want to go or stay home?

" Which pajamas do you want to wear?

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Giving your children choices fosters healthy independence and trust.
" Do you want to go or stay home?

" Which pajamas do you want to wear?

" Which do you want to drink, water or juice?

Giving your children choices fosters healthy independence and trust.

When Giving Children Choices Don't Look for the "Right" Answer

Giving choices to individual children is a good thing. However, giving a choice that can have only one participant to more than one child can lead to problems. Our
family says many prayers throughout the day. We used to ask our children, "Who wants to say the prayer?" Problems arose when both Connor and Serena wanted to
say the prayer. Their desire filled me with joy, but there would often be tears from the child who did not get to pray, and not crocodile tears, either.

Most of the time we would compromise with two prayers, but then we had to decide which child would say the first prayer. Now, we just choose someone, which has
reduced the problem. Usually we will apply a fair standard, such as "Serena gave the last prayer, so Connor, it is your turn. Will you say it?" (Only two of our four
children can give comprehensible prayers, but we sometimes let the older children help our two-year-old pray, which is a two-for-the-price-of-one special.)

Giving a choice with one answer to more than one person can really cause problems. If there is only one right answer or a choice where only one person can do the
task or activity, then you choose.

Give choices only when the answer allows for the choices to be implemented.

Examining and Learning from Choices

After your children have made an improper choice between right and wrong-commandment number 5 immediately comes to mind ("Honor thy father and thy mother")-
you should talk to them about what would have been an acceptable choice. This prepares them if the situation comes up again. You might ask, "Let's think of some
different solutions. What could you have done?" I also prepare our children for possible situations that may occur. "What would you do if you were lost in a store?" "I
would stay right there and not move, or I would find a grown-up to help me." Now instead of being fearful they have confidence that I will come for them. Fortunately
for me, none of them has ever been lost, but they are prepared if it ever happens.

I love to use examples of other people to help our children understand how problems can be solved. A friend of my oldest son began to cry and fuss when he could not
find his coat. The friend's mother was waiting at the door, insisting that he find the coat immediately. After a quick search, we found it. After this saga, I asked my son
what his friend could have done to solve the problem. We thought of many solutions: put the coat on the coat rack when he comes over, look for the coat instead of
crying, ask others to help him find the coat, or leave without the coat and get it later. Brainstorming solutions to others' problems is helpful because it does not make
your children feel like bad kids when they make a mistake.

Asking your children what they could have done helps prepare them for similar situations in the future.

Choices with Discipline

I also let my two oldest children make choices with consequences. Sometimes when our children disobey, they can choose the results. For example, my oldest son
loves to play an extremely time-consuming computer game. I feel that even a child's time is valuable, so his playtime for that game is limited to Fridays, a privilege he
revels in. After he was purposely teasing his sister, he was told one consequence might be that he could not play his prized computer game on the upcoming Friday. I
particularly dislike teasing because, much to my mother's chagrin, my older brother used to infuriate me by saying I had bugs in my hair. You can imagine my frightened,
four-year-old response, which included frantic head shaking and wibble-wobble dancing to get rid of the bugs my brother invented to torment me. After the teasing
incident with my son, he was so distressed that we struck a compromise. I said, "You can either not play the computer game, be restricted from friends, or do hard
labor. You choose." He chose hard labor, which means doing extra chores like folding socks-a tradition I have handed down to my children. Other times, I tell them to
think of options and I will choose. Either way, my children have choices.

I recently attended a dinner reception and had a wonderful conversation with the woman sitting next to me. We started talking about the concepts of this book. She
asked, "What if I ask our children to give a consequence and they say something ridiculous like 'We can beat each other up'?" When you first begin letting your children
have more say in their consequences, they may give outlandish answers like that one. If so, say that if they cannot come up with something reasonable, they can be
subject to Mother's ultimatum. Of course, for each mother the ultimatum will be different, but with my mountain of laundry, folding clothes is always at the top of the list.

Letting children make some decisions about consequences gives them some movement even when they have backed themselves into a corner.

"That Is a Great Solution!"

Another useful tool is the sentence "That is a great solution!" My children often come to me with a problem, and my tendency as a mother is to want to solve it
immediately. For many problems, you should resist this urge, especially when two children are not getting along. Children are great at coming up with solutions to their
problems, so let them do it. For example, suppose your children are not sharing. Instead of intervening, try to help them work out a solution they are both happy with.
Once one of children exclaimed, "Mommy, the baby bit my finger!" I felt like saying, "Well, don't put your finger in the baby's mouth." Instead, I probed for a thoughtful
response. "Are you okay? What do you think you could do so the baby doesn't bite you?" The answers were amusing and good solutions to the problem. They
included, "Let him eat some food instead," "Pull my finger out of his mouth," and "Teach the baby to stop biting."

Sometimes my daughter comes to me and says, "Mommy, I'm thirsty." I fight the inclination to just get her a drink and instead ask, "What can we do about that?" She
replies, "We can get me a drink." Then I say, "That is a great solution! How did you think of that?" She always replies, "Because I'm smart!"

"That is a great solution!" works with nearly any problem children bring you. Once when we were about to eat dinner, my son did not have a shirt on, so his dad asked
him to get dressed. He dillydallied around, and we finally started dinner without him. When he returned with his shirt on, he was devastated and refused to eat. Finally
he blurted out, "Mommy, can we talk about it?" So we sat in the other room and talked about it. I began by saying, "You're upset because we started dinner without
you. The problem is that you took so long to get your shirt on, and we needed to begin dinner so it would not be cold. Can you think of any solutions?" He said, "No, I
can't." I told him he must need time to think so he could come up with a satisfactory solution. After a while he said, "Okay, this one time I will eat dinner without you,
but next time please wait for me, and I will try to hurry and put my shirt on as fast as I can." Of course I told him that was an excellent solution. He was happy he had a
choice and was able to come up with his own answer to his problem.

Resist the urge
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                                        problems. Let them come up with their own great solutions.
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Brainstorming
can't." I told him he must need time to think so he could come up with a satisfactory solution. After a while he said, "Okay, this one time I will eat dinner without you,
but next time please wait for me, and I will try to hurry and put my shirt on as fast as I can." Of course I told him that was an excellent solution. He was happy he had a
choice and was able to come up with his own answer to his problem.

Resist the urge to solve your children's problems. Let them come up with their own great solutions.

Brainstorming

Letting children brainstorm potential solutions to problems is another way to empower them. Brainstorming sessions should follow these rules for maximize
effectiveness:

" Do not judge any ideas as they are given. Doing so can thwart the creative process.

" Think of as many ideas as you can.

" After all the ideas have been suggested, organize them.

" Prioritize the ideas by finding out who likes which ones (usually by voting).

" Combine options. This is one of the most crucial steps, and it is often missed. You can combine many ideas to come up with a creative solution.

" Develop the details of your plan.

" Follow through with your plan.

Our family once planned a family "vacation" in our own hometown. The object of the excursion was to treat ourselves like tourists. We came up with many possible
things to do for the exhilarating event. After making a list including but not limited to playing laser tag, enjoying the children's museum, going to Pioneer Park, visiting the
zoo, bowling, eating somewhere exciting, and going to the planetarium, we voted on visiting the zoo and eating at a favorite restaurant, which coincidentally led to our
perfect day.

Allow your children to brainstorm three options to problems or ideas. Combine the best options for the satisfaction of everyone involved.

Why Questions

Another way to empower your children is to help them with their "why" questions. My son will say, "Mommy, why do we have to go to bed right now?" I will reply,
"Why do you think?" Of course, I always blame going to bed on the moon and the clock, which are two items I have no control over. When the clock says 8:00, it is
time for bed. My daughter asks other questions, such as, "Why do I have to go to preschool?" "Why can't I eat my candy before dinner?" "Why do I have to have quiet
time?" I always try to let our children think of an answer before I delve into a logical explanation.

Practice brainstorming with "why" questions. Have your children come up with three possibilities for each one.

Empowerment

Another way of empowering your children is to give them some skills. For example, my daughter has recently gone through a major Band-Aid stage. She asks for a
Band-Aid at least four times a day for real and invented "owies." I would always just go to the cupboard and get her the Band-Aid. One day she said, "Mommy, can
you put the Band-Aids down so I can get them myself?" I decided this was a great idea, so we moved the Band-Aids lower where she could reach them. Next, she
wanted to learn how to put on a Band-Aid all by herself. The easiest and quickest thing to do would have been to put the Band-Aid on her, but the easy approach did
not empower her. Instead, I showed her how to open the Band-Aid and how to put it on. You may think this task aims too high, but after a lot of practice, she became
a skilled Band-Aid opener. In fact, once when I wanted to put on her bandage myself, she hastily took it from me and said, "Here, let me do it, Mom." Serena is now a
Band-Aid expert. She is so proud she can accomplish this task on her own, and because she has learned this skill, she can do it over and over again rather than asking
me to do it for her.

Empowerment allows the person to leave actually knowing how to do the task. Empower your children when you feel it is appropriate, and they will learn great skills
and develop talents early in life. The old saying goes, "If you catch a fish for a man, you have fed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you have fed him for a
lifetime."

Empower your children by teaching them how to do things instead of always doing things for them.

Summary

I feel our children are good problem-solvers because I urge them to think of their own solutions. If they are stuck and cannot think of anything, I suggest a few possible
options. If they find them inadequate, I ask them to come back to me when they have some ideas of their own. Giving your children choices is a process that generally
works well for all.

Making It Work

Let your children brainstorm solutions to their own problems. Do I always solve problems for our children, or do I let them come up with possible solutions? How can I
help our children solve problems? Write a list of recent problems your children have come to you with. How could they have been solved better if your children had
been involved in coming up with solutions?

Help your family follow through with their commitments. Once you have brainstormed a solution, the easy part is over. Usually the harder part is following through with
the commitment. If it is a long and detailed solution, you may want to write it down to remember the specific steps. Help your children keep their devotion to the
project.

Develop the skill of empowerment. It seems so easy to solve other people's problems. Developing the ability to empower others helps them solve their own problems
with your encouragement. Practice empowering instead of jumping in and solving problems yourself. Empowering usually takes more time initially, but generally people
are more satisfied with results they have come up with on their own.
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Family Teaching Activity 4: The "Our Town" Tour

Materials needed: Tourist ideas, paper, pencil, and the energy to participate in an activity.
Develop the skill of empowerment. It seems so easy to solve other people's problems. Developing the ability to empower others helps them solve their own problems
with your encouragement. Practice empowering instead of jumping in and solving problems yourself. Empowering usually takes more time initially, but generally people
are more satisfied with results they have come up with on their own.

Family Teaching Activity 4: The "Our Town" Tour

Materials needed: Tourist ideas, paper, pencil, and the energy to participate in an activity.

As a family, pretend to be tourists for a day. Get a book from the library, clip tourist ideas from the newspaper, or (like our family) look through your local coupon
books for places to go and things to do. Brainstorm together and make a list of activities. Decide which one would be best for your family. You may want to keep the
list for future tourist days. Make plans to do the activity. Then go do it! Remember your camera and, unlike me, do not forget your stroller!

Scripture: Moses 7:18.

This activity led to our "perfect day" at the zoo, complete with harmony, love, and sharing. It was a day I will never forget!

Family Teaching Activity 5: Family Motto

Materials needed: A piece of paper and a pencil.

There is a lot of value in creating a family motto, especially when the family uses brainstorming to think of one. Brainstorm family mottos, and after you have developed
one, do something special with it. For example, my dad got us all pendants that read "Do the Right." You can tie a quilt with your motto printed on it, make a sign and
frame it in your living room, or make a family flag.

Scripture: Mosiah 18:21.

We created our family motto after we had lots of feedback from the children. ("I like to play dollies." "Choose the right." "Keep the commandments." "A hard work is a
hard work." "Return with honor.") We combined options and made something new. Our current family motto is "Pray hard, work hard, play hard." As I taught a
conflict-resolution class for some elementary students and their families, I was amazed to see the creativity of each family as they created their mottos. Each motto
always fit the family who created it.

Family Teaching Activity 6: The Family Flag

Materials needed: Old sheet, fabric or paper, finger paint, and permanent markers.

Brainstorm designs for a family flag. Take a bed sheet and trim it to a manageable flag size, then write your family name in bold letters and make a creative design with
your children's help. The flag may be covered with various scribbles, but that is part of the fun. You may want to include handprints and footprints of all your family.
Even a newborn can participate in making footprints! After the activity, discuss some goals for your family.

Scripture: James 1:5.

Our children loved this activity because the point of the flag was not to make it flawless and beautiful, but to let everyone be involved. Even my two-year-old added
some scribbles. Of course, we noted which scribbles belonged to each child.

Demanding Versus Teamwork

"The best team doesn't win nearly as often as the team that gets along best." -Rob Gilbert

I remember going as a child to a friend's house, where her hostile parents screamed at each other and at us. I was scared. I wanted to go home immediately! I wanted
to be in my peaceful, secure home, where I knew I would not be in trouble every minute and my mother would not yell at me. Now that I am a mother, I am struggling
to give our children the same kind of home life my parents provided for me. I find it easy to raise my voice and demand obedience, but I always pay the price in our
relationships. When I get mad, my children get upset, and then it takes twice as long to get them settled down again. When Mom is upset, the whole world is upset.

Demanding

Some think that children should be seen and not heard, or that children should "Do as I say-obey." This shows the common, yet flawed, vertical, authoritarian
relationship of parent and child. Demanding means using physical or emotional force to get your way. I feel that demanding is sometimes necessary. It should not be
used as a main course, however, but as a condiment. Parents should also develop a horizontal relationship, a friendship, with their children. Demanding is most
appropriate in emergency situations: the house is burning down, we are late for a BYU game, or teamwork has been tried unsuccessfully. Demanding can have
unfortunate, long-term consequences. First, the person being coerced does not feel valued. Second, the person being demanded upon is usually is unhappy with the
process and the solution. Third, demanding produces anger almost immediately. Fourth, if demands are used consistently over a long period, rebellion often occurs.

I have noticed I demand more when I am short on time and long on things to do. This happened continually when we had an early church schedule (any time before
noon). Sunday was more a day of turbulence than a day of rest. Finally, we decided we would make a goal to leave the house fifteen minutes before church began and
get the clothes and bottles ready the night before. This way we were not doing the last-minute push that caused so many problems. We now have time to sit and
ponder before the meeting begins, or at least that is the theory. Sundays are now much more enjoyable. We do have to get up a little earlier, but it is worth it. Poor time
management was also a problem when my son used to wait until the last minute to get ready for afternoon kindergarten. Again, the solution was to get him up earlier
and have him get ready for school before he did anything else. (What if he had been in the morning kindergarten class?) Cutting out time pressures is one way to
increase harmony in the home.

Use demanding sparingly and as a last resort. Demanding takes away a child's choices.

Teamwork

Teamwork requires an attitude of collaboration, which helps strengthen family relationships. It includes working together, brainstorming options, and proposing solutions
to problems, as discussed in chapters 1 and 2. The benefits of teamwork are that family members develop trust, become more creative, and usually leave happy. One
 Copyright (c)is2005-2009,
disadvantage                Infobase
                that teamwork          Media
                               takes time.    Corp. I have found it also saves time by preventing angry outbursts in the future.
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In the dinnertime shirt example, the problem could have been solved by using a teamwork approach, with the parent helping the child find a shirt and following through.
Teamwork

Teamwork requires an attitude of collaboration, which helps strengthen family relationships. It includes working together, brainstorming options, and proposing solutions
to problems, as discussed in chapters 1 and 2. The benefits of teamwork are that family members develop trust, become more creative, and usually leave happy. One
disadvantage is that teamwork takes time. However, I have found it also saves time by preventing angry outbursts in the future.

In the dinnertime shirt example, the problem could have been solved by using a teamwork approach, with the parent helping the child find a shirt and following through.
Through teamwork you are setting an example of working together for your child. Sometimes I have to try hard to remember how many times the Lord forgives us for a
repeated problem. We should show the same forgiveness to our children.

Teamwork should be used as much as possible. Give your children choices, let them brainstorm options, and help them obey.

Convincing

My brother often encourages obedience from his four-year-old by telling him that if he does not obey, his prized bike will be placed on the hook in the garage. This
technique is better than simply demanding because it has choices and a reward-the bike. Whenever you use a reward or incentive, like the bike or ice cream or
computer, you are using the technique of "convincing": "If you go and get your shirt on, you can have a great dessert after dinner." Again, this solution could have solved
the dinnertime problem.

Convincing is simply trying to persuade someone to accept your idea. Providing incentives is the key element of convincing. The problem with convincing is that if there
is no trust, it simply will not work. Let's say, for example, that you tell your child if he will keep his room clean for one week, you will take him to buy ice cream. Let's
say your child did keep his room clean for a week (a small miracle, to be sure), but you do not follow through with the ice cream. Your child is much less likely to
respond to this convincing technique again, because he does not trust that you will follow through with the reward. This also works in the other direction. If your child
leaves his blocks on the floor and promises to pick them up and then does not follow through twice in a row, the next time he promises to put his blocks away you will
be much less likely to be persuaded to get the blocks down for him to play with.

Convincing is using rewards and incentives to encourage obedience.

Summary

Children are never too young to learn conflict resolution techniques, and neither are parents. Our children use teamwork as they share and do tasks together. Connor is
an excellent convincer. For example, at the head of our kitchen table is a large chair we call the king's chair. In the morning at breakfast, the king's chair is coveted by
Connor. Not surprisingly, this is the chair that Dad sits in for dinner, and Connor likes to follow in his father's footsteps. One morning, Serena beat him to the king's
chair, and Connor told me all the reasons why he should sit in the chair. Instead of intervening and trying to solve their problem for them, I encouraged Connor to
convince Serena to trade chairs. He did it. What a charmer! He told her if she moved he would do one of her chores. Now, keep in mind that I made sure he followed
through with his promise. Sometimes, instead of the parents solving all the problems, we should let our children solve them-with lots of encouragement.

Remember to try teamwork first. Help children accomplish what needs to be done. Then try convincing, which is giving a reward or punishment for their behavior. Last
of all, try demanding, which is forcing the child to obey.

Making It Work

Demand as little as possible. Demanding is appropriate during an emergency or when other approaches have been tried and have failed. Demanding consistently can
damage a relationship. You may feel it gives you respect, but demanding can actually make a child fear you, and it may escalate into anger for both parent and child.

Develop a reward system for easy convincing. Think of ways to successfully use rewards. Think about the improvements you'd like your children to make, and then
come up with appropriate rewards for making them. Charts are always fun, but so is getting a treat-particularly for me. Work with your children to develop a system
that is fair-one they help invent.

When you ask your children to obey, be prepared to be a teamworker and help. Instead of just demanding that your children perform a task, help them. Then both of
you can get a star on the chart. It may take some time, but I guarantee it will be faster than demanding and then becoming frustrated because the chore was never
completed.

Family Teaching Activity 7: The Cookie Crook

Recite the following poem:

At the bus station, Kristen sure wanted a snack,

So she went to buy cookies-the last on the rack.

Inside she was secretly so pleased to find

That the cookies were chocolate, her favorite kind.

With a quick step she went back to wait at the gate

And she heard the announcement her bus would be late,

So she thought of her cookies and sat in her seat.

Then a man took a cookie and started to eat.

She could not believe such a terrible sight:

"If he eats one more cookie, I may have to fight!

But I really (c)
Copyright    can't2005-2009,
                   fight because that would
                              Infobase      be rude.
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It would show that I carry a bad attitude!
She could not believe such a terrible sight:

"If he eats one more cookie, I may have to fight!

But I really can't fight because that would be rude.

It would show that I carry a bad attitude!

"But he is a thief-he's a robber, a swine!

Doesn't he know that those cookies are mine?

I guess because they were the last cookies there,

He must think that it is my duty to share."

He grabbed for another, and then so did she,

Thinking, "Should I say, 'Pardon, but these are for me?'"

No, that wouldn't work, so she then grabbed another.

Then he grabbed two cookies, and she thought, "Oh, brother!"

"I'll try to negotiate. Yes! I could say,

'You may sample my cookies, but then you must pay.'

He's taking the bus, so perhaps he is poor."

Then he reached in the bag, and he grabbed for some more.

"Suppose I approach him with 'Let's work this out'?

No, that wouldn't do it." She started to pout.

"What is he thinking? He's eating my sweets.

I'll ask what he's doing and then share his treats.

"I will eat lots of cookies as fast as I can

So that there will be fewer for this crazy man."

So she ate and she ate, but again so did he.

Then he grabbed the last cookie and smiled timidly.

"Oh, what will he do with the very last one?

I cannot believe that the bag is all done."

He looked at the woman and let out a laugh.

Then he broke the last cookie and handed her half.

Relieved, Kristen noticed the call for her town,

And she boarded the bus with a scowl and a frown.

Into her seat, she sat down to unload.

She couldn't believe such a strange episode.

She reached in her bag for a brush for her hair

And found a surprise: Her cookies were there!

"I am so ashamed! I'm embarrassed and shocked.

I sat there complaining, I worried and mocked.

"I should have said something, but I was too scared.

The cookies I ate were all his, and he shared!

I cannot believe all those cookies I took!
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He was the nice one, and I was the crook."

-Tamara Fackrell
The cookies I ate were all his, and he shared!

I cannot believe all those cookies I took!

He was the nice one, and I was the crook."

-Tamara Fackrell

Relate the message of the poem to your children so they can understand: "A woman is waiting for a bus and buys some cookies. Suddenly, the man sitting next to her
starts to eat her cookies. What do you think she should do? After thinking about many ways to fix the problem, she decides to avoid the situation and not say anything.
The man then takes the last cookie and splits it in half. She then boards the bus, and in her bag she finds her cookies. So the whole time, she was eating the man's
cookies! Why would it have been helpful to talk about it? What do you think would have been the answer if they had talked about it?"

Scripture: Matthew 18:15.

We did this activity for family home evening, and my husband liked it so much he used it for a home teaching lesson. Our children thought the story was funny. Because
I teach my kids about the "conflict animals" from a young age, my oldest son easily identified the different conflict styles the woman was using. I was impressed and
used the opportunity to praise his intelligence.

Family Teaching Activity 8: Teamwork

Materials needed: A four-foot piece of butcher paper or throw rug.

Buy a four-foot piece of butcher paper or use a throw rug. The goal of the exercise is to work together as a team. Have a beginning point and an ending point about
twenty feet apart (ten feet if you are dealing with a two-year-old). Tell your team you must work together to get the team and the paper from one side to the other. No
one can touch the ground, only the paper or rug. (Hint: the easiest way is to caterpillar across. Starting at one end, have everyone line up side-by-side on the paper,
then scrunch up the paper, then spread it out again like the movement of a caterpillar. However, there are many ways it can be accomplished.) Talk about the
importance of working together and being a family team.

Scripture: Matthew 18:20.

I do not know if we should refer to this activity as teamwork or team play. We were laughing really hard as we tried to wiggle down the carpet. (We used a rug instead
of butcher paper.) We enjoyed working together even though we fell off the rug a few times. It will probably be easier if you do not have a two-year-old and a
newborn. We pointed out that teamwork can take a long time but the process can be enjoyable.

Family Teaching Activity 9: Family Ties

Stand in a circle. Have each person put one hand in the circle and grab someone else's hand. Then have family members put their other hand in the circle grabbing a
hand. (Make sure it is not the same partner's hand they already have.) Work together to get untied and make a perfect circle. Talk about the importance of teamwork
and working together even when things get hard.

Scripture: D&C 38:27.

We did this activity at a family reunion with several cousins from age two through eighteen. The kids were all tangled up and had tons of fun getting untangled. They had
to climb under and jump over, twist around, and get the knotted mess all organized. The kids loved the concept of working together and asked to do it a second and
third time.

Setting Clear Expectations

"The difference between greatness and mediocrity is often how an individual views a mistake." -Nelson Boswell

W e were having a formal dinner for company, which in our family we define as people who are not related to us within four generations. I wanted our children to be on
their best behavior, so my expectations were exalted and, for that evening, unattainable. The couple we invited to dinner was expecting their first child any day, and they
were not quite prepared for the continual chaos of eight little feet bouncing off the walls. What I had pictured in my mind's eye and what actually happened were almost
in complete contradiction to each other. Our children behaved like . . . well, like children. They clanked their silverware during thirty seconds of silence (see chapter
22), quarreled about who would give the prayer, spilled a whole bottle of salad dressing on an unsuspecting sibling's plate, and did a litany of other things.

The grand finale of this fiasco occurred when we served ice cream for dessert. Before I knew what was happening (my attention being drawn to ice cream instead of
children for just one moment in time), my ragtag bunch of renegades had surreptitiously slid off their chairs into their secret hideout under the dinner table. The long,
flowing tablecloth, which we use only for special occasions, made their hideout particularly appealing. No doubt they were plotting their next act of terror while my
husband and I were left staring at each other in awkward silence. I broke the silence by the command that I use in emergency situations so our children know I am
serious: "Come up right now-one, two, three." I did not even give them a two-and-a-half or two-and-three-quarters.

With giggles and feigned resistance, our children acquiesced and sat at the table. Little did our guests know that dinner included a comedy show. When the six beady
eyes poked out from under the tablecloth and the children began to slither back into their seats, our guests tried desperately to refrain from laughing and giving our
children an audience, but to no avail. We all started cracking up. After reflecting on this experience and many others, I have decided that sometimes when I ask our
children to behave, I am really saying, "Act like a grown-up."

Expectation 1: Act Your Age

This expectation goes both ways. The first expectation we should set for our children is to act like a kid! We do not want our children to grow up too quickly, but
parents can easily miss the moments of memories that flow when they are focusing on getting their children to have perfect, grown-up behavior. Kids love to run around
and be rowdy. If being active is your expectation, I doubt you will be disappointed.

My oldest son helps a lot around the house. Sometimes I look at him and feel bad we have had to experiment on him with so much of our parenting. One day I gave
him three tasks to do at the same time. He got the first one accomplished, but the other two he did not do. I was irked that he did not accomplish the long list of items.
Looking back, I realize I should have given him one task at a time. He is just a little boy. Long lists just set up a little boy for failure. Whenever I am frustrated with my
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kids about not obeying the first time I ask them to do something, I try to remember how many things I have asked them to do. Was it just that one? Did           I try to
them accomplish the goal by pitching in? I have decided I should not expect my kids to have memories like adults. After all, they are still learning and growing. Hence,
for mothers, a good guideline to setting expectations is to be realistic.
My oldest son helps a lot around the house. Sometimes I look at him and feel bad we have had to experiment on him with so much of our parenting. One day I gave
him three tasks to do at the same time. He got the first one accomplished, but the other two he did not do. I was irked that he did not accomplish the long list of items.
Looking back, I realize I should have given him one task at a time. He is just a little boy. Long lists just set up a little boy for failure. Whenever I am frustrated with my
kids about not obeying the first time I ask them to do something, I try to remember how many things I have asked them to do. Was it just that one? Did I try to help
them accomplish the goal by pitching in? I have decided I should not expect my kids to have memories like adults. After all, they are still learning and growing. Hence,
for mothers, a good guideline to setting expectations is to be realistic.

The expectation also goes the other way. We should not expect our children to act like adults, and we, as mothers, should not act like two-year-olds. Since we are the
mothers, we should not throw tantrums, cry, or complain when motherhood gets tough. I have been tempted many times and sometimes succumbed to the temptation
to act like a two-year-old. But I have learned that tantrum tactics do not work any better even when you are twenty-nine! Expectations for ourselves should be a little
bit higher.

Remember that children are children. They are not grown-ups in little bodies. Set expectations that are reasonable and realistic.

Expectation 2: For Recurring Issues Brainstorm with Your Child and Set Appropriate Guidelines

"Mom, can I go to a friend's house?" I began to hear this phrase over and over as my son reached the age of five. I wanted him to play at home, too, and it became
such a hassle to think of reasons of why he should stay home or have his friends come over to our house. I thought the best thing for this situation was to set an
expectation or standard to measure his actions. My son and I decided together that if he spent one day at a friend's house, then the next day he would stay home or
have a friend come to our house. Many times since then, he has asked if he could go to a friend's house. The answer was simple. I would ask, "What was yesterday, a
home day or a friend's day?" After using the standard, it was easy to decide. My son was happier because he knew what to expect, and I was happier because I knew
what to expect.

Setting guidelines for recurring issues brings success.

Expectation 3: Try Your Best

Another expectation we have established is to try our best. Our children were constantly asking me to find things and get things for them. I found myself running around
all day long trying to serve their needs, which is great exercise but left me breathless to do other things. I decided that "we" must implement a standard in our home. The
"Try Our Best" standard is having the children try their best before I intervene and help. Of course, I do not expect the baby to change his own diaper, but when my
children turn two, I start expecting them to try their best. In the morning when they want cereal, I tell them they must get out the milk and bowl, and I will get down the
cereal and pour the cereal and milk. When they ask me to find their shoes, which never seem to have a match in the same room, I tell them to first try their best to look
for them. Sometimes, they will say they have tried their best but really they have made no effort. That is when I will encourage them to try their best again while Mommy
is watching so I can see the approach they are taking. Trust but verify.

I purchased a set of dishes we call our children's china: plastic bowls and plates. The children's china is practically indestructible; I have lost only two pieces, one to a
two-year-old and one to a dishwasher heating element. I decided to put the dishes in a cupboard that is low enough for the children to reach their own dishes. This has
helped my toddler to communicate. When he is thirsty, he gets out a cup. When he is hungry, he gets out a plate. This system helps our children try their best, because
they are able to participate when they want something in the kitchen. Our children, including my toddler, love to help me put the plastic dishes away when we empty the
dishwasher. The dishwasher never stays empty too long because there are nearly always dishes in the sink waiting to make it full again. (But I cannot complain because
for the first part of our marriage we had no kitchen sink, so I washed our dishes in the bathroom sink. Long story, tiny apartment.) Having plastic dishes in a low
cupboard sets the children up for success.

The "Try Our Best" rule has also been useful as my son began to play soccer. Many times his team would come in second place (lose), and we would ask if he had
tried his best. For our family, winning is not as important as trying your best. Also, as my oldest son attended kindergarten, there were times when he did not finish his
homework. Again, we used the standard of trying our best.

Trying our best has helped our children, and they have found opportunities to encourage others as well. My oldest son, Connor, loves visiting his aunt and uncle in Las
Vegas. On one such visit, they were getting ready to eat dinner. Uncle Robbie had been in a serious snowboarding accident where he broke his neck and suffered
many injuries. The doctors had given him the dismal prognosis of never walking again. But Robbie was learning to walk again despite the pessimism of the doctors. On
Connor's visit, Robbie walked into the room with just a hand steadying him on the wall. Connor was amazed to see him out of his wheelchair and encouraged him with
his arms raised in the air: "Uncle Robbie, you're walking! I'm so happy for you!" He then asked the details of how he had walked and told him again how proud he was
of him. He knew that his uncle was trying his best. Aunt Candace later told me of the great example Connor was, keeping track of small steps of progress that keep us
going through the process of life.

As mothers we also need to apply the same standard. Sometimes we have a difficult day filled with problems we could rightfully complain about. We should just expect
ourselves to try our best and realize that our best is a personal limit with many factors. One day in particular, thoughts came into my mind about what a terrible mother I
was. I knew that the Adversary was trying to get me down. I reflected back on the day and said a small prayer, telling Heavenly Father I was trying my best and asking
him to strengthen me for the rest of the day. Some days my best is better than other days. As long as we are trying, we should rely on the Lord and allow him to help
us.

We should try our best and never give up. After a child has tried, using teamwork to help him can give him a sense of achievement.

Expectation 4: Selective Attention

With so many young children, our home is often filled with crying cacophony. I try my best to take care of problems, but all the children need my attention at the same
time. So, I came up with the idea of "selective attention." When several children need assistance at the same time, I decide which fire I am going to put out first. The
other children will have to patiently wait their turn. I give each child a number and let them know who is next on "the list" so they understand that their needs will be met.
Believe it or not, sometimes I put myself on the list. Sometimes my children wistfully whine, but I know I am doing the best I can under the circumstances. Then, when
the house is finally quiet, I really appreciate the children's happiness. Selective attention has helped me realize I am only human and need to focus on one problem at a
time. I choose which problem I will address, knowing I will get to the others as soon as possible. When all of our children need me at once, they understand that they
will have to wait their turn. I use this as an opportunity to praise their patience. In fact, the other day I heard my little girl chanting, "I am so patient."

Selective attention helps organize, address, and resolve problems.

Summary
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Setting expectations for children can really help with incessant asking and whining. We set up standards for how much television they will watch a day, how much time
they can spend on the computer, and so on. When our children keep asking me for the same things and I want to tell them no, that tells me it is time to set a standard.
Even though my children are young, we talk about what is fair and then set a standard that takes into account everyone's needs and desires. Then when they repeat the
Selective attention helps organize, address, and resolve problems.

Summary

Setting expectations for children can really help with incessant asking and whining. We set up standards for how much television they will watch a day, how much time
they can spend on the computer, and so on. When our children keep asking me for the same things and I want to tell them no, that tells me it is time to set a standard.
Even though my children are young, we talk about what is fair and then set a standard that takes into account everyone's needs and desires. Then when they repeat the
question, we can review the standard and see where we are for the week. This has helped our children know what to expect, even before they ask. Also, I do not have
to say no or give a hesitant yes, because the expectation has already been set. Be sure to follow through with your expectations. Most important is to try your best
based on gospel principles and let the Lord fill in the gaps.

Making It Work

Try your best: As Latter-day Saints, we know that motherhood is a sacred calling, so we may be surprised at the frustration we sometimes feel. I attended a Relief
Society testimony meeting where several mothers expressed their discouragement. They knew that something must be missing. Each mother concluded that she needed
to develop a testimony of the Savior and bask in his light, which would give her the patience and love she needed to give her children. We need to try our best and rely
on the Savior to help us.

Involve your children in making decisions. Let your children give their ideas when deciding on expectations for your home. They are much more likely to feel like a
family team and will better follow through with what is decided if they are involved. If they later question the expectation, remind them that they helped make it.

Be gracious. Allow your children to make mistakes. If they have truly tried, tell them, "The most important thing is that you tried your best." Do not focus on their
mistakes but on the things they did right.

Family Teaching Activity 10: A Very Sad Story

Read the following story:

Mr. and Mrs. Perfect have had many guests in their home. Before their children were born, they brought a very special guest into their home. The guest stayed even
after the children arrived. Everyone loved the guest, who was a great storyteller and often told bedtime stories. He was a great entertainer and kept the family's
attention for long periods of time, sometimes many hours. The guest was very special, because in the home there were unequivocal rules, and the guest always broke
them. The guest never got in trouble when he broke the rules. However, if the children broke the rules, they were punished. The guest swore and said things that were
mean and hurtful to other people. He took the Lord's name in vain many times a day. Sometimes, the guest told stories with dirty jokes, extreme violence, and other
naughty things. At first the whole family would participate in the stories. Later, Mrs. Perfect began to leave and read a book instead. Mrs. Perfect did not really like the
guest, but after so many years the guest had become a part of their family. The guest had many names, but they just called him TV.

After reading the story, retell it to your children: "The family bought a television, and it would tell them stories and entertain them for many hours. Sometimes TV broke
the family rules by saying words we do not say in our family, fighting, and telling bad jokes. Instead of turning TV off, the family would keep on watching."

Ask your children the following questions:

What should the family have done?

Why does it matter what we watch on TV?

What kind of rules should we have in our home for the TV?

Scripture: D&C 88:118.

When I did this activity, my oldest son could not believe the TV broke so many rules. He said, "Mom, we'd better be careful what we watch." My brother's family has
a rule: If a TV show says more than three bad words, they have to turn it off. Because our family has younger children, we decided even if we are watching TV at a
friend's house, we should leave if the TV is not following our family rules.

Family Teaching Activity 11: Mother May I?

Play a game of "Mother, May I?" with your children. This is done by having the mother stand about twenty feet from the starting line. Then she tells the players to move
forward in different ways: "Sheri, take three giant steps (scissors steps, bullfrog leaps, baby steps, side steps, or whatever) forward. The player then has to ask,
"Mother, may I?" before moving. If players forget to ask, they must start over from the starting line. After the player asks, the mother decides whether the person can
or cannot take the steps. The mother may say, "Yes, you may" or "No, you may not, but you may take . . ." The game is played until someone reaches the mother.
Then that person gets to be the "mother" or, for the boys, the "father."

After playing several rounds, ask your children the following questions:

Why is it important to obey your parents?

What does it mean to be respectful?

How can we show each other we love each other?

Explain to your children that the Lord has also given us rules to obey. Ask the children if they know any of the commandments. Talk about other rules Heavenly Father
has given us. (See Matthew 5, 6, and 22:37-40.) Then discuss appropriate rules for your home.

Scripture: Exodus 20:1-17.

Our children love to play "Mother, May I?" They are so fair with one another and take turns wonderfully. Even though my two-year-old really did not understand the
rules, he had a grand time mirroring the frog leaps and baby steps of his older siblings. Our family discussed obeying, and our children have since played "Mother, May
I?" on their own.
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Family Teaching Activity 12: Red Light Green Light
Our children love to play "Mother, May I?" They are so fair with one another and take turns wonderfully. Even though my two-year-old really did not understand the
rules, he had a grand time mirroring the frog leaps and baby steps of his older siblings. Our family discussed obeying, and our children have since played "Mother, May
I?" on their own.

Family Teaching Activity 12: Red Light Green Light

Play the game "Red Light, Green Light." This is played by having the traffic master stand about twenty feet from the starting line. The traffic master then says, "Green
light!" and all the players run toward the traffic master. When the traffic master says, "Red light," all the players must stop. The first person to the traffic master can take
a turn being the traffic master. Allow each person in the family to be traffic master once. If a person wins twice, let him or her choose another person who has not yet
been the traffic master to take a turn.

Discussion questions to ask:

What are some laws we have in the land? (Examples: traffic laws, crime laws.)

Why do we have these laws?

Talk about the importance of having rules in the land and then talk about the rules you have established in your home and why they are important.

Scripture: Twelfth Article of Faith

Our children love "Red Light, Green Light" Whenever we play this game, despite major falls on the grass, we have fun. It is amazing how our children know a little
about traffic laws even though they do not drive-although there is some back-seat driving occasionally, I admit. They are able to identify the signals and meanings at
stoplights and stop signs.

Schedules and Routines

"When you come to the edge of all the light, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen: either there will be
something solid for you to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." -Patrick Overton

A friend and I were laughing about the wonderful moments of motherhood. Two-year-old barbershop mishaps, mismatched outfits, tantrums, and our latest creative
scenario from a child who ate noodles with pliers, pretending they were chopsticks. The list of laughable experiences for just one day is extensive. My friend said she
was having a hard time getting her two boys, ages six and four, to sleep at night. Miraculously, her two-year-old daughter had no problem going to sleep. As we talked
about it, I shared with her what I learned in the book Sleeping through the Night, by Jodi A. Mindell. The book stressed the importance of having a set routine for your
children's bedtime. It noted that even the slightest change in the routine can affect how well kids sleep. When you put your children to bed, you should not (1) put them
in their bed, (2) give them a kiss, and (3) turn off the light one night, and then the next night (1) give them a kiss, (2) put them in bed, and (3) turn off the light. Children
need to know what to expect, and they love routines. When my friend analyzed how she put her daughter to bed, compared to how she put her sons to bed, she
realized she had a solid routine with her daughter and not with her sons. She said, "I can't believe I never thought of that before."

Bedtime Ritual

When I was expecting my third child, a seasoned mother gave me some sage advice. She said, "The thing that saved me was putting our children to bed early." I
thought, "This woman does not know what she is talking about. Our children go to bed late, and they seem to do fine." Now that I have four children and my oldest has
started school, I see the wisdom in her guidance. It is nice to have time at night for just my husband and me. During that space between the children's bedtime and my
bedtime, my productivity goes into warp speed. I get more done at that time than I do the whole rest of the day.

Every night our family has a familiar routine, which has evolved as the children have gotten older. The routine helps our children know exactly what to expect, although I
still do not know what to expect on any given night. First, we get all the children in their pajamas (no small accomplishment). Then we have the potty parade and
tickling their teeth with a toothbrush. Yes, we have a song for pajama time and for the potty parade. (This may seem silly, but there is method in our madness.) After
this I exclaim, "Piggies, piggies, piggies!" All the children promptly lie on the floor, offering me their feet. I "prep" their feet by tickling them and then do an enhanced and
ever-changing version of "This little piggy went to market." After "piggies," we say family prayer together.

Next, we read our scriptures-usually about ten verses or a chapter depending on our stamina (mine and my husband's). On the more exhausting nights, we still read at
least one verse, even if our children have fallen asleep in the car on the way home. Our family has finished the Book of Mormon as a family twice and is now trying to
read it in Spanish. My husband speaks Spanish fluently, and I can read decently, or so my husband says, bless him. We want all of our children to learn Spanish, so
reading the scriptures in Spanish is a wonderful teaching opportunity. Sometimes my husband will say the words one by one and have one of the children repeat. (You
could do this in Spanish or English.) After scripture study , each child has a personal "brain" prayer, as they call them, which means saying their prayers silently. Our
children, although young, often wait a few seconds after their prayers to receive answers or promptings.

Twice a week we tell our children two stories, one picked by Serena (which is always "The Three Bears"), and one picked by Connor (which is rarely a repeat). I am
always amazed, being the storyteller, how the story changes with each telling, though our kids never seem to mind. If I ever stray from the twice-a-week rule, I have a
good reason. If I have extra time, I will say something like, "We'll have a special bonus story this week because Connor did bonus chores." This encourages the
children to help more, and it also shows I do not give rewards arbitrarily and am not a pushover when routines are set.

We also started a bedtime chart, because we were having problems with our children not staying in bed after we went through the routine. We count to ten and then
give everyone who stays in bed a sticker, star, or checkmark. When the chart is filled, the kids get to pick any toy at the dollar store. Charts seem to work only for a
short time because of my lack of stamina, but they are still worth the effort. I can make the chart last extra innings if I give the rewards for home-run behavior in closer
intervals.

Having a bedtime routine has created wonderful memories for our family to look back on with fondness.

Daytime Routine

We also have a routine during the day. After breakfast, we spend time doing our chores, and then the children have playtime. We have a set nap and quiet time, and
then have Mommy playtime when the kids wake up. This routine has helped me be able to juggle the needs of all four children. We seldom have to venture to the
outside world for entertainment. Indeed, often we are the entertainment when we go out, as we look like a circus with our four small children. Most of the time, when I
 Copyright
do          (c)in
   need to get  2005-2009,    Infobase
                  the hustle and        Media
                                 bustle of      Corp.outside our home, I leave my tots inside the hustle and bustle of our home with a babysitter. My friends
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one child or even two cannot believe I stay home so much. In the end, each mother does what works best for her own family.
We also have a routine during the day. After breakfast, we spend time doing our chores, and then the children have playtime. We have a set nap and quiet time, and
then have Mommy playtime when the kids wake up. This routine has helped me be able to juggle the needs of all four children. We seldom have to venture to the
outside world for entertainment. Indeed, often we are the entertainment when we go out, as we look like a circus with our four small children. Most of the time, when I
do need to get in the hustle and bustle of the world outside our home, I leave my tots inside the hustle and bustle of our home with a babysitter. My friends with only
one child or even two cannot believe I stay home so much. In the end, each mother does what works best for her own family.

Setting expectations in the day helps the household run smoothly.

Summary

A schedule and routine have been vital for me to set expectations for our children and have helped the household run a little smoother.

Making It Work

Develop a bedtime ritual. Even if you have your children go to bed late, it is still nice to have a bedtime ritual they can anticipate. It creates great childhood memories
and is a special time for the family to bond.

Have a schedule but be a little flexible. Developing schedules helps set expectations for your children. However, there should be balance. Even though you may want a
schedule, there will be days when it just will not work. Be flexible. Some moms may be at the stage where I was with two children. Anything goes! Great! Just keep in
mind that routines can help your children to know what to expect.

Be sure to explain exceptions to the rule. If you are going to do something out of the ordinary, make sure you explain why it is an exception to the rule. It might be,
"When it is your birthday, you may stay up late." Or "When we have company, you can play for thirty more minutes." Do not be wishy-washy when giving privileges.
Also, it is easy to think of excuses to do things out of the ordinary. Use your creativity.

Family Teaching Activity 13: The Sleepy Boy

Tell the following story:

One day Tommy decided he was not going to go to bed on time. When his mother asked him to go to bed, he begged her to let him play one more video game. When
he went up to his room, instead of getting in bed he stayed up and played with his toys. He decided staying up late was fun. Finally, he could not keep his eyes open
anymore, and he fell asleep right in the middle of the floor. The next morning, his mother came in his room to wake him up for school. He was so sleepy that he did not
want to wake up! He slept as long as he could until his mother insisted he get up or he would be late. His neck and back hurt from sleeping on the floor. At school that
day, he could barely keep his eyes open. At recess, he was so tired he just sat on a bench. Usually he would run around with all of his friends and play on the swing set,
but today he was just too tired. After school, he would usually go to his friend's house and play, but not today. He was too tired. His mother made his favorite dish for
supper, spaghetti. He ate a little, but all he could think about was going to sleep. He asked to be excused and went straight up to his room. His mother was concerned,
so she went to check on him, but he was already asleep. Tommy decided staying up late was not as fun as he had thought. He decided to go to bed on time so he did
not miss the other fun things during the day.

Discuss why it is important to get enough rest. Ask what Tommy did the day after he stayed up late. Did he have fun? Talk to your children about the importance of
going to bed on time.

Scripture: D&C 88:124.

After repeating the essence of the story in his own words, my son instinctively replied, "It's no fun to stay up late." We did this activity relatively recently, and I am
planning on reminding him of the story the next time he wants to stay up late.

Family Teaching Activity 14: Culture Night

Materials needed: Research on a specific country.

Decide on a country your family would like to learn about. It may be somewhere you have already visited or lived. Gather information about the country through books
or the Internet. It may also be fun to have a "guest speaker," such as someone who served a mission in that country, lived there, or is originally from the chosen country.
Talk about the customs of the country, the food, holidays, and the daily schedule. You may even want to cook some food from that country for dinner. Talk about what
children do in the country and contrast it with your own children's way of life. If possible, teach them a children's game played in the country.

Scripture: Philippians 4:11.

Our family celebrated the Independence Day of Chile with other people in our neighborhood. My husband served his mission in Chile, and we have several neighbors
who are native Chileans. We talked about the Chilean flag, had Chilean food, and learned how to dance the Quaka, which is the country's native dance. Our neighbor's
precious toddler also wore some typical Chilean clothes. It was a wonderful experience and comes highly recommended from all ages involved, even my smiling
newborn.

Family Teaching Activity 15: Hard Work Pays Off

Materials needed: Scheduled appointment with your (or your husband's) place of work or a fire station.

Make arrangements for your family to visit the office. (As an alternative, call your local fire station and arrange a time for your family to visit.) When you arrive, talk
about your job and the different goals you have at work. Go through your typical day at the office and the tasks you must accomplish. Talk about what kind of
education you need to have for your job. Tell them the story of how you got this job. If you are going to the fire station, have the fireman talk about his daily schedule,
what time he wakes up, what he eats, and what time he goes to bed. Go on a tour of the fire station. After the presentation, talk with your children about the training a
fireman must have to be in that occupation. Ask what would happen if the fireman stayed up too late and was too tired to save someone from a fire. Explain the
importance of developing good work habits in your youth.

Scripture: Alma 37:35.

My husband(c)
 Copyright   brought  the older
               2005-2009,       two children
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                                               his work for a Daddy's Day at work. He stayed only half the day while the children played with marbles and colored.
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The kids often remind their dad that they would like to go to work with him again, and we have a yearly date set. When I asked the children what my husband does
(marketing), they replied, "He talks on the phone all day and plays on the computer!"
importance of developing good work habits in your youth.

Scripture: Alma 37:35.

My husband brought the older two children to his work for a Daddy's Day at work. He stayed only half the day while the children played with marbles and colored.
The kids often remind their dad that they would like to go to work with him again, and we have a yearly date set. When I asked the children what my husband does
(marketing), they replied, "He talks on the phone all day and plays on the computer!"

Building Trust Through Rules and Consequenses

"You will find as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." -Henry
Drummond

A longtime family friend and schoolteacher has only two rules in her classroom: (1) be kind, and (2) try your best. I thought these rules were great, so I made a goal to
incorporate them into our permanent family rules, which nearly doubled our rule book. As a mother, I love these two rules, and I try my best to live by them. How
inspiring! Having a family team means having the entire family involved in solving problems. In our family, we include our small children in making family rules, much to
the delight of everyone. This has provided many fond and lasting memories for my husband and me. If the children protest that a rule is not fair, we explain that we
made the rule as a family, and that we can reconsider the rule in a family council.

Rule 1: Second-Chance Rule

I learned early in my motherhood years that one of our family rules must be the second-chance rule. Although I always jump on a problem, I do not always apply
consequences immediately. I like to give our children at least one warning so I can explain the problem and the "Fackrell Expectations" and then give them a second
chance. I actually make a sign language W for an official warning, which our children perceive as "Mom means business." If we discuss consequences or punishments,
my children know I will follow through.

When I ask my children to stop doing something that is not violent, it is usually easier to say "Do it one more time" than "Stop that right now." Once children have
decided to do something, they often need to get it out of their system before they can stop. One spring afternoon my children were enjoying the thrills of swings and
slides at the park. One mother told her child they were leaving right then. The child hollered and screamed and was obviously disappointed at leaving the wonderful
children's playland. The mother, chagrined, looked at me and asked, "What should I do?" We talked for a minute, and then the daughter and mother came to a solution.
Leaving on a moment's notice is much harder for a child than giving them "five more minutes." The daughter went down the slide three more times, and mother and
daughter both left with smiles.

As your children get older, you may need to be more immediate in giving a consequence. However, I think children age six and under deserve a second chance.

For young children, it is best to give them a reminder before implementing a consequence.

Rule 2: Build Trust by Following Through

Developing trust in the relationship between a parent and child is critical. One way to build trust is to follow through with what you say. A classic example is, "I will have
to take the toy away if you do that again." If you use that phrase and the child does "that" again, you should take the toy away. Be careful what you say and plan to
follow through. Let your child know you can be trusted. If you say it, you must do it. In our home we often say "A promise is a promise," or, in other words, "I will
keep my promises and be trustworthy in all situations." A friend (not yet a mother) was helping my daughter put on her shoes. My daughter, acting like a child, was
swinging her tennis shoes around by their shoelaces. Afraid of being a target, my friend said, "If you do that again, I will throw away your shoes." I laughingly replied,
"You most certainly will not. I paid $7.00 for those shoes, so don't tell her that." My friend insisted that my daughter would not do it again, but that's not the point. The
point is that you must follow through and be consistent. So, if my daughter did swing the shoes around again, my friend would have had to throw away the shoes, and
for frugal me that is not a viable option. Do not allow those who are not in authority to give ultimatums to your children. Instead, step in and let them know that if a
reprimand is needed, you will take care of it, thank you very much.

Children are always trying to push mother's limits. Follow through. We should not let our children think, "I don't have to obey until Mommy puts on her mad face."
Building trust is essential. When I was expecting my fourth child, I told our children I would take them to the park to feed the ducks. Later that day, I got sickness" and
did not want to take them to the park. However, I decided I needed to keep the promise; after all, I am used to doing many tasks with an excruciating headache and
nausea during pregnancy. We decided as a family that since I was sick, we would only go for ten minutes (which is at least forty minutes in children's time) and would
not play on the slides as we usually do. I never make promises to our children unless I really am going to follow through. If I am not sure about an outing, either I do not
mention it, or I say it is a possibility and we will talk about it. Then, throughout the day, we talk about how our day is progressing to see if we have a "yes" or a "no" for
the activity.

In another situation, we had to compromise completely and change the schedule for the day. My son was promised by his oldest cousin that they would go to an
arcade. Unfortunately, things did not work out as planned, and his cousin arrived home too late to get to the arcade by closing time. The compromise included going to
the grocery store to play on the quarter machines that night and then following through with the promise the next evening. Both events did take place, and my son was
satisfied because he was involved in making the new plan. Whenever possible, stick to your original promises. In this case, the activity had to be moved to another
night, but the essence of the promise was still kept.

Another example: You are ready to leave, and your children will not get into the car. You threaten, "If you don't get in the car right now, I will leave you." This maniacal
method has been passed down through the ages. Imagine how frightening that must be for a child to worry about being left behind, all alone. Sometimes it is easy to
forget our children's perspective. Because we have several friends and babysitters who use this method on our children, we have established our own rules. First, we
do not leave anyone behind in our family, period, end of discussion. We do not threaten with misleading consequences like leaving a small child home alone. Try using
an incentive like, "Let's see how many seconds it takes you to get in the car."

Our second rule is that we will never leave anyone in the family with someone else unless we talk about it first. Recently my son was in the hospital. My daughter was at
my sister's house. We were going to have her spend the night, but when I talked to Serena on the phone, she wanted to come home. I reassured her that we would
pick her up. We did pick her up, at one o'clock in the morning, but she felt safe in knowing I would keep my promise. On another occasion, my daughter went to
spend the night at the same aunt's house and wanted to come home in the middle of the night. I went and retrieved her even though my sister lives quite a distance from
me. This gave her a feeling of security, and we also learned from her nighttime escapades that she was too young to spend the night away from home.

Occasionally I find myself in a situation where I have to leave our children, regardless of their feelings. This happened when my husband and I went on vacation. I
prepared our children in advance, telling them they would be spending some time at Grandma's house. I did not give them a choice, because there was no alternative. I
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                                                 and then prayed they would have a wonderful time. However, I would never leave them somewhere withoutPage    16 /with
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them about it first.
me. This gave her a feeling of security, and we also learned from her nighttime escapades that she was too young to spend the night away from home.

Occasionally I find myself in a situation where I have to leave our children, regardless of their feelings. This happened when my husband and I went on vacation. I
prepared our children in advance, telling them they would be spending some time at Grandma's house. I did not give them a choice, because there was no alternative. I
focused on all the fun they were going to have and then prayed they would have a wonderful time. However, I would never leave them somewhere without talking with
them about it first.

Younger children (two-year-olds come to mind immediately) are going to cry their little heads off no matter what you say. Take their fussing as a compliment: They sure
do love their mama. Nevertheless, I still talk to them and let them know I will be right back. Then I pry their fingers off my pants and tell the babysitter to call me if they
do not calm down in five minutes.

Trust is built by keeping your promises as a mother.

Rule 3: Natural Consequences

I read an inspiring article in the Ensign about natural consequences. The essence of the message was that you should let natural consequences follow after a child breaks
the rules. This takes time, but I do feel the effort has made a difference in our family. For example, when our children spill something on the floor, they must wipe up the
mess. When our children are fighting, I give them chores to do together until they can get along. The article also suggested that if nothing sweet can come out of your
mouth, nothing sweet can go into your mouth. If your child is being naughty with a friend, they are restricted from that friend. This takes a little getting used to, but it
makes sense!

Help your children to think of natural consequences to their actions.

Rule 4: The T.I.P. Method

Let me give you a little TIP I have discovered. When our children do push the limits, I use the TIP method. Think of this as a motivational sandwich, with instruction
layered between thanks and praise:

T =3D Thank

I =3D Instruct

P =3D Praise

The real meat is the instruction, but the bread makes it much tastier. Also, some instructions are just ham, but others are Big Macs, depending on the importance of the
instruction.

First, thank your children for anything positive you can think of, even just a small act of kindness. Second, instruct the children about the problem and its solutions. Set
clear standards so they understand the rules and can easily obey them. Third, praise your children's potential for behaving correctly in the future. This will improve their
confidence that they can do so. Be sure to praise them when they do obey. The TIP method has greatly helped with our family relations. For example, my daughter
repeatedly lost the milk cap as she made herself strawberry milk. I had to spend a lot of time searching for the cap under tables and chairs, and sometimes I was unable
to find it. One day I saw the milk bottle on the table without the cap, and I thought I should seize the opportunity to teach her. I began, "Serena, thanks for making your
very own strawberry milk. You are wonderful." Then I gave her the instruction: "When you get the milk out, you need to remember to put the cap back on." Then I
finished the sandwich with praise: "Let me watch while you put it on. Wow, you have done such a great job!" The TIP method has helped me give instruction in a loving
way.

Allow maximum success by thanking, instructing, and praising.

Rule 5: Drastic Measures

We must also talk to our children about consequences. One of the great lines my mother taught was, "If you do that again, I will take drastic measures." What are
drastic measures? Who knows? It can be whatever you want to make it: no friends, more chores, restrictions, and so on. This is a great phrase to use because your
children will know you are serious, but you are not making a commitment about exactly what the consequence will be right then. The hope is that your children will
begin to obey, or that you can change the circumstances to help them avoid trouble (taking the children somewhere else, moving the untouchable item, and so on).

Using "drastic measures" allows flexibility when emotions are high and gives mothers the opportunity to follow through later.

Summary

Building trust through rules and consequences is one of the most important things we can do for our children. It lays the foundation for our parenting, helping us build
upon a rock rather than sand. Follow through and be completely honest with your children, and you will help them feel secure.

Making It Work

Do what you say you will do. Do you threaten with things that you are not willing to follow through on? Be careful of what you say, because you need to follow
through. My husband brought home a mouthwatering, delectable dozen of the famous Krispy Kreme doughnuts and promised the children they could have a taste after
family night. But time ran out, and we ushered the children to bed. My son and daughter have a remarkable memory when it comes to promised treats, and they
reminded us they did not get their promised doughnuts. I realized that we needed to keep our promise. We let them get out of bed and enjoy their doughnuts even
though it was late. Every situation is different, but in this one, keeping our promise was more important than putting the kids to bed on time.

Think of natural consequences. Remember, when you punish your children, you are also punished. My brother grounded his son from his bike. His wife pleaded,
"Please, no! Then we are both punished." Make up consequences that are quick and easy. Natural consequences really help. If kids make a mess, they must clean it
up. Make a consequence that will help deter the behavior, but for first-time mistakes give kids a warning or second chance so they have time to obey.

Build trust. Build trust by following through. I once had a babysitter who decided at the last minute she did not want to come. Not even three minutes later, her mom
was on the phone assuring me her daughter would be there. Her mom earnestly declared, "In our family, we keep our commitments." The girl did come over and watch
our children, which was a relief to me because I was experiencing a little cabin fever from being home all week without a break. They were a trustworthy family, and I
knew  they would
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                                               our children and others to know that the Fackrell family also keeps their promises. Encourage trust and integrity
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children even at a very young age.

Family Teaching Activity 16: Family Rules and Consequences
Build trust. Build trust by following through. I once had a babysitter who decided at the last minute she did not want to come. Not even three minutes later, her mom
was on the phone assuring me her daughter would be there. Her mom earnestly declared, "In our family, we keep our commitments." The girl did come over and watch
our children, which was a relief to me because I was experiencing a little cabin fever from being home all week without a break. They were a trustworthy family, and I
knew they would keep their promises. I want our children and others to know that the Fackrell family also keeps their promises. Encourage trust and integrity in your
children even at a very young age.

Family Teaching Activity 16: Family Rules and Consequences

Materials needed: A piece of paper and a pencil.

As a family, decide on a few basic rules and consequences for the family. I was so inspired by my friend's classroom rules that I incorporated them into our home: (1)
Be kind. (2) Try your best. You do not need a lot of rules, but it is nice to have some kind of structure to fall back on. As you get into different situations, you can make
up rules applicable to the situation. After you have decided on your rules, type them up and then frame them. At the top put something like "Fackrell Family Rules."
Hang them in a place so everyone can see them. Talk about the importance of obeying rules. Talk about the rules that Heavenly Father gives us (the Ten
Commandments). Explain the concept of humility and what it means to obey.

Teach your children the Ten Commandments:

One-One. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me. God must be number one in your life.

Two-Shoe. Thou shalt not worship graven images or idols. A shoe has a gold buckle. The idols are gold.

Three-Tree. Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain. The tree has veins in the wood.

Four-Door. Thou shalt keep the Sabbath Day holy. The door is the church door.

Five-Beehive. Thou shalt honor thy mother and father. The mother bee is in the hive.

Six-Sticks. Thou shalt not kill. Sticks and stones may break my bones.

Seven-Heaven. Thou shalt not commit adultery. To get to heaven, you need to have your wife or husband and no one else.

Eight-Gate. Thou shalt not steal. Someone climbs over the gate to try to steal your things.

Nine-Telephone line. Thou shalt not lie or bear false witness against thy neighbor. Liar, liar pants on fire, hanging on the telephone wire.

Ten-Big fat hen. Thou shalt not covet. Your neighbor has a big fat hen, and you want it and are jealous.

Scripture: D&C 134:1.

As explained, our family rules are (1) Be kind and (2) Try your best. All of our other rules stem from these two concepts. These are great guidelines to have in our
home. As for the Ten Commandments, my husband and I know them now! My brother taught the Ten Commandments to my older son, and he taught all of us. We
had a great time learning them.

Family Teaching Activity 17: Rock Paper Scissors Trust-Building

Play a game with your children that demonstrates the attributes of a trusting person. Tell your children that you will play three rounds with five games in each round.
You are going to tell them rock, paper, or scissors, so they will need to guess whether you are telling the truth or lying. After your child has guessed true or false, you
then display a rock (fist), paper (flat hand), or scissors (two fingers) and tell the child which item will beat you, too.

In the first sequence of five, tell the truth every time. Ask them, "Did I tell the truth?" "Why did you think I was going to tell the truth each time?"

In the second sequence of five, tell a lie every time. "How did it make you feel when I lied every time?" "Did you still think I might tell the truth?" "What happens when
people keep on lying?" Explain how telling the truth will help us trust ourselves and other people.

In the third sequence of five, start out telling the truth and alternate with a truth and a lie every time. "Which did I do more, tell the truth or lie?" Review with them that
you told two lies and three truths. "Even when people sometimes tell the truth, it is still hard to trust them."

Talk with your children about honesty and telling the truth no matter what the cost. Share an experience you have had with telling the truth even when it was hard to do
so.

Scripture: Psalms 56:4.

This was a great exercise. My son said I was being sneaky the last time we did it. Weeks later when his friends wanted to play "Rock, Paper, Scissors," he said to
them, "Let's tell each other what we are throwing." I was pleased because that shows he remembered what we had played and had learned the importance of telling the
truth.

Family Teaching Activity 18: Sweet Potato

Materials needed: A ball and a timer.

Get a ball, potato, or other object and use a beeping timer or music. Have everyone sit around in a circle. Pass the object around the circle as fast as you can. When
the music stops or the timer beeps, the person with the object must stand up in the middle of the circle. He or she must go around the circle and give each person in the
circle a compliment. Then set the timer or the music until another person is in the "sweet" circle giving compliments to everyone. Play several rounds. Explain that one
way you can build friendship and trust is by noticing nice things and complimenting one another. Ask your family how they felt when they were being complimented.
How about when they were in the "sweet" circle? Talk about how you can receive a compliment. Encourage your children to say thank you instead of insulting the
compliment.
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                                        compliments
                                               Corp. the dress you are wearing, you do not reply, "Oh, I do not like it very much." Encourage the familyPage
                                                                                                                                                          to give18 / 88
compliments to one another often.

Scripture: 1 Samuel 16:7.
the music stops or the timer beeps, the person with the object must stand up in the middle of the circle. He or she must go around the circle and give each person in the
circle a compliment. Then set the timer or the music until another person is in the "sweet" circle giving compliments to everyone. Play several rounds. Explain that one
way you can build friendship and trust is by noticing nice things and complimenting one another. Ask your family how they felt when they were being complimented.
How about when they were in the "sweet" circle? Talk about how you can receive a compliment. Encourage your children to say thank you instead of insulting the
compliment. For example, if someone compliments the dress you are wearing, you do not reply, "Oh, I do not like it very much." Encourage the family to give
compliments to one another often.

Scripture: 1 Samuel 16:7.

I actually could not find a timer, and the music was too much of an effort, so we had one person alternate standing in the corner and then saying stop. Learning about
compliments early in life can add to the positive atmosphere in the home. When we played this game, all of our children loved giving and receiving compliments. My son
now often says, "Wow, Mom, you look beautiful." He knows I can never receive too many compliments.

Praising Chores

"Nothing is particularly hard if you break it down into small jobs." -Henry Ford

C hores! I love them because they present wonderful opportunities to give your children copious praise and a sense of accomplishment. One mother told me she would
rather not have her children help because little helpers take a lot longer to accomplish the task. True, many chores are easier and more efficiently done when you do
them, but then your children miss the chance to receive praise. In fact, I have found the easiest way to get chores done is by giving compliments. For example, I told my
son what a great job he did cleaning the bathroom counters. The next time they needed to be done, he actually volunteered, reminding me what a good job he did the
last time. Children want a chance to succeed, and doing chores can give them an opportunity to do so.

Strengthen the Relationship

In a tape called Love At Home, Bill and Chris Marshall state that the purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship. Strengthening the relationship should be the
first priority when you are doing chores, getting your children dressed, or putting them in the car. Does it really matter if the floor is spotless? Will it really drive you
crazy if the dishes are crooked in the dishwasher? Will you lose sleep if the clothes in your child's drawers are wadded into balls? A friend told me her husband loaded
the dishwasher wrong, which is not possible. (It can't be wrong if someone else loads it for me.) She would get so irked every time he loaded it. Finally, she said, she
decided it was not worth fussing over. I thought she would say that she just ran the dishwasher with the dishes crooked or showed him how to load the dishwasher her
way. Instead, she reloaded the dishwasher after he left for work. We must remember what is most important. What matters more, our relationships or proper dish
placement?

Now, do not get me wrong. You may be particular about certain things, and that's great, because those are the things you do not let your children do. It's hard to admit,
but I love to have vacuum lines on the carpet, especially in the living room, so I often make vacuuming the living room my chore. Another example: My husband is
meticulous about how the bathrooms are cleaned. Super for me! I clean them Monday through Thursday and then let him clean them every Saturday to his perfect
specifications. Now my oldest son helps him, and the clean bathrooms are a real treat for everyone, and working together strengthens the relationship between father
and son. We have basic chores our children are expected to perform, which includes making their beds, cleaning their rooms, managing their clothes, and clearing the
table. For the extra chores they do each week, we give our children a little incentive: two dollars a week for Connor and one dollar a week for Serena. This lets them
save up for a special treat.

When you perform activities as a family, strengthen the relationship through praising, talking, and listening.

Teach Children to Clean Now to Prepare for Later

A close friend of ours got married to a beautiful girl. She had many talents, but cooking was not one of them. Her mother was good at keeping a home lovely, and she
was a cooking connoisseur, but she was impatient and critical when her daughter helped with the cooking. The daughter acquired an aversion to even the simplest
cooking chores. What a shame that her mother did not take time to teach her. The things we are particular about are the things we may eventually need to teach our
children. I want all my sons and daughters to be great cleaners. However, my main objective in letting them help with the chores is to strengthen our relationship and
give them praise.

Prepare your children to be great cleaners when they go out on their own. (I know it is hard to imagine that day will ever come.)

Daily Chores

Our daily chores are posted on a brightly colored chart. My carpet is a lavish dark evergreen, and even the smallest spots of lint stand out, so we need to vacuum the
carpet every day. With toddlers around, the carpet could really use two vacuumings a day. We bought a little handheld vacuum, the perfect size for my oldest son, who
vacuums the hallway most mornings, tidies his room, and cleans the bathrooms. In the evening, he sets the table and clears the table. At first it was hard to get him to do
his jobs, but I was unrelenting in not allowing this opportunity for praise to slip by. So for him, I give incentives like beating the timer. Even though the list of chores may
sound overwhelming and time consuming, he can actually vacuum the hallway in under one minute and wipe the counters in the bathroom in about two. We are not
talking about a major time investment in chores, but I do try to make the experience a major investment in praise of a job well done.

The timer incentive does not work for my little girl. What she really wants is for me to help her, so I do, and that strengthens our relationship. My daughter vacuums the
stairs and puts away the kid's dishes from the dishwasher. My toddler son also loves to vacuum and actually cries if I do not let him participate in the morning fun of
chores. So I let him vacuum a high-traffic area in the living room. He does not do a perfect job, but he does pick up many items. When he is finished, I check his work
and quickly finish the spots he missed.

Our children know they cannot watch cartoons or play with their friends unless their chores are done. I like to spend time praising our children every morning, and
chores provide an opportunity for that to happen. In addition, I do not want to finish the day without another opportunity to tell our children how wonderful they are.
Nighttime chores are the perfect reminder so, at dinner, my six-year-old sets the table while I cook. Then we all help with the dinner dishes and usually have one person
read from the scriptures while we are cleaning. It is a great time for the family to be together and to have some loving words before bed.

Use daily chores as a way to praise children every day.

Secret Missions

I also use a fun way to get little chores done: the "Secret Mission." I ask our children, "Who wants to go on a secret mission?" They all love this game, so they always
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want         (c) 2005-2009,
      to volunteer.  I whisperInfobase   Media
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                                                   Then I say out loud, "Be sure not to tell anyone your secret mission!" They children report back to me  when 19
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finished. This is a fun way to get children involved in chores.
Secret Missions

I also use a fun way to get little chores done: the "Secret Mission." I ask our children, "Who wants to go on a secret mission?" They all love this game, so they always
want to volunteer. I whisper a task I need done. Then I say out loud, "Be sure not to tell anyone your secret mission!" They children report back to me when they are
finished. This is a fun way to get children involved in chores.

Make chores fun by being creative.

Saturday Chores

Saturday chores are for deep cleaning. On some Saturdays we treat our household like an army and prepare the troops for the battle. We have three phases. Our first
phase is thirty minutes long: the boys clean the bathrooms and the girls pick up misplaced items in all the rooms, getting them ready for vacuuming. The second phase is
longer: the girls fold and put away laundry and the boys vacuum and dust. The third phase is fifteen minutes long: as a family, we clean the kitchen and put all the rugs
back down from vacuuming. We set the timer and work as fast as we can. It is a fun game, and sometimes we listen to music. My oldest son will run to the kitchen
every five minutes and yell-"Hustle, hustle we only have twelve minutes-twelve minutes." Sometimes we do not finish in the designated time, so we do bonus rounds. It
has made Saturday chores fun.

We also purchased some walkie-talkies. Sometimes we let our children use the walkie-talkies as they clean. They report on how their job is going and request a
supervisor to come and check their work. The kids love playing this cleaning game.

Chores do not have to be a chore. Make them more like a game to play.

The Value of Hard Work

In the book Standing for Something, President Gordon B. Hinckley talks about learning the value of hard work. As a boy, he would get up early, and his father would
always be up by 5:00 a.m. Young Gordon would work on his chores until noon. He looks back on those chores as happy memories and uses them as examples to
teach hard work. Chores can also be a happy memory for our children. Although many of us do not live on farms where the chores consume most of our day, we can
still have chores set for the morning and afternoon, allowing children to spend minimal time but receive maximum praise. Take time to teach your children about chores
while they are young. Strengthen your relationship and teach your children to be hard workers. Enjoy the benefit of teaching-and having a clean home.

Not only does having your children do chores strengthen your relationship, but it teaches them to be hard workers. During the day, my daughter helps me clean the
kitchen. I give her easy tasks like wiping down the table. She loves to be Mommy's helper and often pleads for me to put her to work. I hope this urge to help me clean
continues in her teenage years, but even I am more realistic than that. On one occasion, my son went to spend the night at my sister's home. He lamented, "But
Mommy, what are you going to do without me? Who will vacuum the hallway stairs?" I thought it was great that he felt his contributions were indispensable.

Teach your children the value of hard work and trying their best.

Summary

I have heard about parents who put special capes on their children, who then "fly" around the house doing their chores. I chuckled when I heard a story of a mother
who closed down the kitchen when her children refused to help. She posted a sign that said "Health Department-Closed Down until Clean." No matter how you decide
to teach them to work, children are never too young to get started. If chores are a hassle and you end up yelling and telling them to do it now, you have missed the
point. The point is to strengthen the relationship. Help them. Love them. Grow with them.

Mommy, Mommy, I finished my chore.

Look! You missed a spot on the floor.

I picked up the toys and my dollies, too.

Finish your bedroom when you are through.

Mommy, I put all the dishes away.

Sweep the floor before you play.

At a neighbor's home you often hear

Different words that do endear:

Daddy, Daddy, my chores are done.

I love you so much! You're a wonderful son.

Mommy, Mommy, I picked up my toys!

My wonderful child! My joy of joys!

Together let's clean, just me and you.

I love you, Mommy.

I love you too.

-Tamara Fackrell

Making It Work
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Assess your current cleaning. Is your house as clean as you'd like it to be? If so, pat yourself on your back and throw a party somewhere besides your home so you
will not have the after-party abyss. Do you let your children help? If not, think of some ways they can. Chores for two-year-olds can include cleaning fingerprints off the
-Tamara Fackrell

Making It Work

Assess your current cleaning. Is your house as clean as you'd like it to be? If so, pat yourself on your back and throw a party somewhere besides your home so you
will not have the after-party abyss. Do you let your children help? If not, think of some ways they can. Chores for two-year-olds can include cleaning fingerprints off the
walls, using a small vacuum to vacuum high-traffic areas, dusting low shelves with items removed, and placing plastic dishes in low cupboards. I usually clap and make a
big hoopla, and my two-year-old often claps for himself if I forget.

Find some chores your children can do. There are many little things that need to be done each day. Find a chore that will be easy enough for each child in your family. I
usually begin assigning chores when our children turn two and a half, and they are always excited to get their first assignment. I think of a Family Circus comic strip that
my mom had hanging in our laundry room when I was a teenager. The mom is exhausted when her husband comes home from work. The husband asks, "Hard day?"
She replies, "I had help." Then the comic strip show clips of her children "helping" and making twice as much work for the mother. Although there may be some chores
that are not appropriate for children to help with, we should let them help even if it takes a little more time and patience. Remember, chores provide an opportunity to
praise your children and strengthen your relationship with them.

Allow mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable. Do not be a perfectionist when it comes to your children's cleaning. When I was young, someone told me I was holding the
broom the wrong way. For a long time, I never liked to sweep. (Luckily, I finally got over myself and let it go!) Make chores a positive experience for your children.

Family Teaching Activity 19: Chore Chart

Materials needed: Construction paper and markers.

Chore charts are wonderful. They will help your children be more enthusiastic about doing their chores. Make a chart and list everyone's names and responsibilities.
Then have some sort of reward system, such as checkmarks, stickers, or stars, or take your kids out for ice cream for every dozen checkmarks. Talk about the
importance of working together as a family team.

Scripture: D&C 88:119.

We made our chore charts on the computer. The children picked out graphics for their sheet. Everyone got his or her own sheet with plenty of squares for stickers. We
made a trip to the dollar store when the charts were full. Charts are always wonderful and work for a season, and then I try something new, but I always seem to go
back to the charts.

Here is a chore chart that has worked great for us. When my children ask if they can do something, I have them check the list. We keep a copy of the list in each child's
room. Even though not all of them can read, they love to use the list as I read them the items.

My Morning List

Get dressed (shirt and pants)

Get shoes and socks on

Comb my hair

Eat my breakfast

Brush my teeth

Get on my backpack and coat

Say prayer

Read a scripture

Give mom a kiss good-bye

My After-School List

Put backpack and coat in the garage

Do one page of homework

Do one short chore

Eat a snack

My Bedtime List

Get in my pajamas

Put my clothes away

Brush my teeth

Get out my clothes for tomorrow (shirt, pants, shoes, socks, jacket, backpack)

Get my homework
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          (c) 2005-2009,                                                                                                                                 Page 21 / 88
Go potty
Brush my teeth

Get out my clothes for tomorrow (shirt, pants, shoes, socks, jacket, backpack)

Get my homework ready

Go potty

Say prayers

Read scriptures

Read a storybook

Go to sleep and stay in bed

Family Teaching Activity 20: Cleaning List

Materials needed: Paper and pencil and a picture of the temple.

Take time to make a list of all the things you clean in a day. Make it very detailed, so you can easily come up with forty things. Break down the rooms. For example,
don't just list "Clean the kitchen"; instead, list "Wipe the counters," "Sweep the floors," "Put the food away," "Wipe the cupboards," "Mop the floor," "Load the
dishwasher," "Put the dishes away," and "Clean the sink." Then have a lesson on keeping your home clean like a temple. Show your children the picture of the temple.
Read to them all the chores you have to do. Ask if they would want to do all of those chores by themselves. Ask them for help by committing them to do little things
every day. You may suggest some things, like putting away their toys and clothes and putting their dishes in the dishwasher. Talk about how much work it is to keep up
a household when working alone. Encourage them to participate in making your home beautiful.

Scripture: D&C 132:8.

All of our children decided they were happy they did not have to be the mom, at least for now. Our family commented that being a mom sounds like a lot of work.
They all committed to help more, and when we were cleaning the kitchen, they made special efforts to do bonus chores.

Family Teaching Activity 21: Undercover Cleaning Agents

Materials needed: Paper and pencil.

First write a letter that says, "Fackrell Family, we have a special mission for you to complete. You must do it in secret and not let anyone know what you are doing. We
have just discovered that the Dirty Mobsters are taking over the area. They come in all shapes and sizes, such as dirty dishes, dust, and spots on the carpet. We have
contacted you because we know you are the best. Your first mission is to go to your special-agent room. There, behind the door, you'll find another message. Bring the
note back here in two minutes." Then, in each person's room behind the door, leave a secret-agent note. Each note will give them a task to do; for example: "The duster
is in the closet. Retrieve it and dust the shelves. Report back to base as soon as possible. We know this is dangerous, but you can do it. Be careful, secret agent." You
could also have them sweep the floor, vacuum, put away the dishes, pick up the clothes in their room, or pick up the toys. After the chores are completed, have
everyone meet back at home base. Have secret-agent certificates ready for them, along with some treats. Talk about how fun it can be to keep the house clean. Talk
about ways everyone can help.

Scripture: D&C 109:15-16.

Our secret missions are always a big hit. My son scrubbed the toilets and my daughter vacuumed the stairs. They also had a secret mission to pick up their toys. Their
chores definitely seemed like a game, and they had fun. Our children now ask to play this game, and of course I never refuse to let them play. I try to remember to give
them praise so they know I appreciate their help and will want to play the game again.

Undercover Cleaning Agent

CERTIFICATE OF AGENT STATUS

This is to certify that

_______________

has successfully completed a

TOP-SECRET CLEANING MISSION

To Clean or Not to Clean? That Is the Question

"Make your home clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy." -Jayne Ann Payne

Y our husband walks in from work and is alarmed. The front door is open, and a turned-over lamp and pieces of a broken toy litter the entryway. Cat food is
everywhere. He looks in the living room and sees piles of clothes all over the place. A plant has been knocked over, and the dirt is ground into the carpet. The couch
cushions have been ripped off, and the piano bench is overturned, with music pages littering the room. He can hear the children screaming in the backyard. He tries to
rush up the stairs, but he can hardly get through. A pile of pillows and blankets at the end of the stairs practically makes a mountain. When he walks into the kitchen, he
sees bits of cereal, splattered milk, and a whole pitcher of juice leaking through the cracks of the kitchen table. The drip is slow and constant. The dishes are piled high,
and the kitchen counters cannot even be seen. Now he is worried that his wife may be sick or that something terrible has happened.

He runs down the hall and peeks into the bathroom. Toothpaste is smeared all over the wall, wet towels are heaped on the floor, and rolls of toilet paper make a trail
through the house. Then he sees you curled up on the bed, still in your pajamas, reading a book. You say, "Hello, dear, how was your day?" He rushes to your side.
"Are you all right? What happened today?" You reply, "You know how you are always asking me what in the world I do all day? Well, today I didn't do it."
Copyright (c) 2005-2009, Infobase Media Corp.                                                                                                             Page 22 / 88
Sound familiar? Have you ever had your husband come home and ask, "What have you been doing all day?" Your answer is probably "What have I not been doing all
day?" When my husband comes home, the floor does not look like it has been swept three times-four, actually-nor does the bedroom show the toys and clothes picked
He runs down the hall and peeks into the bathroom. Toothpaste is smeared all over the wall, wet towels are heaped on the floor, and rolls of toilet paper make a trail
through the house. Then he sees you curled up on the bed, still in your pajamas, reading a book. You say, "Hello, dear, how was your day?" He rushes to your side.
"Are you all right? What happened today?" You reply, "You know how you are always asking me what in the world I do all day? Well, today I didn't do it."

Sound familiar? Have you ever had your husband come home and ask, "What have you been doing all day?" Your answer is probably "What have I not been doing all
day?" When my husband comes home, the floor does not look like it has been swept three times-four, actually-nor does the bedroom show the toys and clothes picked
up en masse because my chameleon daughter has changed outfits five times. I hope that changing into multiple matching outfits each day is just a stage, but my own
teenage years tell me this stage may continue a long time, maybe a lifetime. Let's face it, by the time our husbands get home from work, our homes may look like
disaster areas.

Recently I went to a friend's home-the kind where you expect everything to be spotless. I was relieved to find that every little item was not in place. When I asked to
borrow a pen, she said she would have a hard time finding one. I think a crayon would have been easier. It was such a relief to know that even the perfect home is not
always spotless. But spotless and decent are two different things. When my house is messy, I find it hard to think straight-or crooked, for that matter. Obviously,
keeping your home clean is one way to improve the environment, not only in your home but also in your mind.

Baby Steps

We have already discussed how the family can help by doing chores. But that still means we have about fifty menial tasks on our daily to-do list. With so many chores,
the day may seem like pure drudgery! I have a friend who wanted to lose weight. She told me she could not go to the gym because she was an "all or nothing" type of
person. If she committed to go to the gym, she would have to be there five days a week for two hours a day. Then she would have to starve herself on a new diet and
buy expensive, low-calorie food, and she could not afford to spend so much time and money on her weight at that time. I asked, "Why can't you just have a simple goal
of going to the gym two times a week and committing to not eating after 8:00 p.m." She thought about that, recognizing that she could take small steps to reach her
larger goal. We need to approach cleaning house in the same fashion. A clean home does not mean we have to have our recipes constantly alphabetized and our junk
drawer always organized, although that is a nice fantasy. Let's start with smaller steps. My goal is to have my home clean enough to be presentable and messy enough
that children can have fun.

The first step for me was finally having a home that had a living room located so that the rest of the house, especially the kitchen, was private. It is not too hard for me
to keep the living room clean because we rarely go in there, thank goodness. Because of that, it almost always looks nice for company.

Cleaning can be overwhelming if you look at the whole messy picture. Take small steps and develop systems to make your cleaning more manageable.

Bed Clothes and Dishes

When I was growing up, my mom told us each day that we needed to make our bed, fold our clothes, and do the dishes. Shortened, that's bed, clothes, and dishes.
Now that I run my own household, I find those three essentials are paramount to keeping our home clean.

The first thing I do in the morning is make my bed, and I usually make my husband's side too. My grandma told me, "If there is one thing I could leave you with, it
would be to make your bed every morning and then, right after, get down on your knees and begin the day with prayer." I have never forgotten her words. I do
associate making my bed with prayer. I rarely make my bed without then praying. It is a great way to get the house clean and to remember you really are a "spiritual
being having a human experience."

Next, we have clothes, and every mother has her own system. For me, I have allowed our children to put their own clothes in their drawers. Of course, that means if I
am not nearby to help them, the clothes may end up wadded and wrinkled in the drawer. But I do not care because they will learn to fold as they reach school age, and
most of the time I help them fold the clothes before they put them into the drawers. My hope is that someday they will want their clothes folded in their drawers, but
until then I will not lose sleep over it, with so many other things to lose sleep over.

Second, I developed a laundry system. In my laundry room, I have two long shelves. The top shelf I use for clean clothes; the bottom shelf I use for dirty clothes. As I
fold the clean clothes and put them away, that leaves me with an empty basket. I go to the hamper and sort the laundry to fill my basket. Then I take it downstairs to
the bottom shelf in the laundry room. I am hoping there might be another mom who occasionally washes the same load up to three times because the laundry was put
on the end of the list for more than one day. Sometimes another fabric softener sheet just will not do the trick. Once I get the mountains of laundry pushed through the
machine, the laundry journey is still uphill. Folding thousands of tiny socks, pants, and bibs can be overwhelming. Determined to make it enjoyable, I used the following
idea for a whole basketball season. My son and I played laundry basketball. We have a basket for each person in our family. We would set a line and try to throw the
clothes in the right basket for two points. If the item gets partially in the basket but not all the way, you get one point. If you miss, you get to try again. When it came to
folding, I would watch my favorite program on the Discovery Channel while I folded clothes. That way I can justify spending a little time in front of the television without
feeling too guilty. As with other things, I used the folding system for a couple months, tried something new, and then went back to the original plan. Naturally, once I get
a load folded and put away, several other loads are waiting to begin the journey.

Of course, sock locks are an absolute must, no matter what system I am using, because unlocked socks end up somewhere in an alternate universe. Actually, a friend
suggested that I start from scratch with my socks. So, I purchased four mega-size sock packages, with all socks the same kind. I have a black Sunday variation and a
specific sock style for each size needed. When I need to replenish, I go to the store and purchase exactly the same brand. That has eliminated most of my problems
with unmatched socks.

Another laundry hint, this one from my sister, is the great "one-touch rule." When she gets laundry out of the dryer, she only wants to touch it once (thus saving time), so
she folds and puts away the clothes immediately. I admire her tenacity and diligence with her laundry but have not yet been able to incorporate that method into my own
chaotic home.

Dishes can be fun. When my teenage niece was living with us, I would say, "Let's go do the dishes so we can chat." Again, this is the principle of multitasking or doing
two or more things at the same time. The main purpose was chatting, but we were also getting the dishes done. I think most mothers can multitask many things-watch
the two-year-old, fold laundry, listen to another child's oration, and plan an activity. We can sleep yet have a listening ear for our children. We can talk on the phone
while painting our fingernails, cooking soup, and hearing the swish of the dishwasher running. Now that my niece has left, I have resorted to listening to tapes while I do
dishes. I love it! There is nothing like listening to a good book on tape while cleaning because it makes me want to do one more thing in the house so I can finish the
chapter. At night, we usually all help with the dishes at a leisurely pace, and sometimes one of us reads from the scriptures. At other times we all work frantically on the
dishes, trying to beat the time of twenty minutes. It is such a nice feeling to go to bed knowing that the dishes are done and the floor has been swept. You cannot
imagine what happens to the floor if I let it go an extra day. (Well, maybe you can.)

Do the essentials of bed, clothes, and dishes even on those crazy and exhausting days.
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Toys

Toys are another problem I face every day, but having a toy shelf has helped keep many toys off the floor. When we had a toy box, every toy was dumped out each
imagine what happens to the floor if I let it go an extra day. (Well, maybe you can.)

Do the essentials of bed, clothes, and dishes even on those crazy and exhausting days.

Toys

Toys are another problem I face every day, but having a toy shelf has helped keep many toys off the floor. When we had a toy box, every toy was dumped out each
time the kids wanted to play, and all those toys made a mess in a hurry. Now they sit on the shelves, with only a few coming down at a time. Every month I sort through
the toys, disposing of unmatched parts, broken toys, and cheap toys that we collect from Kid's Meals. Having fewer little toys makes things easier to manage. I also
rotate toys by having some toys out and another bag of toys in storage. Occasionally I switch the toys in storage, giving the children "new" toys to play with. That also
means cleaning up toys is no longer such an insurmountable task. It is also easier for me to keep toys just in the toy room so I do not have to pick them up everywhere.
Of course, the children bring toys to their rooms to play with, but we put them back downstairs when we sort. Toys can be unmanageable, and I have found it best to
keep my home organized by limiting the number and size of the toys, especially the "million pieces" type, usually given to my children by well-meaning relatives.
However, if you have a great organizing system, those types of toys do stimulate your children's creativity and imagination.

Manage all the toys in a way that makes you and your children happy. It is amazing how few toys children really need in order to feel that they have an abundance.

Quick Slick

Essentially, I have learned to appreciate anything I can clean up the night before, which will make the next morning even better. Sometimes I spend twenty minutes
cleaning up the house at night to have a fresh start in the morning, because tomorrow I do not want to wake up to yesterday's problems. Another friend spends thirty
minutes right before her husband gets home in a last-ditch effort to make things look great. Whatever works!

Another helpful rule is "see and do." If you see something that needs to be picked up, do it then, not the third or fourth time you pass by. I must confess I am no expert
at this rule, but I think of it every time I see something for the second or third time.

Once when we were visiting a relative, she informed us, "You can help yourselves to anything you want; just make sure you clean up after yourselves." This was a new
concept for me, because I was so used to treating guests like kings and queens. So, I encourage my children to clean up after themselves. I insist they clear their own
dishes from the table after every meal and not just put them in the sink but in the dishwasher (if it is empty, and it often is). This makes for an erratic-looking
configuration of dishes in the dishwasher, but they still get clean.

If time is short and your list is long, quickly pick up and leave the baseboards for later.

Helping Hands

After delivering my third baby, I was feeling (not surprisingly) a little overwhelmed. We had just moved into a new neighborhood, so I did not know many people, but I
decided I needed some help. I found four girls in the neighborhood, ages eight to twelve, who would come over and be "Mommy's helpers." This saved me just to have
another pair of hands around the house. I paid them about fifty cents an hour, and it was the best bargain ever. The girls would rotate, each taking one day. You can
also find older Mommy's helpers to come in and help you clean. Folding laundry is at the top of my list, along with cleaning handprints off the walls.

A friend recently had a cleaning person come in and deep clean her house for thirty dollars. She said it was great because her husband was thrilled to have a spotless
home and her sanity was temporarily saved. I'm not saying it's necessary to have a full-time cleaning person (although that would be nice). But why not give yourself a
treat and have someone clean for you once a month or once each season?

Let others help you!

Summary

Cleaning our homes can be an overwhelming responsibility. We should take cleaning one step at a time. Of course, everyone loves to live in a clean home, but keeping
a home clean is difficult when you have eight dirty hands keeping you in check. Try your best and make at least the minimum effort with beds, clothes, and dishes every
day.

Making It Work

Spend a little time every day. When we first got married, my husband and I were both in school, and sometimes I would get way behind in my cleaning. Little did I
know that managing with two people in the home would be an easy task compared to keeping the home intact with four little children. Spend a little time every day
keeping your home clean. At least do the minimum of making the beds, putting away the clothes, and doing the dishes. Even if you are exhausted, set the timer for just
ten minutes and do as much as you can in the time allotted.

Find ways to get the family involved. A friend with a teenager and a husband told me she runs around all day just cleaning up after everyone. She felt resentful and
unloved. I thought, "Why doesn't she just ask for some help from her family?" As mothers, we do not need to run around like chickens with their heads cut off to keep
our homes clean. The responsibility of keeping the house clean is not yours alone. Let others in your family do their part. Find ways for even little hands to help. Have
the family work together instead of doing it all yourself. The result may not be perfect, but your children will learn new skills and have a sense of achievement.

Develop family cleaning systems. I think sometimes we just expect our children to know how to clean. I remember when I was about twelve, I started to do my own
laundry. My mom told me if the load was not full, I should put some towels in the load. The next time I had a load that was not full, I got clean towels out of the cabinet
and cautiously loaded the pristine Downy-smelling victims into the wash. The thought had never occurred to me that she meant dirty towels. When she saw me doing
this, she gently corrected, "I meant dirty towels. These towels will be extra clean, but next time just look in the clothes hamper." Sometimes we assume our children
know how to clean because they are such experts at making messes. Cleaning is a skill all people need to learn, so teach your children.

Family Teaching Activity 22: Clean vs. Dirty

Materials needed: A messy room.

Purposely keep one of the rooms in the house cluttered and dusty. Then, when family night comes, go into that room and talk about how it looks. Ask the family how
they feel. Ask what would make this room better. Ask them if it would be easy to play, pray, or think in the room. Then clean the room together. Talk about what you
did to clean the room. Ask them how they feel in the clean room. Then have a lesson on keeping the home clean. Ask how they can help. Talk about why it is important
toCopyright (c) 2005-2009,
   have a clean             Infobase
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                                           abide                                                                                                          Page
                                                 in it.) Ask whose responsibility it is to keep the home clean. (Everyone in the family.) Tell them if we all do our24 / 88
                                                                                                                                                                     part in
cleaning, then keeping the house clean can be easier.
Purposely keep one of the rooms in the house cluttered and dusty. Then, when family night comes, go into that room and talk about how it looks. Ask the family how
they feel. Ask what would make this room better. Ask them if it would be easy to play, pray, or think in the room. Then clean the room together. Talk about what you
did to clean the room. Ask them how they feel in the clean room. Then have a lesson on keeping the home clean. Ask how they can help. Talk about why it is important
to have a clean home. (To have the Spirit abide in it.) Ask whose responsibility it is to keep the home clean. (Everyone in the family.) Tell them if we all do our part in
cleaning, then keeping the house clean can be easier.

Scripture: 2 Chronicles 29:15.

Wow, can our house get messy in a hurry! As I was preparing to do this activity, I thought about which room I would leave messy. I decided to leave the kitchen, since
I usually spend the most time cleaning it. I felt a little irritated letting it be so dirty, and yet I really got the point across. Our children agreed that when the house is
messy, they are sad. They actually like to start with a clean house before they mess it up! We all had a great time cleaning up the kitchen together. Of course, we had
some pie for dessert and more plates and forks to clean.

Family Teaching Activity 23: A Clean Treat

Materials needed: Timer and treats.

Go to a room that needs picking up. Tell everyone that the goal is to pick up fifteen things as fast as they can. (I am hoping some of your rooms look like mine, with lots
of toys and clothes on the floor.) You can also choose to give bonuses if they pick up more than fifteen. Explain that after everyone is finished, you will have treats.
Have someone set a timer and begin. Have everyone race around picking up the items. After everything is picked up, stop the timer and have treats. Talk about how
long it took to clean up with everyone working together. Then ask how long it would have taken to clean up with just one person doing it. Ask if they had fun making
cleaning a game. Talk about different opportunities to work together while making it fun. Explain that when you all work together, it gives you all more time to play
together.

Scripture D&C 108:7.

Our children are experts at this activity. We often pick up forty or more items from the toy-room floor. Picking up the toy room together is always the most fun. We
sing our clean-up song, and before we know it, things look great.

Family Teaching Activity 24: The Clean Team

Materials needed: Cleaning supplies and camera.

Decide on a chore that you want everyone in the family to learn, such as washing walls, scrubbing toilets, vacuuming, washing, or cleaning baseboards. Then have a
lesson on how to clean and let each person in the family take a turn trying out the new technique. While they are taking turns, let them be "clean models": Let them do a
pose in cleaning position while you take a picture. Afterward, talk about how important it is to learn to clean. Ask them what they think Heavenly Father's home looks
like. Ask them what they want their own home to look like when they grow up. Explain the importance of keeping your home clean.

Scripture: Joshua 24:15.

My husband taught us how to properly clean the faucet. He likes it to be particularly shiny with a good finish job and no spots. Now when my son cleans the faucet, he
takes special care to please his father. The picture was great for our scrapbook.

Chapter 9: Find a Penny Pick It Up and All Day Long You'll Have Good Luck

"It is the soul that makes a man rich. He is rich or poor according to what he is and not according to what he has." -Henry Ward Beecher

W hich would you rather have: a million dollars or a penny doubled every day for a month? I encourage you to save your pennies, as the amount doubled each day for
a thirty-one-day month will yield over ten times as much: $10,737,417-excluding fees and taxes, of course, which make many of us penniless. My dad has an accurate
and funny cross-stitch that says, "Money talks . . . and all mine ever says is good-bye." You can imagine that, with seven children, my parents had a budget. However,
as a child I felt I could always get anything I really wanted, because we were encouraged to save for things. My parents came up with a rule that when we were sixteen,
if we would save up for a car, they would reciprocate our efforts by matching the amount we saved. I remember going with my older sixteen-year-old sister who was
filled with anticipation and exhilaration to get her first "new-to-her" car. What an exciting event and memory-maker for a ten-year-old who felt that sixteen was a million
years away. After my sister grew out of the car-financially, not physically, of course-my dad used the car for years, and he called it the most dependable car we ever
owned. That is really not saying much, for our family has had a mechanical conspiracy raging against us for decades. My little sister would beg to differ, though,
because by the time she "inherited" the "new-to-her" sixteen-year-old dilapidated jalopy, the only music came from a waterproof, indestructible shower radio with no
tape deck hanging precariously from the handle above the driver's door. What a teenager will do for music in the car! At least this prohibited her from "blasting" friends
with her music, unless you count the radio static. At stop signs or lights, if she stopped too suddenly, the antiquated seat would fling backward, a disaster that was
impossible to fix without getting out of the car. Hence, she had many apparent Chinese fire drills, leaping out of the car to fix the seat with a gentle kick and several
ferocious tugs.

You Make It We Match It

As for my husband and me, to say we have a tight budget would be an understatement. One friend tells me, "Someday when you are affluent, you will really appreciate
the days of struggling." I cannot wait for that day to come. Nevertheless, I have appreciated the saving concepts we have been able to teach our children. My son saw
a commercial for a Harley Davidson Power Wheel that was being advertised for Christmas. His hopes were high that Santa, who has, according to all children, a
boundless resource of money, would leave it under the Christmas tree for him. I knew that our resources did not match Santa's, which really did break my heart. I
encouraged him to start saving his money for the latest childhood craze, and we would also save to match whatever he could make. We put a picture of the motorcycle
on his mirror. I did not really know whether he would save or burn out way before the amount could be gathered, and that is when we started giving him an allowance,
which can add up to two dollars if he does all his chores. Giving an allowance helped us encourage budgeting and paying tithing. As for the motorcycle, he was
overwhelmed with tears to discover on Christmas that Santa had given the motorcycle to his best friend and not to him. He did not understand why Santa would spoil
one child when another child wanted the exact same toy. I kept on encouraging him, and he got creative about how to raise money. He is an entrepreneur, just like his
dad, so at the family reunion he sold candy (with the help of his aunt) to earn money. He also encouraged both grandmas to give him money for his birthday. Then,
when he was down to his last ten dollars, he told his uncle about how excited he was to get his motorcycle. His uncle made an investment in the boy and created a
legacy for the uncle. We encouraged our son to take the tithing out of his money, and he paid it to the bishop. After endless months and several years in "child's time" of
saving, we jubilantly went out and purchased his motorcycle. He has really taken care of it, and he loves to ride it when there is no ice on the sidewalks. We went to the
 Copyright
Manti        (c) and
       pageant   2005-2009,   Infobase
                     had him and        Media
                                  Serena,       Corp.
                                          his permanent  "motorcycle babe," ride the mile from the car to the pageant on the motorcycle.                Page 25 / 88

I do not want our children to buy everything they see on television. If my son buys a cheap, commercialized toy, I take the opportunity to say, "Some things shown on
dad, so at the family reunion he sold candy (with the help of his aunt) to earn money. He also encouraged both grandmas to give him money for his birthday. Then,
when he was down to his last ten dollars, he told his uncle about how excited he was to get his motorcycle. His uncle made an investment in the boy and created a
legacy for the uncle. We encouraged our son to take the tithing out of his money, and he paid it to the bishop. After endless months and several years in "child's time" of
saving, we jubilantly went out and purchased his motorcycle. He has really taken care of it, and he loves to ride it when there is no ice on the sidewalks. We went to the
Manti pageant and had him and Serena, his permanent "motorcycle babe," ride the mile from the car to the pageant on the motorcycle.

I do not want our children to buy everything they see on television. If my son buys a cheap, commercialized toy, I take the opportunity to say, "Some things shown on
television are not as cool when you get them home. Look how easily this was broken! That was definitely not worth saving for." This helps him understand the potential
problems with advertising and encourages him to be careful when spending his money.

Encourage your children to save money when they are young. Help them think of some goals for saving; then help them reach those goals.

Saving as a Family

As a family, we recently bought a trampoline, for which everyone saved for nearly two years. We are also saving to go to Disneyland. I received a three-foot-tall baby
bottle, a decoration, of course, from a baby shower, and we use it to hold our extra change, which has become the Disneyland fund. The goal is to fill the bottle to the
top, and that is taking a long time to do. We have been saving for four years and still do not have enough for our trip. I guess you could say we are shortchanged. But
the dream is still there. Some days when cash is low, we have to borrow from our children or the Disneyland fund. We always keep track with IOUs, but it is quite
funny when your little son has more money than you do.

Have family goals to save for. Let everyone see the joy of setting a goal and accomplishing the reward.

Teaching Children Tithing and Saving

Connor and Ashdon have a missionary fund. When it is time for a haircut, instead of taking them to the salon, we put ten dollars into the savings account and cut their
hair ourselves. We are also encouraging them to start now to save for their missions. They put away 10 percent for that and 10 percent for tithing. Supposedly, if you
save 10 percent of your income throughout your life, you can retire early and be wealthy. We have also encouraged our daughter to start a savings account for a
mission or her college education. When she received twenty dollars for her birthday, instead of spending the cash on another toy, she put the money into her savings
account. What a wonderful adventure we had when she gave the teller her money to keep safe.

When our children go to the store with me, they usually beg me for many things, which has encouraged me to shop when my husband is home so I do not have to take
any of the children. If our children do go on the shopping expedition, I usually tell them that if they want something, they have to buy it with their own money. Usually
they will not get anything, but sometimes they decide the desire for the sweet is more than the desire for the saving. After a short talk on priorities, I ask them if they
would rather have the candy or Disneyland. I tell them if they spend all their money now, we will never reach our savings goals. Sometimes my persuasion wins the day
for delayed gratification, yet other times immediate taste-bud ticklers rule the day-and much of the night, depending on the sugar content.

If the children see something they want, instead of crying and fussing because they are not immediately satisfied, they say, "We can save up." One family in our area
does not have a car. We have talked to the children about how many blessings we have, especially compared with other people from less-fortunate countries. When
my son discovered that this family did not have a car, he asked how they got places. I told him they walked or rode a bike. My son excitedly exclaimed, "Mommy, it's
okay, they can save up and buy a car." This family might not be able to do that. However, I was thankful my son understood how important money is, that it does not
grow on trees, and that he should appreciate his blessings.

It is never too early to start saving for missions, college, and other needs.

Story Clothes

Another creative way we have learned to save money was inspired by an episode of Katie and Orbie. In this particular show, Katie receives and gives hand-me-down
clothes from and to a neighbor family. They call the clothes "story clothes," which I think is a big improvement from the common "hand-me-downs." Story clothes have
stories and adventures from previous owners. When my two-year-old was walking around in his pajamas at a family reunion, my sister remarked that the pajamas were
third generation because they had been worn by her son, my older son, and now my two-year-old. In Katie and Orbie, the neighbor spent time telling Katie about the
stories or the adventures she had while wearing the clothes, and Katie shared similar stories. In the end, Katie says story clothes are her favorite. Story clothes are our
favorite too. My sister and I share our children's clothes. My son loves his story shirts and insists on hearing escapades of his older cousin who wore many of the
clothes when he lived in New York. Using story clothes is a great way to save money and have fun at the same time.

If you can get story clothes, enjoy the gift. If you can give story clothes, enjoy the blessings.

The Seven-Dollar Rule

I love to shop for bargains, so I invented the seven-dollar rule, which is buying items that are on sale and trying never to spend more than seven dollars on one item. My
favorite bargain shopping is crazily done at the 75-percent-off sales at Dillard's (February and October), JCPenney (July), and Nordstrom (November). It is amazing
how many fun things you can find for under seven dollars. I know the months that have the big sales and try to buy our children's clothes out of season to live by the
rule. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but I try to stay within seven dollars, which has made bargain shopping even more fun. Other times when I am
shopping with my niece or sister, I hold up a shirt and ask "How much?" They will guess a price-usually low, like five dollars-and if the shirt costs less than her guess, I
put the item in my "maybe" pile, which I sort through right before I check out. Bargain shopping makes life affordable and fun.

Teach your children to be frugal.

Summary

Teaching your children about saving and the value of money is invaluable for their childhood and for their adulthood. They can begin saving for missions and college
even while young. They can also learn the principles of paying tithing and fast offerings as soon as they get their own allowance. Using story clothes and shopping for
bargains can help children look fashionable on a tight budget.

Making It Work

Even if you do not have a lot of money, do things that make you feel rich. I have decided that being rich is not about how much money you spend but rather about how
much money you save. I know plenty of people who make a lot more money than our family, yet their spending exceeds their income. Being wise about spending
requires
 Copyrightself-mastery. There Infobase
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                                                 I do that inevitably make me feel as if I am in paradise, regardless of how much money we have. ThesePage   things can
                                                                                                                                                                     26be/ 88
inexpensive: taking a road trip, going camping, going to the dollar store and letting our children pick out anything in the store, getting my hair cut (I am not brave enough
to try cutting my own hair), taking a lavish bath, having a friend give me a manicure, or buying a new stylish outfit within the seven-dollar rule. Think of things that make
you feel rich but do not cost a lot. Then do one! Also, save up your money until you have enough to make a purchase, and do not feel guilty for rewarding yourself
Making It Work

Even if you do not have a lot of money, do things that make you feel rich. I have decided that being rich is not about how much money you spend but rather about how
much money you save. I know plenty of people who make a lot more money than our family, yet their spending exceeds their income. Being wise about spending
requires self-mastery. There are certain things I do that inevitably make me feel as if I am in paradise, regardless of how much money we have. These things can be
inexpensive: taking a road trip, going camping, going to the dollar store and letting our children pick out anything in the store, getting my hair cut (I am not brave enough
to try cutting my own hair), taking a lavish bath, having a friend give me a manicure, or buying a new stylish outfit within the seven-dollar rule. Think of things that make
you feel rich but do not cost a lot. Then do one! Also, save up your money until you have enough to make a purchase, and do not feel guilty for rewarding yourself
every blue moon-or full moon, if you can afford it.

Help your family develop self-mastery. Even if you have sufficient money, teach your children to save for the things they want. My son often wants something
unreasonable, so we discuss the parable of the servant and the master. I have him tell me the difference between a servant and a master. Then we talk about how we
want to be the master of ourselves and not a servant to other things. A synonym for self-mastery is also self-control. I explained this to my son by stating, "When your
brain wants something really bad, but you know you should not have it, that is self-control." He often will exclaim his triumph in self-control when his brain wants sweets
before dinner or he wants to play but has not done his chores. Explain the importance of developing this quality, and praise your children whenever they use self-
mastery.

Implement the seven-dollar rule. Even if you cannot stay within the seven-dollar rule, encourage your children to find things on sale. My son loves Nintendo games.
Instead of buying them new, we shop the "used" sale at different video stores. We actually got our Nintendo for free when my husband signed up for his cellular phone,
so it was within the seven-dollar rule too! My son knows he has to find a great sale to get a game, and many of the games fall within the seven-dollar rule. Kids are
never too young to begin bargain shopping.

Family Teaching Activity 25: Tithing in Kind

Materials needed: Five dollars in coins.

Bring five dollars worth of coins. Explain to your children the importance of tithing. Then put out different amounts of money and help them calculate the tithing for each
amount. Explain that tithing used to be paid "in kind." In Joseph Smith's time, people did not use a lot of currency. Instead, they gave 10 percent of their chickens,
cows, grain, and so on. Explain that many of the early Saints would give the best 10 percent they had for tithing. Ask how we can give the best 10 percent we have.
Talk as a family about opportunities like paying fast offerings and giving service in Church callings.

Scripture: D&C 64:23.

When we are talking about tithing, it is easy for our children to say they want to give all their money to the Church. But as soon as they want something in the store,
these desires are quickly replaced with their many wants. This talk was particularly meaningful as we talked about specific families we could help in our ward. My
children volunteered to give some clothes and toys to a family in need. We sorted through their things and gave some of them to the family. The family greatly
appreciated it, and we felt that we received many blessings for giving them the items. We felt this helped us to pay our tithing and give our best 10 percent.

Family Teaching Activity 26: I'm Rich!

Materials needed: A budget.

This lesson is on money management. Talk about the bills that must be paid monthly, like rent, utilities, car, gas, insurance, and so on. Then talk to your children about
the importance of being frugal with money. (See 2 Nephi 9:51.) Talk about ways you can save as a family or take on a family project to earn additional money. Explain
to your family how important it is to budget and live within your means. This means that sometimes they will have to save up for the things they really want.

Scripture: 3 Nephi 24:8.

Our children's eyes grew big in unbelief as we talked about our monthly expenditures. My son asked, "Who has to pay all of that money?" Our children did not
understand we had to pay for the water we use each day. This was an important lesson for our children. My older two children have made special efforts to turn the
lights off when they leave the room.

Family Teaching Activity 27: Penny Luck

Materials needed: Forty or more pennies.

"Find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck." Take the pennies and hide them around the room. Then have your children go on a penny hunt. After
the hunt is over, have each child count his or pennies. Explain that pennies can add up. Have your children think of something they could buy with the pennies they
found. Talk about how important it is to use money wisely. Talk about different ways some people waste money. Ask, "When you see a penny on the ground, what do
you do?" Talk about the importance of saving and valuing money.

Scripture: Luke 18:25.

This activity was a complete success. Our children loved searching for the pennies and helped each other find them. I made sure to hide some low enough where my
two-year-old could reach. It was raining money as my toddler threw his money in the air and then quickly began the fun again of finding the money.

Never-Ending Happiness
Smell the Roses Even Though They Have Thorns

"To have it all, don't do it all." -Anne Weisberg

D uring my first childhood, my brother, just older than I, would get in trouble with upper management (the parent on duty) because I would tattle on him. Then I would
smirk at him from the safety of the side of the parent. My brother would point out that I was smirking, and I would get a serious reminder from the presiding grown-up
not to smirk. Now that I'm a mother, my husband has occasionally chided me for smirking when he was reprimanding the children. "Your whole life you have smirked,"
he says, "and you will never stop." And you know, he is exactly right. I never want to take life too seriously. Of course, life never wants to take me too seriously either.
With young children in the home, there are hilarious smirk-worthy scenarios daily. Sometimes a few weeks must pass before we see the humor, but it is always there.
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Six O'Clock Blues
smirk at him from the safety of the side of the parent. My brother would point out that I was smirking, and I would get a serious reminder from the presiding grown-up
not to smirk. Now that I'm a mother, my husband has occasionally chided me for smirking when he was reprimanding the children. "Your whole life you have smirked,"
he says, "and you will never stop." And you know, he is exactly right. I never want to take life too seriously. Of course, life never wants to take me too seriously either.
With young children in the home, there are hilarious smirk-worthy scenarios daily. Sometimes a few weeks must pass before we see the humor, but it is always there.

Six O'Clock Blues

For some reason, our children have been misprogrammed to think that being grouchy at 6:00 p.m., right when dad comes home, is part of our routine. I have
unscientifically decided they have low blood sugar and are famished and tired. So, to battle the six o'clock blues, I give them a snack, something chock full of sugar,
and encourage them to play outside before dinner. I want things to be nice and peaceful when my husband gets home, and taking my children to a sitter at 5:50 is not a
prudent use of funds. One night at the dinner table three of the four kids were crying or throwing delirious tantrums, and half of upper management was on the verge of
a tantrum. (I won't say which half.) My two-year-old had one of those long-winded cries-the kind with a long pause in between that makes everyone gasp when the kid
comes up for air. And when that second cry comes, it is a doozy. At that point, I had two choices: blow my top (not a pretty sight) or laugh so hard my sides hurt (not
a pretty sight either, but better than the alternative). I chose to laugh. The situation was actually comical. I decided I should lead the cries like a music conductor. What
else could I do?

When the kids are grouchy, get them some food.

Finding Humor in Mothering

I encourage all mothers to find the humor in their situations. When my son was three, we went to stake conference at the Provo Tabernacle. We had brought many toys
to occupy him for the two-hour meeting. He was playing with a five-inch-square sample of a gel mattress that we had picked up from the Parade of Homes the
previous day. We were sitting on the balcony on the front row, and, of course, the sample slipped through his fingers and dropped near some unsuspecting person
below. My husband was upset, and I began to laugh. I looked over the rail and gave an "I'm sorry" wave to the victim. Of course, we were partially to blame. Why
would we sit on the front row? Temporary insanity, no doubt. The temptation of playing with toys on the railing was just too much for a three-year-old. After the
meeting, the victim found us and returned the toy. I apologized, but she started to laugh, saying how it had really surprised her but did not actually hit her. Later that
week, I saw a friend who had witnessed the entire event. She commented, "I saw your husband so upset and you cracking up. Then your husband saw the humor in it
too." Humor can help lighten many situations. Laugh and take a picture if you have a camera ready. Can you imagine how many great snapshots you will have to show
future girlfriends or boyfriends?

One evening during family prayer, we were especially happy, and my kids started giggling during the prayer. At first they tried to hold it in, but then they burst. I took
the opportunity to thank Heavenly Father for the happiness he gives us and the courage to express it at the appropriate times. When my toddler spilled about five
hundred ice cubes on the floor by knocking over a cooler, I just had to laugh. What a sight! We then had a race to see who could pick up the most. Make life fun for
you and your children.

Laugh a lot.

Slowing Down to Enjoy Your Journey

Smell the roses, even though they have thorns, and be sure to count your blessings. Many times I find myself bustling about, hurrying to get things done. Slow down.
When I slow down, I notice the breeze in the trees, freshly budded flowers, and the clear blue sky. I have so much to be thankful for, yet I fail to notice many things
when I am in a hurry. I have a busy life, full of different activities. I'm haunted by the scripture "Do not run faster . . . than you have strength." (D&C 10:4.) Still, I would
not have my life any other way but busy and bustling. I like to be busy, but I have found I do not have to do everything. I think about the Savior's ministry. He had a lot
to accomplish, but I never picture him running around trying to do everything. His example was austere and peaceful, and he took time to ponder and pray. Let's enjoy
our journey.

Take time to smell the roses.

Saying Yes to Others Means Saying No to Your Children

My dad asked me to sit down in front of a large mirror and practice saying "No, no, no." Coincidentally, "No, no, no" was one of my two-year-old's first phrases. I
presume I should be able to say those words and mean it if even my two-year-old can. Sometimes I have a hard time telling people the wonderful word no. Once
someone asked me to do an assignment, and my time was already pinched. The last-minute project affected the way I was treating my family. I was rushed, hurried,
and stressed because I had said yes to a task when I should have said no. I thought, is this affecting my attitude toward my family? Because I said yes to something that
did not really matter to me and therefore said no to our children, the most precious people in my life." I now practice saying, "I would love to, but I can't." Then I'll be
prepared if I feel that a task would add too much to my list. I want to say yes to our children as much as possible, and sometimes that means saying no to other people.

Sometimes say no to others just so you can enjoy your children. Your children are begging for your attention, thinking, "Choose me, choose me."

Take Time to Create a Memory

Once during a storm, I sat outside in the rain and smelled the air. Fresh rain is one of my favorite smells, because it reminds me of my childhood. I grew up in Las
Vegas, Nevada, where there are flash floods every summer, so rainy weather is my favorite. In Las Vegas, the rain is warm, and you can play and run in it. The streets
sometimes overflow with water, practically engulfing the vehicles. Some streets are like rivers and can not even be driven on. My friends and I used to stand back on
the corner of an open street and encourage cars to drive through the puddles fast enough to splash us. One UPS driver thought this was so much fun that he turned
around and did it a second time. This is a great memory for me. I am thankful that I have time to enjoy myself and recall treasured memories by slowing down.

Create memories for yourself and your children. Snap a picture, write in a journal, or make a note of a special memory.

Summary

We should stop and smell the roses and encourage our children to do the same. That's how we create memories. Once on a difficult day, I was lamenting to my mom
about how disappointed I was in myself because I do not take all four of our children to the water park or to fancy shows. It is really difficult for me to go out alone
with all of our children. Every time I try, I come home frustrated and bewildered at my own optimism. Because of that, I started comparing myself to other mothers. My
mom reminded me that more important than what we do is how we show love to our children. There are many things we can do from home. For example, our children
made a lemonade stand. The problem was that we live in a cul-de-sac, so traffic was slow. We ran through our octopus sprinkler to pass the time while waiting for
customers. The kids were giggling and having the best time, even though I turned out to be the only person who purchased a sticky cup of lemonade. Children enjoy the
little things.(c)
 Copyright     Have you ever noticed
                  2005-2009, InfobasethatMedia
                                          whenCorp.
                                                 toddlers get a toy, they are sometimes happier with the box than the toy? We do not have to be extravagant
                                                                                                                                                          Pageto enjoy
                                                                                                                                                                  28 /life.
                                                                                                                                                                        88
Find humor in raising children. Learn to say no to tasks that are unimportant to you. Slow down your pace and enjoy every day of raising your children. Mothers who
have finished raising their children tell me, "Enjoy motherhood now; childhood goes by so quickly." When I reflect back on these years, I want to be able to say, "Yes, I
with all of our children. Every time I try, I come home frustrated and bewildered at my own optimism. Because of that, I started comparing myself to other mothers. My
mom reminded me that more important than what we do is how we show love to our children. There are many things we can do from home. For example, our children
made a lemonade stand. The problem was that we live in a cul-de-sac, so traffic was slow. We ran through our octopus sprinkler to pass the time while waiting for
customers. The kids were giggling and having the best time, even though I turned out to be the only person who purchased a sticky cup of lemonade. Children enjoy the
little things. Have you ever noticed that when toddlers get a toy, they are sometimes happier with the box than the toy? We do not have to be extravagant to enjoy life.

Find humor in raising children. Learn to say no to tasks that are unimportant to you. Slow down your pace and enjoy every day of raising your children. Mothers who
have finished raising their children tell me, "Enjoy motherhood now; childhood goes by so quickly." When I reflect back on these years, I want to be able to say, "Yes, I
did enjoy my time with my young children because I stopped to smell the thorny roses."

Making It Work

Slow down. If you find that you are often in a hurry or stressed, slow down and enjoy the journey. Take time to look at the flowers and to celebrate when your child
gives you a dandelion. Enjoy every day of your life as it comes.

Be happy today. Do not put contingencies on your happiness. Do not say, "I'll be happy when . . ." What if "when" never comes? Let's be happy now. I have found
that sometimes when my contingencies do come, I am not as happy as I thought I would be.

Find humor in all things. Enjoy yourself. Do not get upset over every little spill. When your kids spill something, let them know they can just clean it up and everything
will be okay. My son spilled juice on the floor. He commented, "Mom, now you say, 'It's okay, just clean it up.'" Laugh. Love life. When those crazy moments come,
smile.

Family Teaching Activity 28: The Optimistic Toad

Read the following poem.

The Optimistic Toad

Two toads fell into some cream in a pot.

One was positive; one was not.

The angry toad said in despair,

"We never will get out of here!"

The angry toad began to wince.

"Why doesn't this poem make me a prince?"

He griped and murmured, full of gloom.

He thought that pot would be his doom.

With that, the toad decided to die.

He gave up swimming and said good-bye.

The optimist gave himself a test:

"I can't get out, but I'll try my best!

"I'll keep on swimming." And then he sighed.

"At least I'll die with the thought, 'I tried.'"

He swam with courage, as though on a team.

Before he knew it, he'd churned the cream.

On top of the butter, he jumped out to say,

"I'm free 'cause I thought in the positive way!"

What is the point of this cute little story?

If you can't hop out, keep swimming in glory.

-Tamara Fackrell

After reading the poem, retell the story in your own words: "Two toads fell into a pot of cream. One murmured and complained and decided he would not try at all, so
he died. The second toad swam as hard and as long as he could, and miraculously the cream turned into butter. We can choose whether we will complain or be
happy." Discuss the difference between complaining and being happy. Give an example of when you chose to be happy even though you could have complained. What
can you do to be more positive about life? What are some goals you can set for your family?

Scripture: Psalms 30:5.

Our children(c)understood
 Copyright      2005-2009,theInfobase
                              story, butMedia
                                        they did not quite understand the concept of optimism. My son was fascinated at how butter was made. WhenPage
                                              Corp.                                                                                              I told this
                                                                                                                                                         29same
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poem to my ten-year-old niece, she said, "We always need to look on the bright side and find good in the bad."

Family Teaching Activity 29: Nature Walk
can you do to be more positive about life? What are some goals you can set for your family?

Scripture: Psalms 30:5.

Our children understood the story, but they did not quite understand the concept of optimism. My son was fascinated at how butter was made. When I told this same
poem to my ten-year-old niece, she said, "We always need to look on the bright side and find good in the bad."

Family Teaching Activity 29: Nature Walk

Take your family on a nature walk around the block. Have each person find ten things they had not noticed before. Then have them find ten things they are thankful for
in your neighborhood. Talk about the wonderful creations Heavenly Father has made. Talk about how important it is to be grateful for the little things in our lives.

Scripture: Job 12:9-10.

Our family lives by some rolling, scenic hills, which we decided to explore. We took a nature hike up to some rocks and snapped a picture of my son walking on the
clouds. We talked about Heavenly Father's beautiful creations, and each of us listed ten things we loved about our view from the hills. Even though my toddler hiked
most of the way on his father's shoulders, the hike was enjoyable-at least for our toddler.

Family Teaching Activity 30: A Star Is Born!

Materials needed: Video camera, videotape, costumes, and popcorn.

Make a movie with a home video camera. Have the kids put on a show and be big stars. Then watch the movie and eat popcorn together.

Scripture: Proverbs 16:20.

Our video camera is broken (can you guess how it got broken?), so our children acted out a play. My daughter was the princess, Cinderella, and my son was the frog.
My two-year-old was a UFO (Unidentifiable Fanatical Object). On another occasion during the Christmas season, my brother videotaped the children performing the
Christmas story complete with Mary, Joseph, the wise men, the angels, and the shepherds. The children love to see themselves on film. The best movies to watch are
the ones your children star in.

Making Your Choices Assessable

"Happiness is a choice." -Barry Kaufman

I am a happy, positive person-at least that is what I keep telling myself. In fact, my nickname is "Smiley." So when I went through a time of hardship and felt
overwhelmed after having a baby, I did not quite know how to handle it. When my husband asked, "How can I make you happy?" I was struck with the thought that
nothing would make me happy. That lightning bolt struck deep into my soul, and I knew I needed to be happy even though I was experiencing stormy weather.
Somehow I could not pin down one particular cause of my gloom. When one part of life is amiss, the rest seems to suffer as well. I was like an overwhelmed circus
juggler trying to find equilibrium for all my roles. At the same time, I felt lonely even though I had family and friends I could call if I dropped the ball. I finally realized that
happiness was out of reach because "the list" was always too long to finish. Whose list is not? Regardless of my husband's attempts to show me the bright side, my
dismal perception of life was controlling my gloom. The gloom was controlling me, and I was trying to control my life. Hence, the vicious cycle was stirring my life into
an interesting witch's brew.

Perception Is Everything

I have contemplated this realization a lot since then. What will make me happy? The list is endless: a baby's first smile, a kiss from my daughter, my son excitedly telling
me we should play in the rain. Of course, that does not mean every day is easy and merry, but I always try to look for the things that bring happiness. The second
important lesson I learned is that my own perception is the key. As the screams of terror and exhilaration on a roller coaster show, the only difference between fear and
excitement is our perception. Our physiological responses are essentially identical for these two emotions.

We are here to have joy. Motherhood should be joyous, yet we will have hard days, even hard weeks or months. Before I got married, I had the idea that being
married and raising children would be eternal bliss, like a fairy tale. It has been exciting, but the "happily ever after" part is a different kind of happiness than I imagined.
I did not foresee all the sleepless nights with newborns, dirty dishes and diapers, and being home alone with the troops because my husband is working or out doing his
Church calling. The other morning I woke up to six people in my bed: my husband, all four of our children, and me. With six people, there was not even room to
breathe or turn, so I got out of the cocoon to hibernate for a few hours in one of the children's beds. Unfortunately, my sleepy eyes could not battle my active brain,
which would not shut off. Since then, I have learned to imagine a melting ice cube to help me shut down and sleep at night. Motherhood is hard work, and it is natural
to feel stressed about things, but it is possible to choose happiness over grouchiness, even when grumpiness could easily be justified. This makes my life and my
children's lives brighter.

No one can force you to like motherhood. That choice is strictly your own.

Make Realistic Expectations

Having unrealistic expectations almost always brings discouragement. Elder Russell M. Nelson was blessed with ten children. Twelve years of grueling specialty training
passed from the time he graduated from medical school until he started his private practice. When Sister Nelson was asked how she handled her husband being away
in residency, internship, and his Church callings she replied, "When I married him, I did not expect much, so I was never disappointed." What awe-inspiring advice for
us to deal with our husbands and our children. The more realistic our expectations for our family are, the easier they will be attained and exceeded.

On one hectic day I found myself out of the home near dinnertime. I e-mailed my husband, and he assured me that he would take care of dinner. I was so happy and
thought about what a wonderful husband I was blessed with. When I came home, much to my disappointment, my husband had fumbled the ball by walking in the door
only minutes before me (he'd had a busy day at the office). I purposely dawdled for ten minutes, expecting he would start dinner. He never did make the effort, so
reluctantly I recovered the fumble by fixing our meal, feeling disappointed and downhearted. Later that evening, I told him I was upset because I thought he was going
to make dinner. He explained that he'd had a crazy day at the office. Once he came home and saw I was there to make dinner, he assumed he was off the hook. I
reflected that maybe I caused my own disappointment because I did not communicate with him about dinner when I got home. I just hinted instead, and he did not take
the hint! The next evening he exceeded my expectations, because I expected nothing. He made a wonderful dinner for our family.

IfCopyright (c)the
   you expect    2005-2009,
                   world and Infobase   Media
                             the stars too, youCorp.
                                               will be disappointed. Let's expect more than the world. Let's expect celestial glory. Although the goal isPage     30steps
                                                                                                                                                          great, the / 88
to heaven are small and deliberate.
to make dinner. He explained that he'd had a crazy day at the office. Once he came home and saw I was there to make dinner, he assumed he was off the hook. I
reflected that maybe I caused my own disappointment because I did not communicate with him about dinner when I got home. I just hinted instead, and he did not take
the hint! The next evening he exceeded my expectations, because I expected nothing. He made a wonderful dinner for our family.

If you expect the world and the stars too, you will be disappointed. Let's expect more than the world. Let's expect celestial glory. Although the goal is great, the steps
to heaven are small and deliberate.

Mini-Happiness Goals

Setting "mini-happiness" goals is one way to cut through the blues. Make reasonable goals and then rejoice when they are finished. If you really feel down, you might
ask for a priesthood blessing. Also, when the down days come, I try to measure if I am spiritually in tune with the Lord. Am I doing the Sunday School checklist,
including praying, reading scriptures, and pondering? When in doubt, give service to another person. For example, on one crazy day I decided I was going to forget
about my worries and think about someone else. I called a friend who needed help and did some things for her. When I got home I felt so good, and I realized that my
own problems were really insignificant. Whenever I have a hard day, I try to always look for an opportunity to serve another person, even with just a small act of
kindness. Also, reading a book can help buoy my spirits.

Some mothers say they do not feel right doing fun things with their children such as playing on the swing set or jumping on the trampoline because of all the other things
they should be doing. But really, what's more important? Wouldn't it be better to avoid being bogged down by matters that are inconsequential?

You might consider organizing a biweekly mothers' support group along with a playgroup for the children. Having a support group will help you know you are not
alone, and it can also build great friendships for you and your children.

Motherhood is not a spectator sport. Instead of watching your children play, play with your children.

I Am a Mother and I Choose to be Happy

Happiness truly is a choice. The worst feeling is when you want to be happy but are grouchy instead. When this happens, I identify what is causing my grouchiness and
do something about it. One of the first thoughts that enters my mind when I am grouchy is my sister's Oscar the Grouch alarm clock. It repeats, "Wake up. It's time for
a grouchy, grouchy day." Oscar the Grouch always helps turn up the edges of my mouth.

I have a garden but not a green thumb, so my garden is often infested with weeds. Despite their pleas for mercy, I pull them up. They come out easily because their
roots are not deep. Sometimes our problems are like weeds. They spring up quickly and seem overbearing but can be dealt with rather quickly. Do not let your
problems grow so big they overpower you with deep roots and discouragement. We all have problems; the test is how we deal with them.

At our first apartment, there was a Chinese elm tree. The tree spread seeds all over the yard and made repugnant sprouts, which grew tall and overpowering. I never
paid attention to the sprouts when they were little. Then one day I noticed one of the sprouts was twisted into our fence. It continued to grow, and by the time we had it
removed, it was seven feet tall. We could have saved ourselves a lot of work if we had removed the sprout when it first started growing. Like the Chinese elm, our
problems often have small beginnings, and we may not even notice them. After time passes, we may have serious problems without even understanding where they
came from. Take time to notice the little things and fix problems when they first begin. Do not let a problem grow seven feet tall before you do something about it.

Deal with problems when they first sprout, and let your happiness blossom instead of the thistles.

Summary

Do not make your goals unreasonable. A friend who had just had a baby wanted to wear her skinny jeans when the baby was only six weeks old. We all wish we
could do that but, unfortunately, even though you may be able to fit into your slim jeans after the first two children, the more you have the harder it is to slim down
immediately. Do not make goals that will set you up for failure. Remember that you are not alone and that other people feel the same way you do.

We need to be happy now, because time goes by so quickly. My oldest son has twelve more years until he goes on his mission. That may seem like a lot, but it will be
gone before we even know it. Since that is true, I try to enjoy his company now, and I do the same thing with all my children. Every day there is something to be happy
about. Keep your happiness within reach.

Making It Work

Recognize problems in their early stages. Do not wait until your problems are big before you deal with them. The scriptures repeatedly remind us to work out problems
we are having. Build a relationship with Heavenly Father and let him help you through your problems. Be sure to make your spouse a friend and confidant with whom
you can share your feelings. Another thing that works for me is to make a list of the things, big and small, I need to accomplish. I start with the small items and get as
many of them done as possible. Then I feel some satisfaction about making progress.

Share with your children what makes you happy. I was making dinner and my son commented on how "cool" it was when I cubed the meat. I complimented him on his
astuteness. He then made an effort to find other things that he thought I did well. At dinner that night, Connor told my husband how he had made me happy. I was glad
he understood my happiness, and talking with him about my happiness encouraged him to find more ways to make me happy. Let your children know what makes you
happy.

Be happy with the weeds! My son and daughter pick me handfuls of dandelions. They truly are my favorite flower. I heard a friend tell her daughter not to pick the
dandelions because they would spread the weeds on her yard. I secretly hope our children do not find out dandelions are weeds. (My younger sister did not discover
they were weeds until she was twenty!) I do not want them to ever stop picking them for me. Be happy with what your children can give you.

Family Teaching Activity 31: Kodak Moments

Materials needed: Camera and film.

Load your camera with film. Talk to your children about activities that describe a typical day at your home. Then, with the camera, take pictures of family members
doing these activities. Help the children really get involved in this project, finding happiness in the little things of the day. Let them take a few snapshots if they are old
enough. Talk about the happiness that comes from their daily routine. Talk about the benefits of documenting their daily routine to show their own children. For another
activity, you can scrapbook the pictures or display them on a poster.

Scripture:
 CopyrightAlma  37:37.
           (c) 2005-2009, Infobase Media Corp.                                                                                                              Page 31 / 88
Our photo shoot began with my two-year-old modeling with the garden hose and drenching several victims, his siblings. I have decided because of his love for
watering, he will be a landscaper when he grows up-or a doorman, because he loves to open and close doors. My daughter posed for a picture by jumping on the
doing these activities. Help the children really get involved in this project, finding happiness in the little things of the day. Let them take a few snapshots if they are old
enough. Talk about the happiness that comes from their daily routine. Talk about the benefits of documenting their daily routine to show their own children. For another
activity, you can scrapbook the pictures or display them on a poster.

Scripture: Alma 37:37.

Our photo shoot began with my two-year-old modeling with the garden hose and drenching several victims, his siblings. I have decided because of his love for
watering, he will be a landscaper when he grows up-or a doorman, because he loves to open and close doors. My daughter posed for a picture by jumping on the
trampoline along with my jubilant six-year-old. Of course, the baby gets the spectator's award. As his picture was snapped, he serenely watched his bustling brothers
and sister. I have not yet developed the pictures, but it is on my list of things to do the next time I visit my parents or have some extra money in the budget.

Family Teaching Activity 32: The Midas Touch

Tell the following story:

King Midas was a powerful king. He had many riches, but he was not happy. An enchantress came to him and asked him what he desired. He thought if he could have
more gold he would be truly happy. The enchantress told him that everything he touched would turn to gold. He was excited, and the next morning he went around
touching everything in sight. He even found it difficult to eat because his food would turn to gold. His daughter was playing in her rose garden. He thought he knew how
to make her truly happy, so he made all of her roses gold. His daughter came in crying and explained that her beautiful roses had turned to gold. She was upset because
they had lost their natural beauty and fragrance. Her father tried to comfort her, and as he touched her, she turned to gold. He began to weep over the loss of his
beloved child. He realized he already had the thing that gave him real happiness: his family. The enchantress appeared, and he begged her to give him back what he had
lost. She told him to put water on everything and the items would change back. When his daughter was back, he embraced her and knew he was truly happy. He now
realized he already had the things that made him the happiest, but he did not recognize his treasure until his daughter was almost taken away from him.

What makes you happy? Why do you sometimes appreciate things only when they are gone? What steps can you take to find happiness?

Scripture: D&C 84:116.

Our children love this story. They certainly did not want to turn into gold. My son said, "He really just loved his family." If we could all remember to just love our
families, we would be a better nation.

Family Teaching Activity 33: I Love You

Read the following poem:

"I love you, Mom," said Mary Jane,

Then said good-bye and strolled down the lane.

She came home late and watched TV.

When little John smiled, she said, "Don't bother me."

"I love you, Mother," said Sally Sue

"I've got to go-got lots to do:

"I'll check e-mail on the Internet,

"Then put my hair in a curler set."

"I love you, Mom," said little John.

He called his friends, and he was gone.

He came back home and played some games,

Then wanted to play with his friend James.

"I love you much," said Billy Joe.

"What do you need, and where shall I go?"

He swept the floor and did his tasks,

Then cleaned his room when he wasn't asked.

All of her children Mom adores,

But here's the question I implore:

Which of the kids loved Mom the best?

Now put your love to this same test.

-Tamara Fackrell

As my mother
Copyright (c) says, "Work isInfobase
              2005-2009,      love made visible."
                                     Media   Corp.Talk about how love is shown in your family. Have the family sit in a circle and take turns sharing acts of kindness
                                                                                                                                                        Page           that
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make you happy and show love. Then have each person share an experience about another person in the family who has brought them happiness.

Scripture: D&C 101:36.
Now put your love to this same test.

-Tamara Fackrell

As my mother says, "Work is love made visible." Talk about how love is shown in your family. Have the family sit in a circle and take turns sharing acts of kindness that
make you happy and show love. Then have each person share an experience about another person in the family who has brought them happiness.

Scripture: D&C 101:36.

Our children recognized that Billy showed his love the best. They all had such great answers, yet sometimes I see them being like the other children. The essence of the
message was that we show our love through our actions and not just through our words.

Finding the Easy Way

"The goal of much that is written about in life management is to enable us to do more in less time. But is this necessarily a desirable goal? Perhaps we need to get less
done, but the right things." -Jean Fleming

O ne night our family was having our favorite meal, homemade burritos, which are a tradition from my husband's side of the family. I put about seven tortillas in the
microwave to be heated, and my husband said, "I didn't know you could put more than three tortillas in at a time. When I was growing up, three was all we could heat
up." He had continued this tradition, always limiting himself to three tortillas in the microwave. Why?

My mom's friend cuts watermelon rinds into tiny pieces and puts them down the garbage disposal. My mom asked her why she doesn't just put them in the trashcan.
Her friend told her she had never thought of doing that. Why?

There is an old story about a woman who always cut the edges off her ham. When her husband asked why, she said she cut off the edges because her mother had cut
off the edges. When the perplexed husband asked his mother-in-law, her reply was identical to that of his wife's. Determined, he went to the source, asking Grandma
why she cut the edges off the ham. Her simple answer: Back in her day, the ovens and pans were smaller, and she cut the edges off so the ham would fit. Two
generations had continued this tradition, wasting ham without knowing the reason for their actions. Why?

The point of these stories is to illustrate that sometimes we do things the hard way. We do not even have an explanation for our actions, but as a result, our children
learn these habits. We, as mothers, need to be diligent about making our lives easier.

Don't Let the Phone Rule Your Life

Have you ever sat down to dinner only to hear the phone ring? I have, and I have decided not to let the telephone control my life. Many times when I am playing with
kids or reading them a story, the phone will begin to ring. Our phone rings only a few times before it goes to voice mail. I used to frantically run around to find the
cordless phone (which is always in the most unusual places) before it stopped ringing. When I say a breathless hello, I hear the clamor of many people talking in the
background. You guessed it-telemarketers. Then I ask that important question: Why? I decided the phone is not going to interrupt my life. I can choose whether I am
going to answer it. Now I do not worry about the phone so much. If I am available and feel like talking, I will answer; if not, I let the voice mail take a message. I gave
family members a code: If they really need to reach me, they let the phone ring once. Then they wait a few seconds and call again. I usually make an effort to answer
those calls (but now I will have to change the code).

A phone is one way we let others into our home. Put up the "Do Not Disturb" sign and keep on playing with the kids.

Too Tired? Then Don't Look

Have you ever caught your kids doing something naughty but just did not have the energy or willpower to discipline them? I have, several times. For example, our
children think their bed is a trampoline. They are constantly jumping on it, despite my efforts to thwart them by singing "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed." Even
with the door closed, I can tell by the noise what my three little monkeys are doing. But sometimes I just do not have the energy to discipline them. If our children knew
they were jumping with "silent permission," however, they might use that to persuade me to let them jump on the bed in the future. So what do I do? I use the "don't
look" method; I turn my head and pretend not to see or hear them at all. If you do not catch your children doing something wrong, you do not have to respond. Of
course, major violations, particularly dangerous ones, should not be ignored, but with minor infractions, it is sometimes easier to ignore than to discipline. The "don't
look" method has helped me stay sane on the crazy days in my household.

Catch your children doing something right instead of something wrong.

Let the Joneses Keep Up with Themselves

When my grandma was a young mother, the neighborhood women had an unspoken competition. The housewife who put her clothes on the line the earliest in the
morning and had the whitest clothes was the winner. My grandma used to get up early to try to beat the others. There were rumors that some women even kept
bleached-white clothes that were never worn and put them out on the line just to win the competition. Why? Today, too, we sometimes do things to "keep up with the
Joneses." It may be buying your son a collection of expensive baseball cards or getting your daughter a Barbie Jeep. Other competitions may center around cleaning
your home.

Do not compare yourself or your children to others. I have learned with my four children that I cannot compare myself to my neighbor who has two. When I had my
first baby, I read everything I could get my hands on to compare his development with that of others. But children must learn things at their own pace. Potty training,
sleeping through the night, walking, and learning to read are all things that each child will learn in his or her own time. I pushed my oldest son to potty train because
other little friends his age were also getting potty trained. Then, with my daughter, I waited until she was ready. The difference was amazing. Do not compare your
children to others; we are in different situations and are different people. Give your children room to be unique and time to do things when they are ready.

Let the Joneses do their own thing and be happy your house is different.

Start at Level 1 Instead of Level 3

My aunt has a friend who spilled flour all over the floor. The friend decided the best thing to do would be to mop it up. But the water from the mop made a sticky mess.
The friend did not even think of sweeping the flour up with the broom. Similarly, sometimes in our parenting we make unnecessary messes. For example, a little boy
was vexing his mother by touching some important papers. The mother turned and began to yell at him. This mother could have started at the lowest level by first asking
 Copyright
him          (c) 2005-2009,
     not to touch the papers.Infobase  Media
                              The second  step Corp.
                                               could have been to move the papers out of his reach so the temptation was not there. She could also have     Page     33 / to
                                                                                                                                                               explained   88
her children why the action is inappropriate. Starting at the lowest level can give children time to fix the problem. When we yell immediately, it is like trying to mop up
flour.
My aunt has a friend who spilled flour all over the floor. The friend decided the best thing to do would be to mop it up. But the water from the mop made a sticky mess.
The friend did not even think of sweeping the flour up with the broom. Similarly, sometimes in our parenting we make unnecessary messes. For example, a little boy
was vexing his mother by touching some important papers. The mother turned and began to yell at him. This mother could have started at the lowest level by first asking
him not to touch the papers. The second step could have been to move the papers out of his reach so the temptation was not there. She could also have explained to
her children why the action is inappropriate. Starting at the lowest level can give children time to fix the problem. When we yell immediately, it is like trying to mop up
flour.

When your children get in trouble more than usual, is it because they are acting worse or you are acting worse? Do not make your children pay the price for your
grumpiness.

Ask "Why?" to Discover New Solutions

Many times a child will ask for things that aren't available, but other things may fulfill the child's needs. For example, one day my friend's little girl continually asked for
cookies, but the cookies had already been devoured by quicker cookie monsters. After the little girl made several requests, my friend became irritated and
reprimanded the girl for her doggedness, when she knew the cookies were gone. Of course, the little girl then burst into tears. I then asked the little girl why she wanted
the cookies and if there was something else that would satisfy her. I discovered she really just wanted something sweet, not necessarily cookies. I ran into the house
and got some candy for her, and the cookie problem went away. Sometimes other items will satisfy children's needs, but they do not know all their options. Finding out
what they really want (such as something sweet) can help solve many problems.

My toddler son always seems to reject new options when he is upset. Later, after he has calmed down, he will accept other solutions. Give children time to make
decisions when they are not upset.

Explore new options by asking your children if there is anything else that might satisfy them.

Apples and Bananas

When you eat a banana, you can often tell whether it will taste good or bad depending on its color. An apple is more of a risk, since it can look shiny and luscious but
taste terrible. My mom says we often think of children as apples that need to be fresh and shiny regardless of what they are like inside. Apple expectations make
parents upset when children go through different stages. Regardless of how children feel, we expect them to act properly and look good for others. But children are
more like bananas. At first they are green, unripe, and need a lot of care and guidance. Then they go through a stage where they are yellow, gaining independence.
Finally they turn brown, and it's time for them to go out on their own. The "easy way" allows children to go through stages, knowing they will change.

Expect your children to have some growing pains. It's normal.

Role Reversal

Another accommodating tip that works for me is to use role reversals so my children can understand their actions. My daughter went through a stage where she said "I
don't like you" every time she got into trouble. This began to hurt my feelings, which is silly, but I still wanted her to stop saying those insolent words. I sat down with
her and asked how she would feel if I said I didn't like her. I explained that her words hurt my feelings. She felt so bad that she began to cry. She better understood her
behavior after putting herself in my position.

We use such "role reversals" in many ways in our home. My daughter and son love to be the parents and have the parents act like the children. My kids ask to play this
game over and over.

Using role reversal is a great way to help you and your children understand each other.

"Remind Me Later"

Our children often ask if I will do things for them at a later time. For example, my daughter wanted to play babies, but it was time for bed. She asked if we could play in
the morning, and I told her that would be wonderful. Later the next day, she realized that we had never played babies. I had forgotten and so had she. She was
disappointed, and I felt terrible. Because of this and similar situations, I decided to use the "remind me later" method. If the children want me to do something at a later
time, I always put the responsibility back on their shoulders to remind me. Our children are now quick to blurt out, "Mom, I will remind you later so you don't forget."

Put the responsibility of reminding on your children's shoulders.

Summary

There are many things you can do to make life easier. Do not do things the hard way. Look for ways to simplify. Identify your children's needs and try to find many
ways to satisfy them. Start at the lowest level of correction when your children need guidance. Expect your children to have some bad days, use role reversal, and use
the "remind me later" method.

Making It Work

When do you answer the telephone? Do you answer the telephone no matter what the cost to your family? Does the phone control your life and intrude on important
family time? Think about times when it may be appropriate just to let the phone ring.

Do I mop up the flour? Evaluate times you have mopped the flour. Do you start at the lowest level by first asking sweetly for the children to stop and explain their
actions are inappropriate? Start at the lowest level so your children have time to obey.

Use the "Remind me later" method. Encourage your children to remember things that are important to them. When they need something done at a later time, give them
the responsibility to remind you.

Family Teaching Activity 34: Role Reversal

Tell your children you are going to switch places and that their imagination is in charge! The children will be the parents and the parents will be the children. Have them
make up names for the whole family. Have them decide the following questions: Where do you live? What kind of car do you have? How many children are in the
family?  Have
 Copyright   (c)each child create
                 2005-2009,       a scenario.
                              Infobase  Media Then   take one of the "personas" they have developed and recite his or her characteristics. Have the "parent"Page
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                                                                                                                                                                     "child"
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to go to bed, do chores, play at a friend's house, do homework, and other things you experience daily. Children can have so much fun with this activity. Then talk about
how it felt to be the parent and how it felt to be the child. Explain the importance of understanding one another.
Family Teaching Activity 34: Role Reversal

Tell your children you are going to switch places and that their imagination is in charge! The children will be the parents and the parents will be the children. Have them
make up names for the whole family. Have them decide the following questions: Where do you live? What kind of car do you have? How many children are in the
family? Have each child create a scenario. Then take one of the "personas" they have developed and recite his or her characteristics. Have the "parent" ask the "child"
to go to bed, do chores, play at a friend's house, do homework, and other things you experience daily. Children can have so much fun with this activity. Then talk about
how it felt to be the parent and how it felt to be the child. Explain the importance of understanding one another.

Scripture: Proverbs 22:6.

This activity was full of laughs and fun. My son was the dad, named Jordan, and my daughter was the mom, named Lisa. My daughter said she had to go do exercises,
and she went into the hallway and started doing some leg lifts. My husband went into his room and threw a tantrum. The kids thought this was very funny, and so did I.
We did our nighttime routine in role reversal, and it was so much fun. When we were ready for bed, my two-year-old started jumping on the bed. Lisa, the mother of
the household, reminded him not to jump on the bed. I told her that when she was little, she jumped on the bed. She assured me, "Honey, when I was little, I did not
jump on the bed." Since this activity, our children have asked many times to play again. Sometimes when we have an activity that the kids are resisting, we do it in role
reversal. This makes the activity a lot more fun.

Family Teaching Activity 35: Pioneer Fort

Materials needed: Sheets to make a fort.

Appreciating the pioneers can help give our own lives perspective and make our lives seem easier. Make a fort in the room where you will do the activity. I have made
forts by tying the sheets to different places in the room and then using push pins to pin the sheets to the ceiling. When the activity begins, bring everyone into the fort.
Start by telling them about the pioneers and how they were being persecuted in Nauvoo. Tell them they were told by Brigham Young to go west so they could freely
practice their religion. You may want to tell them your favorite pioneer story or a story about a pioneer ancestor. Explain that the pioneers had to sleep in tents or
covered wagons every night on the trail and sometimes it would get cold with snow and rain. Explain the great sacrifice the pioneers made for them. Ask your children
what they can do to thank the pioneers. (Live worthily and appreciate.) End by bearing your testimony.

Scripture: 2 Nephi 9:18.

A homemade tent really spruces up the night. We talked about my grandmother and her parents. We looked through my grandmother's biography. Our children were
surprised to find that one of my sons looks a lot like his grandpa namesake did at his age. We talked about how difficult it would have been to be a pioneer, and we
explained the blessings we have today.

Family Teaching Activity 36: Genealogy Tree

Materials needed: Pictures and frames.

Hearing stories, like the story about my grandma's race to get the wash on the line, helps us learn about our family and appreciate its changes and development as time
passes. Get pictures (photocopies will do) of each child in your family, you and your spouse, all the grandparents, and all the great-grandparents, if possible. Have a
family night where you assemble the pictures into frames and hang them on the wall, making a family tree. Share a story of each person whose picture you are hanging
on the wall.

Scripture: 1 Nephi 3:3.

This activity is in the making. I am gathering pictures from everyone so we can have pictures of our children's great-great grandparents.

Yes Terms and Thinking Positive

"Slow down awhile! Push aside the press of the immediate. Take time today, if only for a moment, to lovingly encourage each one in your family." -Gary Smalley and
John Trent

For the tenth time my daughter asked, "Mommy, can I play at Melanie or Jessica's house?" I had already answered nine times. "No, sweetie. Please stop asking me.
We have called, and they are not home." My daughter burst into tears! This could easily have been avoided if I had just used "yes terms." I could have responded,
"Yes, you can play with Jessica or Melanie as soon as they come home."

Yes Statements

Always say yes if you can! "Yes statements" come naturally to me, thanks to my own mother, who nearly always said yes. When I was growing up, we were trained to
understand that no really meant no, with no exceptions. Here's another example of using "yes terms." My son will ask, "Mommy, can I play computer games?" If he had
not done his chores, what would your answer would be? If you didn't want him to play, you'd have two choices: "No, you must first do your chores" or "Yes, as soon
as your chores are finished." Saying yes is a better way to go.

I love saying yes. In fact, if children ask me something to which a firm "no" is the only alternative, I will remind them, "It's not fair for you to ask for things you know I
must say no to." I encourage our children to be selective in the things they ask for, and I always say yes if I can. They shouldn't put me in a position where I have to tell
them no. (I got that from my mom too.) "Yes terms" are easy! You can still say no by saying yes.

Here are a few more examples:

Question: "Mommy, can we go to McDonald's?"

Reply: "Yes, as soon as we save enough money to go."

Question: "Mommy, can we have breakfast cereal even though we have no milk?"

Reply: "Yes, as soon as I go to the store to get some milk."

Copyright"Is
Question:  (c)it 2005-2009,   Infobase
                 my turn to say         Media Corp.
                                the prayer?"                                                                                                               Page 35 / 88

Reply: "Yes, tomorrow."
Question: "Mommy, can we have breakfast cereal even though we have no milk?"

Reply: "Yes, as soon as I go to the store to get some milk."

Question: "Is it my turn to say the prayer?"

Reply: "Yes, tomorrow."

I haven't found many situations where I cannot say no by using yes. I love to say yes, so I try to do so as much as possible.

I once got a glimpse of why this is so effective. I asked my three-year-old if she would take her younger brother downstairs to watch a movie. She replied, "Yes,
tomorrow." Strangely, I was satisfied with that answer. As I reflected upon it, I realized that I was satisfied because I knew it was still a possibility. All of my hopes for
her doing so were still there. The timing wasn't right now, but it might be, could be, would be in the future. I think using yes terms helps children feel that they are being
heard and understood without the finality and disappointment of "no."

Saying yes is half the fun of being a mom. Say yes as much as possible.

With Motherhood the Glass Is More Than Half Full

Scenario: You have had a mediocre day, filled with ups and downs. Your toddler got into your makeup and said his first word. Your three-year-old spilled red punch
all over the carpet and picked you a bouquet of dandelions. Your six-year-old nicked his finger with a knife when he tried to cut himself some cheese, and he also
scored a goal at his soccer game.

Which do you emphasize? The good or the bad? Motherhood's happiness is like the well-known glass, half empty or half full. When we choose to linger on the bad,
we are seeing the glass as half empty. When we emphasize the good, we are looking at the glass as half full.

I was shocked when I learned the statistic that children usually misbehave only 5 percent of the time. (Of course, this statistic must include the time spent sleeping!) Our
reaction as parents can make the misbehavior go down to 2 percent or up to 10 percent. Even though some days we feel that children's misbehavior is much higher, we
must realize that our perception is key. The glass of goodness is practically to the top! If we can react by talking about things instead of impulsively disciplining our
children, children's behavior will improve. That is enough of an incentive for me.

Find ways to turn negative experiences into positive ones. Snap a picture of your toddler with makeup all over his face. Show your daughter how to scrub the carpet.
Seize the opportunity to talk with your son about how dangerous it is to play with knives. The goal is to always look at the family glass as being at least half full, even on
really hard days! Remember to focus on the positive things your children have done and try to find something positive about the negative experiences.

Children are good 95 percent of the time. Focus on the 95 percent!

Never Give Away the Sunshine

Another thing I have implemented is the "bad day sunshine" routine. Have you ever had one of those rotten, no good, very bad days? It is only 10:00 a.m. and already
four catastrophes have occurred, accompanied by constant crying. Your motherly interpretation skills are failing and you cannot understand what your two-year-old is
saying. You have tried to satisfy him by having him point to what he wants, but he is just too discouraged and cranky to cooperate. Your four-year-old clandestinely
got out the crayons and practiced her modern-art abilities on your living-room wall. (The picture wasn't bad for modern art.) Your baby is cutting teeth and cannot be
pacified with a pacifier or anything else, and your oldest son missed the bus and you had to wake up all the little children to take him to school, which certainly did not
add any roses to your thorny day.

I try to turn those days around. I explain to the children, "Let's try to be really good the rest of the day, and we will go get a treat!" At that point, I go into my bedroom
and pray about finding positive things to accentuate for the children. Then my goal is to comment on the positive. We look forward to the treat all day, and I do not
threaten misbehavior with no treat because I have full plans to make the treat happen.

After naps and school, I give each child fifty cents to spend at the candy store. It is amazing how fifty cents is like Christmas for them. They are delighted. Another
option is to go on a field trip at the end of the day. We go to the park, McDonald's, or somewhere the children are free to act like children. One of our awful days
ended up being one of the best days we have had together. Our goal was to get a treat, and we went to the gas station down the street to satisfy our goal. The kids
were kind to one another for at least a few moments, and I felt so happy. When my husband came home from work, we all reported on how great our day was. I could
not believe that such a cloudy morning had turned out so sunny by evening.

I try never to just give away the sunshine. In other words, if we are going to do something fun, I use it as an opportunity to praise my children. "We are going to the
park because you have been so wonderful today." "You have been getting along for a whole hour, so let's celebrate!" I use their great behavior as a reason to do fun
things.

Use fun outings as an opportunity to praise your wonderful children. "We are going to the park because you are such great kids!" If you are going to go anyway, you
might as well make the best of it.

Mothers Set the Tone for the Home

Have you ever noticed that moms are not allowed to have a grouchy day? The clich goes, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It was Saturday, so the whole
family was home, and I was just plain grouchy. My grouchiness rubbed off on my husband, and I thought, "No fair! If you get grouchy, then I have to be happy." I
knew that the terrible mood in our home had to stop and that I was the person who set the tone. Mother's attitude usually permeates the home, whether it is happy or
grouchy, which places a big responsibility on the mother's shoulders. The burden can be lifted as a mother purposely focuses her thoughts on the positive. When I was
having my grouchy Saturday, I took note of my thoughts and noticed that most of them were negative. So, I began using my "self program," rehearsing in my mind
everything that was wonderful in my life. In my mind I said compliments to myself for things I was doing well, and I began to sing a nonsensical song about the happy
things in my life. Thinking a flow of continuous positive thoughts helped me leave my grouchiness behind.

Being happy as a mother affects more than just yourself. The attitude of everyone in the home depends, at least in part, on the mother's mood.

Summary

Thinking positively
 Copyright          and using
           (c) 2005-2009,      "yes" terms
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                                       Media   ways to help set a wonderful mood in your home. Try to emphasize the positive, use self-programming, and
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day sunshine" routine to lighten the mood and truly make yourself happy, which will result in your family being happier too.

Making It Work
Being happy as a mother affects more than just yourself. The attitude of everyone in the home depends, at least in part, on the mother's mood.

Summary

Thinking positively and using "yes" terms are ways to help set a wonderful mood in your home. Try to emphasize the positive, use self-programming, and use the "bad
day sunshine" routine to lighten the mood and truly make yourself happy, which will result in your family being happier too.

Making It Work

Focus on the positive. One hard day I was talking to my sister, and she said something so profound: "You are one of the most positive friends I have." Suddenly I had a
tinge of guilt and anguish. Here I was complaining, or murmuring, if you will. I had so many blessings, and I decided right then I would stop thinking about the negative
and focus on the positive. It's so refreshing to be around positive people, and I have a friend I like to call just because she is always so positive. Even when I ask her
how she is doing, her reply reflects her optimism. I want to be that type of friend for other people. Think of ways you can be more positive.

Be thankful for trials. I was talking to my niece on the phone, and she told me that just when one thing in her life was perking up, another part would crash and burn.
Have you ever noticed that the vicious pride cycle shown in the scriptures can also affect your life? Whenever things are going too well, do we forget the Lord? We
should be thankful for little struggles in our life because they help us stay on our knees a little longer, read our scriptures a little more, and be a little bit better. We
should not expect a great victory without a great battle first; as the saying goes, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Our trials mold us into more perfect
beings. They help us knock off the rugged edges and turn us into a smooth, polished rock.

Teach your children to be happy. Encourage your children to say positive things. Someone asked my son whose Christmas tree was prettier, his or his neighbor's. He
replied, "Don't you know that all Christmas trees are beautiful?" What a great example of being positive! If your children say something negative, help them discover the
positive. They should not feel they have to be better than other people in order to have their own self-esteem.

Family Teaching Activity 37: Sardines

Play several rounds of the game "Sardines," which is a sort of backward hide-and-seek. One person hides, and then other people look around for the hidden person
and hide with him or her when they find the hiding place. The game continues until each person searching finds the place. Before you know it, you have six people in a
tiny place experiencing claustrophobia and giggle attacks. Let every person be "it" at least once. After the game, discuss how the Lord encourages them to develop
their talents and not "hide them under a bushel." Talk to your children about your own talents and how you developed them or "found" them, as in the game of Sardines.

Scripture: D&C 31:9.

This game was a hit! We played several times, and the first time I hid with my two-year-old in the bathtub. My son was tempted to turn on the shower but thankfully
resisted. He began to giggle as he heard his big brother looking for him. Soon the whole family was squished into the tub. Luckily we are used to all being together in
very little space.

Family Teaching Activity 38: The Oyster

Read the following poem:

There once was an oyster who lived in the sea,

All happy and healthy and fine as could be.

Then one day came something that gave him a shock:

Something got in his shell, and it felt like a rock.

(It was really no more than a small grain of sand.)

"How sad that the sand in my nice shell would land!"

Said the oyster, and soon he was having a fit.

He hurt and he itched till he just couldn't sit.

But the sand wouldn't move; it was firmly stuck in.

Thought the oyster, "There's surely a way I can win."

He knew there was simply no way to remove it,

But soon he came up with a way to improve it.

Years passed till he finally got caught in a loop

And would soon be a part of a fisherman's soup!

The fisherman opened the shell with a twirl,

And his eyes blinked with shock at a beautiful pearl.

So the lesson to learn from the oyster, my friend,

Is when life sends a trial, it isn't the end.

Make the best
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And someday you're sure to receive your "pearl" too.
So the lesson to learn from the oyster, my friend,

Is when life sends a trial, it isn't the end.

Make the best of the things God has given to you,

And someday you're sure to receive your "pearl" too.

-Tamara Fackrell

After reading the poem, rephrase the story for your children, "An oyster got a piece of sand stuck in him. He could not get it out. Instead of complaining, he decided to
be happy. Years later, the oyster was caught in a fisherman's net, and when the fisherman opened the oyster, he found a beautiful pearl that was made from the piece of
sand. Sometimes we have difficult things to do, but we can learn from those things and find our pearls." Talk about what the oyster did with sand. What were his
choices? What happened when he decided to make the best of things? How can they apply this in their lives?

Scripture: Ether 12:27.

This activity was a lot of fun. I performed it with our children and my brother's ten-year-old daughter. My son did a decent job of summarizing the poem, even though
he is young. When I asked my niece what the message was, she instinctively replied, each need to find the pearl inside of us." I thought this comment was insightful. We
talked about what our pearls might be and had a wonderful discussion.

Family Teaching Activity 39: Making Lemonade Out of Lemons

Materials needed: Lemons, sugar, cups, and water.

Get one lemon for every two people in the family. Cut the lemons open and have each person take a taste. Talk about how sour the lemon is. Then have each person
squeeze the juice out of his or her piece of lemon. For each lemon half, add one cup of water and an amount of sugar to equal the amount of lemon juice. Then have
everyone drink his or her lemonade. Say, "When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade." Have each person give an example of turning a lemon (a bad
situation) into lemonade. For example, if your refrigerator broke, the family could eat all the ice cream in one sitting.

Scripture: 2 Nephi 2:11.

Homemade lemonade is a family tradition in my family. My grandmother would often make us hot lemonade when we were ill. Because the day we did this activity it
was snowing, we decided to follow with family tradition and make hot lemonade. I heated the water, and then we measured out 1 cup for each person. We ended up
using 1/4 cup of lemon juice and 1/4 cup of sugar. My two-year-old was upset because I did not understand that he did not want lemonade. He just wanted a bowl of
sugar, which he could devour. Other than this sour little episode, everything was sweet. When we did this activity, it was getting late, and we discourage a lot of
drinking at night. We let everyone enjoy a few sips and then put the rest of the homemade lemonade in our ice-cube tray for ice pops. After we were done, my son
said, "Mom, can I invite my friends over tomorrow so we can make lemonade?"

Insights: Tidbits of Wisdom
The "Move the Cookies" Rule

"What the wise do in the beginning, the fools do in the end." -Anonymous

A key to providing a happy environment for children is for parents to keep their cool. A household filled with yelling and criticism is not the best environment for the
development of children-or of parents, for that matter. All families have their difficulties. If you have lost your difficulties, call me; I may have them over at my house.

When my first child became mobile, I thought I might go crazy when he continually got into the toilet-paper rolls in the bathroom. If I heard silence and he was out of
my immediate sight (always a big mistake), I would run to the bathroom. Most often, I was too late. Two little hands can have a lot of fun in just nanoseconds. On his
most productive days, mountains of toilet paper would be on the floor. He learned how to spin the roll much too early for my taste. On other days, he would take the
roll and drag it with him on a safari through our small apartment. As I followed his trail, he would make confetti out of the roll if time permitted, so it was not difficult to
track him down. My current two-year-old is enamored with the video and DVD cabinet; he likes to open the door and get out every video and DVD we own. Also, he
recently gnawed a large apple and left it in tiny pieces in three rooms of the house. Of course, I had just finished vacuuming. That is practically a given at my house on a
day of disaster. I clean, the kids immediately make the house dirty, and the cycle repeats. My two-year-old also enjoys getting into a box of Wet Wipes, squashing
them into different shapes, and leaving them out to dry. Luckily, I can just add water so he can again dry out the wipes.

Have you ever wondered if marker companies make markers "washable" because of a certain reoccurring problem? My walls have been adorned with hieroglyphics of
many kinds, although they can always be deciphered in the same way: "I was out of mom's sight for a split second." Instead of getting frustrated, I take pictures of these
masterpieces and use them in my scrapbooks. I think of them as opportunities-after the initial shock wears off.

Move the Cookies

I read a story in a Women's Conference book that literally changed my life. One of the writers told a story of a mother who had a toddler and a nursing baby. When it
was time for her to nurse the baby, she told her little girl, "Do not touch the cookies. They are hot because I just got them out of the oven." This warning prompted the
youngster to go immediately and get the cookies. The mother was desperate and in prayer asked Heavenly Father how she could get her child to obey. The sweet
prompting of the Spirit provided the practical answer: "Move the cookies."

I think there are two lessons we can learn from this story. First, if we want our children to obey, we must help them do so. Second, most of the time we can simply
"move the cookies." Far too often, we set ourselves up for the frustration of failure. Recently my daughter misplaced my husband's gold watch, greatly frustrating my
husband. The solution was simple: Move the watch. Take preventive measures and do not leave important or tempting things within children's reach.

Before I learned the "move it" concept, I used to struggle with our children and my keys. One day my sister came over and left her keys on a lower tabletop. My two-
year-old son took the keys, surprising my sister (who had no toddlers at the time) but not me. We hunted for the keys for almost an hour without success. I was just
happy the victim was my sister and not someone else. I begrudgingly drove her home to get her spare keys, frustrated that her other keys had been lost. A week
passed and I still had not found her keys. So we began to replace her gym pass and all the keys that were on her lost key ring. About two months later, I found the
keys. They were rusting at the bottom of a box of diaper wipes that had been hidden under the crib. If we had only known the "move the cookies" rule back then, I
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could have saved myself expense and aggravation.

On another occasion, when I had only one child, I could not find my own keys. After a frantic search all over the house, I ended up walking my son to a babysitter and
year-old son took the keys, surprising my sister (who had no toddlers at the time) but not me. We hunted for the keys for almost an hour without success. I was just
happy the victim was my sister and not someone else. I begrudgingly drove her home to get her spare keys, frustrated that her other keys had been lost. A week
passed and I still had not found her keys. So we began to replace her gym pass and all the keys that were on her lost key ring. About two months later, I found the
keys. They were rusting at the bottom of a box of diaper wipes that had been hidden under the crib. If we had only known the "move the cookies" rule back then, I
could have saved myself expense and aggravation.

On another occasion, when I had only one child, I could not find my own keys. After a frantic search all over the house, I ended up walking my son to a babysitter and
hurriedly jogging-okay, trotting or whatever you call the hustling and bustling of a pregnant lady-to my appointment. I was so frustrated the keys were lost and mortified
about being late for my appointment. Later the next day, I was prompted to look in the bushes outside our home. The keys were under a large, prickly bush. I paid the
price of leaving my keys where my toddler could get them, which included several scratches on my arms.

These experiences helped me take two preventive measures. First, I purchased a key holder that is high enough in our kitchen that no little hands can reach it. Second, I
got our children their own sets of old keys to play with. (Plastic keys just do not do the trick.) When my toddlers want my keys, I encourage them to find their own.
They actually have several sets of spare keys too, and I finally got a spare set of my own.

I used this inspired principle again as I began to get frustrated with my oldest son's favorite toys: little soldiers, which quickly get scattered all over the floor. I would ask
him to pick them up, and he would obey. The problem was that my two younger children would scatter the soldiers incessantly. Have you ever stepped on one of those
in your bare feet? Buying little toys goes against my better judgment, but playing with soldiers is one of those childhood traditions my husband has insisted on passing
down to our children. Of course, you know the solution. I should move the soldiers to a shelf that can be reached only by my five-year-old or an adult. The same
principle is helpful with toys that have many tiny pieces or that need to stay together, such as puzzles, blocks, board games, and Barbie accessories.

Instead of hoping your children will obey, move the temptation. After all, how well do we do on a diet in a doughnut shop?

Childproofing

Some parents say, "The toddler must just learn to obey!" I believe they are setting themselves and their toddlers up for real problems. Some of the homes I visit are
clearly not child-friendly. I always pray that our children will keep their little hands off things during our purposefully brief visits. If someone has regular visits from young
children, she should make at least part of her home child-friendly, like my sister's basement. People who no longer have toddlers in their home often forget the risks of
keeping breakable things down low. When visiting, you might politely ask, "Do you mind if I put your crystal vase up until we leave?"

Our own homes are another matter, and we can and should make them childproof. If I could start over again with the toddler-toilet paper problem, I would move the
toilet paper out of my toddler's reach and buy a two-dollar lock for the bathroom door. Ah, hindsight! Recently my daughter and oldest son discovered my soft contact
lenses on the bathroom counter. The fun was over in about two minutes. They successfully ripped both of my thankfully disposable contacts into several tiny pieces. I
was a little upset, but I realized I was more to blame than our children. I had left the contacts on the counter uncovered. What child could resist such temptation?
Losing my contacts brought into focus the easy answer: Move them.

Childproof your home to reduce frustration.

Tips for Success

Other solutions that have set our children up for success have included putting a lock on our computer room and moving all the toys to a central room so we do not
have to clean up four different areas. The key is to let your children achieve and succeed.

Another helpful technique is to give children a little time to obey. For example, I often count to three to give them a chance to get their act together. My daughter will
often beat me to the counting, automatically saying, "One, two, three!" I used to give halves and three-quarters, but I gave those up to encourage quicker obedience.
When I first started counting, I counted to ten, first warning the children, "I will give you to the count of ten." Then I bravely moved to just three, with no halvsies; you
should see how quickly our children start to move on the count of one! If something requires a little more time, I give the children longer. Counting gives a child a
chance to be branded as a good child instead of a naughty one.

"One," I say, and my children and I say in unison, "two, three." I think they have learned the drill. Having good children is more training than natural ability. If you want
your children to behave perfectly in front of others, train them.

Summary

A mother experiences many daily mishaps, and you should know how you deal with yours. Talk with your children about acceptable ways to express their behavior so
they know your expectations. But most of all, try to use the "move the cookies" rule to reduce the amount of frustration in your home.

The "move the cookies" rule has eliminated many frustrations in our home. Whenever our children get into something, I try to think about what I could have done to
prevent the problem. You cannot imagine how many lipsticks they have devoured. I now buy the one-dollar cheap lipstick to reduce damages. Moving items out of
reach is an inspired principle that has helped me keep temptation away from our children.

Making It Work

Listen to the Spirit: The scriptures teach that we should not criticize others unless moved upon by the Spirit. (See D&C 121:41-45.) I cannot think of many times I have
felt the Spirit when I was reproving. When you are frustrated, pray to the Lord for help, and then listen for the soft promptings of the Spirit. This scripture also tells us
to show an increase of love after we have reproved someone. These two principles, disciplining when prompted and showing an increase of love afterward, are a great
guide for parenting from our Heavenly Parent.

Think of ways to set your children up for success: Make your home an environment that nurtures your children. Lower your expectations. Expect that mistakes will be
made and lessons learned. Then when your children exceed your expectations, you will be pleased. This is better than having unrealistic expectations and continually
being frustrated because tasks are not being accomplished in the way you would like.

Ask older family members to keep things out of reach. Help lower frustration by encouraging family members to keep things out of reach of little brothers and sisters. If
they have special toys they do not want to share, have them keep the toys in a secure place. Keep your children informed about what you are doing to "move the
cookies" so they can help in the effort.

Family Teaching Activity 40: Balloon Burst
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Materials needed: One package of balloons, pin, paper, and pencil. Buy enough balloons for each person to have one. You will also need one other balloon for display.

Tell your family that the "display" balloon represents anger. Have each person tell things that trigger anger. Each time someone says an anger trigger, blow air into the
cookies" so they can help in the effort.

Family Teaching Activity 40: Balloon Burst

Materials needed: One package of balloons, pin, paper, and pencil. Buy enough balloons for each person to have one. You will also need one other balloon for display.

Tell your family that the "display" balloon represents anger. Have each person tell things that trigger anger. Each time someone says an anger trigger, blow air into the
display balloon. Continue listing things until you have so much air into the balloon that it bursts. (Use a pin to pop it if needed.) Talk about how you can "explode" if you
do not deal with anger appropriately. Have each person in the family blow up a balloon. As a family, talk about ways you can reduce or process your anger. (This may
include taking a walk, leaving the scene, or switching activities.) (See Proverbs 16:32.) Each time someone in the family mentions a way to reduce anger, have that
person let some air out of the balloon. As soon as the balloon is half full, tie it closed. Then try to pop it by putting the pin in the strong side opposite the tie (usually a
little darker in color). The balloon will not pop, because you remembered to cool down your "anger." Talk about what your family can do to reduce anger. As a review,
give various scenarios and have family members blow air into the balloons if the scenario would increase anger and let air out if it would decrease anger.

Scripture: Alma 38:12.

Our children really loved this. My son saw the pin and said, "Are you going to pop it?" After we did the cool-down balloon, he could not believe it did not pop, and he
asked me to poke it somewhere in the middle. Luckily, I knew that at the end of the balloon, near the tie, there is also extra elasticity. When I poked it a second time, it
still did not pop. Our children played with their balloons and insisted on popping them. Then later that night when we had an anger episode, we used the analogy again
to think of ways to calm down. When we performed this activity with a class of elementary-age students, they could not believe the balloon would not pop after the
cool-down. They thought it was magic! We explained how cooling down is so important. They understood the concept through the demonstration.

Family Teaching Activity 41: Explosion

Materials needed: Two bottles of carbonated soda with lids. (Do not use diet sodas as they do not have enough fizz.)

Shake up one of the bottles and explain that the fizz represents anger. Explain the difference between being out of control and being in control of your emotions. Turn
the lid just a little to let some air out. Then tighten it up again. Show how the fizz goes to the top. You might let each person take a turn shaking up the bottle and letting
out a little pressure. (This may make a mess, so be prepared!) Talk about how important it is to control your emotions, and brainstorm ways that would help you do
this. Go to the kitchen and do the next demonstration over the sink. Take the other bottle, shake it up, and take the lid off so the soda explodes. Explain that when
you're angry and explode, you usually have a mess to clean up. Talk about how feelings can get hurt from an angry episode.

Scripture: Galatians 5:22-23.

This is another classic activity I have used with people of all ages. For our family, the explosion over the sink was spectacular. I let everyone in the family have a turn
really shaking up the soda. I talked about how this is similar to making others angry. We used a pertinent example in our own family of a bully at the bus stop who was
teasing my son. We thought of ways to deescalate the problem. In one class for youth, the student spilled the soda and had to clean up the sticky mess. The teacher
used this analogy again and again to explain how anger leads to a sticky mess to clean up. Weeks later, when a soda bottle exploded on me, my daughter remarked,
"Mom, we learned about that!"

Family Teaching Activity 42: Mr. Angry

Materials needed: Paper and markers or crayons.

Draw a big stick figure on the paper. Ask the family how their bodies react when they are angry. Have some crayons ready so your kids can really have some fun. As
they mention something like red cheeks, a knot in the stomach, or crazy hair, have someone draw it on the stick figure. Explain that it is important to know what
happens to your body when you are angry. The only way you will stop from exploding is to learn to cool down. Talk about ways each of you can cool down when you
are angry.

Scripture: 3 Nephi 11:29.

I have done this activity with people of all ages. Everyone enjoys putting on the knots in the stomach, sweaty hands, crazy hair, red cheeks, wobbly knees, frowning
face, and beating heart. With all these signals occurring in our body, no wonder it is so difficult to solve problems. My two-year-old topped off our family's picture with
green and red scribbles all over the page. This was one time the scribbles really added an appropriate element.

There Is No One Right Way

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands." -Alexandra Penny

W hen my brother-in-law got engaged, my husband and I started talking with the newly engaged couple about the adjustments of marriage. We told them about
something that happened during our first few months together. I was making dinner for my husband, cutting onions for the spaghetti sauce, when my husband had the
audacity to tell me I was cutting them wrong. I could not believe my ears, and my eyes-well, they were watering, all right. I had no idea there was a right and wrong
way to cut onions. The same thing happened with the tomatoes, too. As a young bride, I was pretty upset. Now, we look back and laugh.

There Is No One Right Way

My husband is very particular about many things. He came from a family that believed many household tasks could be properly completed only one way. I, on the
other hand, came from a family that was flexible and gave appreciation for every level of help. Hence, as newlyweds, we had to develop the policy that "There's not
one right way." I often remind him there is more than one right way to do things. The towels do not always have to be folded in thirds. The dishes do not have to be
exactly lined up in the dishwasher (although I admit it does look better). The toothpaste does not have to be squeezed from the bottom. The toilet paper does not have
to go over instead of under. I could go on all day about the particulars. After learning his preferences I make a special effort to please, yet he realizes his way may not
be my way. Therefore, there is no "right way" in our house but more of a preferred way. "There's not one right way," I sometimes say. And my husband replies, "Yes,
but there is a more efficient way." Then I retort, "What if efficiency is not my goal?"

I was in a dinner group where the participants made dinner once a week for three families. I made dinner once a week, and dinner came to our family twice a week.
Sometimes I would serve my favorite dish, and I could tell the other families really did not like it. Other times, I did not like things other people cooked. The concept is
the same: There's not one right way. One dish will not necessarily please every family in the dinner group (though desserts usually do).
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Realizing there is not just "one right way" lets you be flexible with other people's opinions and preferences. My way is not the right way. It may be right for me but not
for you. As I have trained my daughter, I say, "You like it, but I don't."
I was in a dinner group where the participants made dinner once a week for three families. I made dinner once a week, and dinner came to our family twice a week.
Sometimes I would serve my favorite dish, and I could tell the other families really did not like it. Other times, I did not like things other people cooked. The concept is
the same: There's not one right way. One dish will not necessarily please every family in the dinner group (though desserts usually do).

Realizing there is not just "one right way" lets you be flexible with other people's opinions and preferences. My way is not the right way. It may be right for me but not
for you. As I have trained my daughter, I say, "You like it, but I don't."

The Platinum Rule

The golden rule says, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you," but what I want may not be the same thing that you want. So, we should always
consider the platinum rule: "Do unto others as they would have done unto them." For example, if I applied the golden rule to my husband, I would rub his back,
because that is what I like. If I applied the platinum rule, I would scratch his back, because that is what he prefers.

I have a friend whose mother paid her a visit. Her mom insisted on moving the furniture, implementing a new washing system, and changing many other things. After her
mom left, my friend tried doing things her mother's way for several days but got discouraged because it did not work for her. She moved her furniture back and went
back to her old washing system. Even if her mother's system had worked for her, she probably would have preferred to work things out for herself.

The platinum rule: Do unto others as they would have done unto them. Not everyone thinks just like us. Thank goodness there is variety in the world. Find out people's
preferences before you spend a lot of effort pleasing them "your way."

"When I Was a Kid I Walked to and from School Uphill Both Ways in the Snow"

Another way to keep perspective when dealing with children is by telling them stories about your own childhood. My son woke up late for school and barely missed
the bus. My first reaction was frustration because I would have to wake up the younger children, get them "semi-dressed," load them in the car, and drive my son to
school. I went to my room and prayed for guidance. After my prayer, I realized I was mostly to blame because my husband had forgotten to set the alarm and I did not
wake my son up on time. Usually our little alarm clock (my baby) wakes us, but that day he had slept in too. After we were all in the car, I told about a time in sixth
grade when I missed the bus. I told my son that when he has children and they miss the bus, he can tell them about his experience. He said, "Wow, Mom, that is neat
we both missed the bus." Telling my son about my childhood experience helped minimize the problem and maximize the relationship.

"When I was a kid . . ." Our children love to hear stories about us.

Summary

It's refreshing to express frustration and keep perspective by using the "there's not one right way" rule and by remembering experiences from your own childhood. We
need to be tolerant of how long it takes children to learn things. Encourage them and do not think things have to be perfect from your perspective. Remember that there
is more than one way to accomplish the same goal.

Making It Work

Be daring: My husband likes things certain ways. It is daring for him to have his shoes mismatched in the closet. Do something out of the ordinary. Be a little crazy!

Be smart: If you are being particular about something, change your thinking about it. If something repeatedly bothers you, make steps to change your attitude about the
problem. Think of an unusual solution.

Be flexible: Being flexible is an important part of being a mother. Work on being flexible with different things. Keep things you want to be picky about out of the
children's reach.

Family Teaching Activity 43: The Big Bad Wolf

Have someone in the family briefly tell their own version of the story of the Three Little Pigs-(house of straw, sticks, and brick. Wolf says, "Little pig, little pig, let me
come in. Pig: "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin." Wolf, "Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!" At the house of brick, the wolf comes through the
chimney!)

Ask:

What was the conflict?

How did the three little pigs handle the conflict?

What was the perspective of the three little pigs?

What was the wolf's perspective?

Tell the family the wolf might not be such a bad guy. Read the following story:

I'm a wolf and love the forest. I always try to protect my home and keep it clean. I am a protector of the smaller animals.

One day while I was cleaning up litter inconsiderate campers left behind, I heard a terrible noise. I looked up in the sky and realized a storm was coming in. I wanted to
protect the other animals in the forest. I spent many hours warning all the animals and finding safety for them. I had never seen a storm like this. My fur was dripping
wet, and I could barely walk against the blows of the wind. I became ill from the dampness on my coat.

Then all the sudden, I remembered the three little pigs! I had not yet warned the three little pigs! Desperate, I jumped up and decided to fight against the storm to help
them to safety.

I went to the pig's house made of straw and knocked on the door. I said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come in." The pig was so rude he would not even open the door.
Here I was, sick as could be, trying to save him from the storm, and he said, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin." I tried to warn him. I told him the wind would
huff and puff
 Copyright  (c)and blow his house
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                                        Media      would not let me help him. All of a sudden his house was overcome by the wind and blew down.
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I ran to his brother's house, which was made of sticks, to warn him of the storm. The same thing happened. Did they not learn any manners in their family? He refused
to let me in. I was supposed to be a guest and was trying to save him, but he expressed no appreciation. Again the wind blew down the house. If only he had listened
them to safety.

I went to the pig's house made of straw and knocked on the door. I said, "Little pig, little pig, let me come in." The pig was so rude he would not even open the door.
Here I was, sick as could be, trying to save him from the storm, and he said, "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin." I tried to warn him. I told him the wind would
huff and puff and blow his house down. He still would not let me help him. All of a sudden his house was overcome by the wind and blew down.

I ran to his brother's house, which was made of sticks, to warn him of the storm. The same thing happened. Did they not learn any manners in their family? He refused
to let me in. I was supposed to be a guest and was trying to save him, but he expressed no appreciation. Again the wind blew down the house. If only he had listened
to me!

Being the nice guy that I am, I decided I would go to the third brother's house to tell him about the storm and help him to safety. This brother was wealthy. He had a
large house made of brick. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in. He refused too! By this time I was really ill and began to cough and sneeze. I yelled
that the wind would huff and puff and blow his house down! I began to cough uncontrollably, but that rich pig had no decency. He would not even shelter me from the
storm.

I learned CPR in my wolf safety class. I know about illness. I knew I needed to warm myself up or I might die. I risked my life for these pigs, and they would not even
let me in or say thank you. I climbed on top of the brick house and began to warm myself from the chimney fire. Then the wind began to blow and I fell into the
chimney. The next thing I remember is the three pigs attacking me! I tried to calm them down, but I guess that only made things worse. I tried to explain how this was a
big mistake, but no one would listen to me. I ran away, thinking how terrible it is some people resort to violence.

A year passed, and I did not worry about this little incident. Suddenly everybody was saying what a terrible guy I am, so my reputation was ruined. It turns out the
three little pigs wrote this best-selling book. (Like the brother with bricks needed any more money!) Nobody has ever had a chance to hear my side of the story until
now. I do not know about the three little pigs, but I sure did not live happily ever after!

Ask:

What was the conflict?

How did the three little pigs handle the conflict?

What was the perspective of the three little pigs?

What was the wolf's perspective?

Talk about how the stories are different but both could have happened. Finish by explaining how important it is to understand other people's perspective. Use an
example of how understanding another person helped you in your life.

Scripture: D&C 88:133.

This activity is a family favorite. We had the kids participate by helping with the knocking and huffing and puffing. My son was excited that the wolf is really a nice guy. I
also performed this activity for my son's first grade class, and they really loved it. You cannot go wrong with this classic story.

Family Teaching Activity 44: Bugs

Materials needed: None.

Go out in the yard and search for different bugs and insects. Make a list of as many as you can. Share with the children how each creature has a different way to live.
Talk about how there is not just one right way to do things.

Scripture: D&C 19:38-41.

Our family talked about butterflies, ladybugs, worms, bees, praying mantises, flies, and spiders. We talked about how each bug is different. Our children were
fascinated that flies live only about twenty-four hours. They are thankful they are not flies.

Family Teaching Activity 45: The Storytellers

Materials needed: None.

Begin a story and tell each person in the family they are going to have a chance to continue the story. Start by saying, "There once was a big yellow house. There were
many people who lived in the house and many cars in the driveway. One day, the little girl in the house decided she wanted to do something fun so she . . ." Continue
the story around the circle several times until you want to end. Talk about how the story changed as the storyteller changed. Talk about how important it is to
understand different people. Sometimes they might not have the same ideas as you, but you can still work together to make a great story.

Scripture: Proverbs 8:11.

In our family story, the little girl went to the park, for a walk, to the swimming pool, and to a birthday party. Then she went home and had prayer, scriptures, and a
story and went to bed very quickly! So there is hope. Maybe our children will go to bed quickly tonight.

The Thank You - Please Rule

"Perhaps once in a hundred years a person may be ruined by excessive praise, but surely once every minute someone dies inside for lack of it." -Cecil Osbourne

I often hear mothers ask their children, "What's the magic word?" Of course, the answer is "Please." One day while I was in one of my "I am a servant" modes, I
decided I wanted more appreciation expressed in our family. I would be especially happy if more pure, uncoaxed compliments came my way. In my study of
psychology, I've learned the statistic that it takes ten compliments to combat the effects of one negative statement. I figure we need to find as many places as we can to
lift each other up. Hence, I received an epiphany: the "thank you-please" rule.

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We actually call this rule the "magic formula." I ask our children, "What's the magic formula?" First you compliment the person; then you ask for what you want. A child
decided I wanted more appreciation expressed in our family. I would be especially happy if more pure, uncoaxed compliments came my way. In my study of
psychology, I've learned the statistic that it takes ten compliments to combat the effects of one negative statement. I figure we need to find as many places as we can to
lift each other up. Hence, I received an epiphany: the "thank you-please" rule.

The Magic Formula

We actually call this rule the "magic formula." I ask our children, "What's the magic formula?" First you compliment the person; then you ask for what you want. A child
might say, "Thank you for being such a wonderful mother. Will you please get me a drink?" Other statements in our home include "Thank you for making this great
dinner. Will you please get me some more?" "Thank you for helping me do my chores. Will you please help me vacuum?"

I was at my son's soccer game, and my sister and brother-in-law came to watch. Suddenly my son started demanding, "Mommy, change my outfit now!" I was
appalled and a little embarrassed. I looked at him with the most evil eye I could muster and said, , what is the formula?" He replied, "Oh, yeah! Thank you for being
such a nice mommy. Can you please help me change?" I think my brother-in-law was just as surprised at the formula as he was with the earlier demand. He was
amazed something that simple could create such respect. I do not think it is as much respect as it is training.

The magic formula is first thanking and then asking. "Thank you for being a wonderful mommy. Will you please help me?" Children can be taught the formula as soon as
they can talk.

Do as I Say and Do as I Do

I do not just have our children use the magic formula. I also use the formula myself. When I ask our children to do their chores or pick up their clothes, I compliment
them first. It really helps me see the many things they do right.

My parents were visiting, and Connor used the formula: "Thank you for being so super. Can you please get me chocolate cookies and milk?" My dad gave an outright
laugh. He said, "How do you expect a kid that size to remember all of that?" My mom jumped in immediately, as she could tell Connor thought Grandpa was laughing
at him. "Grandpa is not laughing at you," she said. "He's just impressed that you are smart enough to remember the formula." It may be long, but even when my
daughter was two she would give the standard formula of "Thank you for being great. Please get me . . ." The compliment never changes, but I do not mind. I love it! I
must admit, I probably get more compliments than anyone else in our family because I am usually asked to do the most. I think that is only fair!

Teach your children to use the magic formula, and show them how to use it by example.

Making It Work

Expect from your children only what you expect from yourself. Have your children ever done something that scared you because it was one of your negative habits?
Mine have. The truth is, I like to drink directly out of the kitchen faucet. Then I do not have to clean a cup. I could not quite figure out where I picked up this habit until
I saw my dad do it and my brother, too. Now my kids are starting to pick up the habit. I am now in the quandary of deciding if I should remove it from our family or
pass it down to the next generation. Your children will usually follow your lead. Be the example. Whenever I go into the family room with food, my children catch me. I
then quickly run up to the kitchen, stuff the offending delicacy in my mouth, and show them my now innocent hands. Have the same expectations for all in the family,
including Mom and Dad.

Use the magic formula. Encourage your children to ask for things with the magic formula: "Thank you for _______, can you please get me ________?" First they
compliment, then they ask. Parents should also use the formula when asking their children and spouses to do things.

Develop the habit of giving to others through service. The only way to really show gratitude is to give service to others. As a family, we try to do at least two projects a
year where we give service to people outside the family. Talk with your children about the importance of giving service as a way to express gratitude to Heavenly
Father.

Family Teaching Activity 46: Feast

Materials needed: None.

This is a lesson in appreciation. Pick one person and have him or her stand in the center of the circle. Have every person in the family tell the person what they love
about him or her. They may want to share a special experience about the person. Then choose another person to compliment, until everyone has had a turn. It is a
"feast" in compliments and helps each person feel valued. Talk about how important it is to focus on each others' strengths.

Scripture: 2 Nephi 32:3.

Our family loves this activity, and we do it often. We complimented each other on how we treat one another and the work we do toward our family team. I could tell
the children were looking forward with anticipation to their own feast. They all smiled and giggled as they received the compliments.

Family Teaching Activity 47: Ice Cream Flower Pot

Materials needed: A clean plastic flower pot, ice cream, Oreo cookies, Ziploc bag, a stem of silk flowers, and notes you write.

Make a note for each person in your family expressing thanks and appreciation to them. Explain to them why you are happy they are a part of your family. Then place
the notes in a Ziplock bag. Put the bag at the bottom of the flower pot. Make sure it is sealed tight. Then place scoops of ice cream on top until it reaches the top of the
flower pot. Take twelve Oreo Cookies and separate the filling from the cookie ends. Grind up all the cookie ends until they reach the consistency of dirt. If your kids
do not want to stomp on the cookies in a plastic bag, use your blender. Place your "Oreo dirt" on top of the ice cream and place the flower pot in the freezer. Right
before you are going to give the lesson, put the silk flower in the pot. (As an alternative, you can get tiny flower pots and make one for each person in the family.) Tell
the story of Ruth and how she showed appreciation to Naomi by being loyal. (See Ruth 1.) Explain that you realize the best way to your family's hearts is through their
stomachs, and you really appreciate each of them. Read the following poem:

I give my thanks for all you do,

And I would like to honor you.

A special note is hidden, where?
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I cannot tell, for that's not fair.

But this small hint may help you find
And I would like to honor you.

A special note is hidden, where?

I cannot tell, for that's not fair.

But this small hint may help you find

That you must eat and freeze your mind.

Then at the bottom of your treat,

You'll find the note, so go and eat!

Have them eat the treat and then open the notes.

Scripture: Article of Faith 13.

Activities that have treats are always a hit! I really made the most of this activity by making our children wait downstairs for the surprise. When they finally got their treat
in the freezer, my son was disappointed when he saw the dirt. When I told him the dirt was really smashed cookies, he started to laugh because he had fallen for the
trick. I made an individual ice-cream dish for each person in the family. I actually used plastic storage dishes instead of flower pots. My son dug out his note from the
bottom before he finished his ice cream. I used words he knew how to read. He loved reading his special note. My daughter and son have since asked if I would make
some more dirt for the top of their ice cream.

Family Teaching Activity 48: The Royal Treatment

Materials needed: Paper or plastic crowns.

Choose another family you know and tell them you would like to honor them at family appreciation night. It will be a night of royal treatment, so you may want to make
special crowns for each person. These are easily made with cardstock by cutting zigzags and then stapling the ends together. (You can also buy crowns at a craft store
for under a dollar.) Start by telling the visiting family why they were chosen for family appreciation night. Then choose a scripture story you feel demonstrates the
positive qualities of the family. You may also want your family to do a skit showing an act of kindness the other family has done. Then play a game that is fun for both
families, like charades, Pictionary, Scattergories, or Celestial Pursuit. End the night by thanking them for coming and giving them a certificate to remember the night.

Scripture: 3 Nephi 12:16.

We invited some friends for this activity and played Taboo and Sorry. Everyone enjoyed interacting with one another. This activity was so much fun we decided to do it
again soon.

In our appreciation for your great service,

We honor

_________________________________

You are a great example, always giving

Christ-like service, kindness, and charity.

That Was Easy

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind." -William James

T he no-tear shampoo was not working, either for the shampooer or the shampooee. Despite my best efforts, every time I had to wash my two-year-old daughter's
hair, the battle of wills would begin. She complained that even the gentlest of shampoos stung her eyes. Of course, with her complaining, fussing, and wiggling, my
daughter would inevitably get shampoo in her eyes. This experience inspired the "that was easy" rule. I decided I must somehow help her enjoy the experience. Every
time we would start to wash her hair, I would say, "This is going to be really easy." Then we would proceed with the shampooing. At first she would complain and
wiggle, but through soothing words and encouragement she would hesitantly perform the task. When we were done with the episode, I would say, "Wow, you are
really good at washing your hair! That was easy, huh?" Then she would repeat, "That was easy" several times. Bath time used to be difficult, but now I look forward to
it, and she does too. To this day, many times when she washes her hair, she will say, "That was easy."

Childhood Memories Define Adult Attitudes

Remembering a good childhood can help you in your adulthood. But what happened in your childhood is not as important as your perspective of what happened. A
friend told me, "Everyone had a bad childhood; it just depends on how you define it."

In The Sun Is Always Shining, Ryan J. Hulbert explains, "An individual's self-concept 'gels' around age seven or eight. Before that age, I like to think of a child's self-
concept as similar to gelatin dessert that has not quite fully set up. Before gelatin's setting up, many things can be added such as shredded carrots, cottage cheese, or
sliced fruits. After the gelatin has set up, however, fruit or other items tend to bounce off or slide around on its firm surface. This is not to say that self-concept cannot
be changed after age seven or eight, but simply that it is more difficult to do so."

What does that mean for mothers of young children? We need to be adding the carrots, fruit, and cottage cheese. These translate into helping your child be smart,
happy, spiritual, athletic, artistic, or however you want your child to develop. It's never too early to start. And it is more effective before the age of eight.

I had an enchanted childhood because I felt smart, beautiful, talented, and secure. I spent many of my days rolling on green horse barrels in the orchard, climbing
apricot trees, jumping on the trampoline, and playing with my mother and siblings.
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It is possible to rewrite your childhood as an adult. You can go back and think of your negative experiences from an adult point of view, learning to forgive
hurt you. Sometimes things that hurt us as children may not have been intended to hurt our feelings.
I had an enchanted childhood because I felt smart, beautiful, talented, and secure. I spent many of my days rolling on green horse barrels in the orchard, climbing
apricot trees, jumping on the trampoline, and playing with my mother and siblings.

It is possible to rewrite your childhood as an adult. You can go back and think of your negative experiences from an adult point of view, learning to forgive those who
hurt you. Sometimes things that hurt us as children may not have been intended to hurt our feelings.

Perhaps you would like to define your childhood as the positive experiences you had. Then when someone asks about your childhood, you will remember the good
things and not the bad. In a sense, you take your experiences and say, "That was easy!"

Build your children's self-esteem early in their lives. After the age of eight, children's self-concept is harder to change.

Take a Small Step to Conquer a Big Journey

"That was easy" works in many settings-chores, for example. When my daughter was ready to take over vacuuming the stairs, my son began to vacuum the hallway.
The big vacuum was too big to handle, and the small vacuum took a lot of time to cover that much space, so I would always help him. When we were done I would
exclaim, "That was easy, because you are getting so big." He soon felt that the task was not too hard for him, even with the big vacuum.

My little girl, Serena, is learning how to pump her legs on the swing. I encourage her by saying, "In and out, in and out." She is catching on. I compliment her on her
progress and say, "That was really easy for you, wasn't it?" She has been improving as we continue to practice with positive reinforcement. Finally she has learned the
skill, and now I only have to push two little children on the swings instead of three.

Use praise to encourage even small accomplishments.

Don't Cry over Spilled Milk

Another phrase we use in our family is "That's okay." I do not want our children to feel they are always in trouble. So when we have a minor catastrophe (usually
several times a day), we say, "That's okay. We'll fix it or clean it." Many things do not need to be fussed over. If your children feel like everything they do is bad, that
reinforces the bad behavior. When I was young and at my aunt's house, I spilled my glass of milk at the dinner table. I was fearful of the trouble I might get into. My
uncle said, "Don't tell me you are going to cry over spilt milk!"When little mishaps occur, that's the perfect time to say, "That's okay."

Try to distinguish between mountains, molehills, and accidents, applying consequences appropriately.

Summary

The more perfect your children think they are, the more perfect they will be. Using "That's okay" helps minimize trouble. I have found using the "That Was Easy"
method helps get me through things that are not so easy. Perspective is so important. Your children will better face difficult challenges if they go in with the attitude they
can accomplish the tasks. We will face hard trials and while going through them, it may not always be the best solution to say, "That was easy." But it is an option.
Sometimes I reflect back on things I thought were terrible at the time and then remember it really was not that bad.

Making It Work

What special memories do you have as a child? Think back on some of your special childhood memories. Think of ways you can create similar positive memories for
your children.

Think back on situations when you may have been able to use the "That Was Easy" or the "That's Okay" approach. Reflect back on things that have been hard and
think about ways it was easy after being out of the crisis. Reflect on the positive aspects, such as growth, learning opportunities, new insights, and so on.

Tell your children they are great often! We want our children to feel like they are good children. If they feel like they are bad, they will act the part and behave worse.
When anything happens that is an accident, tell them, "It's okay. We must just clean it up." Simply do whatever needs to be done to fix the problem without making a
big deal out of it. This way our children learn in the home how to fix mistakes.

Family Teaching Activity 49: Spiritual Suitcase

Materials needed: Large suitcase.

Show a large suitcase. Ask the family what kind of things they pack when they are going on a trip. Explain this life is like preparing for a journey. They have to decide
what kinds of things they are going to put in their spiritual suitcase. Talk about things you can take with you after you die (thoughts, memory, testimony, family,
relationships, talents, and so on). Explain that the things we put into our minds will go with us, so it is so important to be careful what we put in. Talk about the influence
of music, television, and movies. Also, talk about the importance of developing your talents. Ask them to think of ways to prepare for the journey. Talk about how you
take things out of your suitcase (repentance or neglecting your gifts). Encourage them to be mindful of what they are packing. Put the suitcase in a place that can be
easily seen during the week as a reminder.

Scripture: D&C 130:18.

For this activity, I used my son's Power Ranger Suitcase. We had recently been on a trip as a family, and we talked about what we had packed to prepare for the
journey. I asked our children what we take with us when we die. They said the gospel, talents, love, relationships, and Jesus. I then talked about how important it is to
pack our spiritual suitcase with things we can take with us. We all decided that cars, toys, and material possessions are not as important. My daughter wants to develop
her talent of singing and dancing, and my son wants to develop his talent of playing the piano and karate. The karate is a long shot. I was not persuaded to have him
take karate lessons, but I was happy he was thinking about talents he could develop.

Family Teaching Activity 50: Egg Spin

Materials needed: 2 eggs.

Boil one egg. Show both of the eggs. Ask your children if they seem the same. Then take both of them and spin them. One will spin for a long time and one will spin for
a short time. Ask them what they think the difference is. Explain to them one is hard-boiled and one is not. Explain even though sometimes people look the same on the
outside,
 Copyrightthey(c)
                are2005-2009,
                    different onInfobase
                                 the inside.Media
                                             Explain that we are like the hard-boiled egg when we get baptized and also "baptized by fire" when we receive
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                                                                                                                                                         Page   45Ghost.
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When we have problems or challenges, we have special help from Heavenly Father to help us get through it. He will keep us spinning if we listen to his promptings. End
by sharing an experience of how Heavenly Father has helped you and made your burdens light.
Materials needed: 2 eggs.

Boil one egg. Show both of the eggs. Ask your children if they seem the same. Then take both of them and spin them. One will spin for a long time and one will spin for
a short time. Ask them what they think the difference is. Explain to them one is hard-boiled and one is not. Explain even though sometimes people look the same on the
outside, they are different on the inside. Explain that we are like the hard-boiled egg when we get baptized and also "baptized by fire" when we receive the Holy Ghost.
When we have problems or challenges, we have special help from Heavenly Father to help us get through it. He will keep us spinning if we listen to his promptings. End
by sharing an experience of how Heavenly Father has helped you and made your burdens light.

Scripture: D&C 33:11.

Our children each took several turns spinning the eggs. Predictably, at the end of the activity, the uncooked egg was dropped and oozed onto the floor. We had a
50/50 chance for the hardboiled egg, but to no avail. We had a discussion about the Holy Ghost, and I gave an example of a prompting I had to call a friend on a day
she needed help.

Family Teaching Activity 51: Walk with Christ

Materials needed: A small (pocket-sized) picture of Christ for each person in the family.

Begin by asking, "What did you do today?" Ask them if they would have acted differently if Christ had been with them. Explain that when we get baptized, we promise
we will take upon us the name of Christ, always remember him, and keep his commandments. When we take the sacrament each week, we are renewing these
promises. Give each person a picture of Christ. Tell them you want them to carry this picture for one day, or longer if they prefer. They can put it in a pocket, purse, or
backpack. Challenge them to behave as if Christ was with them at all times. End by sharing your testimony of Jesus Christ.

Scripture: 2 Nephi 31:12.

This activity was a hit. We placed a picture of Jesus in our home where everyone could see it. We did the activity on a Saturday so we would be together as a family
the entire day. Even my two-year-old knew the pictures was of Jesus. Later that evening we had each person in the family bear his or her testimony.

Time Out

"Nothing seems more permanent yet changes so rapidly as the human emotion." -James Dobson

Many mothers use "time out" as a way to discipline their children. When I was studying psychology in college, I learned the rules for using time out: one minute for every
year of age. For parents, it should be two minutes for every year of age, plus five minutes for every year under their age in the way they were acting. When following
the time-out rule for parents, make sure your spouse is home, as that bubble bath might take a while.

When my patience is growing thin (unfortunately, the rest of me isn't), I have to muster a lot of self-control just to talk in a measured tone. Most of the time, it's
something insignificant that sets me off.

My brother shared a perfect example of this. He went to the bank and endured a long wait, poor service, and problems with his account. He thought he had passed the
test because he did not explode at the teller. But as he drove home, he started to fume, rehearsing the episode in his mind. Upon his arrival, he was greeted by his five
golden-haired daughters. Later, one of them did something bothersome but insignificant, and he gave her a serious rebuke. Upon reflection, my brother knew it was not
his daughter who had made him angry but the teller at the bank. The soft prompting came, "The bank was not the test. You are home now, and this is the test. Try
again." He apologized to his daughter and learned an important lesson.

Treat Your Family Better than You Treat Strangers

Most of us are guilty at times of treating friends and associates better than we do our family. Rarely would we yell, give the silent treatment, or behave in other negative
ways as we sometimes do at home. My son has his friends over often, and I realized that I don't always treat my son as courteously as I do his friends, because I want
the friends to feel welcome in our home. My son, on the other hand, gets me on my good days and my bad days. I think about how Mary, the mother of Jesus, must
have felt. This was Heavenly Father's son! But our children are also Heavenly Father's sons and daughters. If we reflect on the idea that, in a way, we are "borrowing"
our children from Heavenly Father, we might be more patient, tolerant, and loving.

An old adage goes, "Home is the place where you are treated the best and act the worst." What a sad reality that people display different public and private selves. A
friend told me a story from her youth. She knew a woman who seemed to be the ideal mother, sweet, loving, and delicate. Much to her surprise, when she was visiting
the woman's daughter, the mother began to scream at her. I think some of us would be embarrassed if friends and neighbors saw how we act on our bad days at home.
I laugh empathetically at the scenario of a mother who is upset with her children and, in the middle of yelling at them, answers the phone-with the sweetest greeting ever.
We can control the way we react to things, and the goal is to make our private selves the same as our public selves.

If someone was sitting in your living room watching, would you act as you usually do with your children?

Put Yourself in Time Out

When you feel as if you might burst, try putting yourself in time out! Since I have four very young children, I do this rather often. I lock myself in my room (it is
important to remember to lock yourself in) while the children pound on the door, asking when I am going to come out. I quietly tell them I am in time out, and they
know that means serious business. The children will ask, "But, Mommy, what did you do? How long will you be in time out?" I just tell them I got a little upset and need
some time to feel better.

When you are losing your cool, put yourself in time out to dissipate your anger and frustration.

Plan B-My Backup Plan

On my worst days (rare but not yet extinct), when I use time out but am still grouchy, I go to plan B. This consists of several ways to give myself some quiet time. I call
a babysitter and run errands, or I have the older kids go to friends' houses. Calling another mother to have lunch at a play place is one of my favorite options. I can also
ask my husband to watch the children so I can have some time alone. I may also suggest that we all go out together, making the ratio of children to adults more
manageable. Also, staying positive is really important on these days. I repeat in my mind all of my blessings and try to focus on the good things in life. Naptime,
bathtime, and early bedtime are extremely effective yet inexpensive options.
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There are always more options. When I feel stuck, I feel grouchy. Make backup plans for days you need a break.
a babysitter and run errands, or I have the older kids go to friends' houses. Calling another mother to have lunch at a play place is one of my favorite options. I can also
ask my husband to watch the children so I can have some time alone. I may also suggest that we all go out together, making the ratio of children to adults more
manageable. Also, staying positive is really important on these days. I repeat in my mind all of my blessings and try to focus on the good things in life. Naptime,
bathtime, and early bedtime are extremely effective yet inexpensive options.

There are always more options. When I feel stuck, I feel grouchy. Make backup plans for days you need a break.

Toys in Time Out

Serena and Ashdon are only nineteen months apart and, not surprisingly, often have trouble sharing. We have rules about sharing. The first is that the children are never
forced to share toys that belong to them. Otherwise, they would not feel ownership of their possessions. The second is that a child cannot continue to play with
something if unwilling to share it. In that case, the toy itself will be placed in time out. I usually interrupt the noisy dispute over the toy and ask who owns it or had it first.
Then I ask, "Do you want to share, or would you rather put the toy in time out?" Many times our children will choose putting the toy in time out, which happens to be
on top of the refrigerator. Some days I have to clear the time-out area several times to keep it from being overcrowded. I try to remember not to go to bed without
releasing the prisoners from the top of the fridge. These rules have helped our children know they do have a choice, and the rules have worked miracles for our family.

Instead of forcing children to share, give them choices: "Do you want to share, or would you rather put the toy in time out?"

Summary

Time out has worked well in our home, not only for my kids but also for me. I love to go to time out for a little while. Having a time-out place for unshared toys also
gives your children choices.

Making It Work

Encourage sharing. Sharing is not easy for kids and is impossible for some grownups, but it is an important principle to learn, regardless of your age. Encourage your
children to share with one another. Have them switch toys. If they do not want to share, honor their decision and put the toy in time out. Praise your children every time
they share to reinforce the behavior.

Let your children value time to ponder. Growing up in a family with six other siblings, I was rarely alone. When I got married, I realized I did not like to be alone. I was
even afraid to be alone. I finally realized that time by myself is the time I can ponder, rest, and really figure out who I am. In the movie Sabrina, the heroine is
uncomfortable being by herself when she first arrives in Paris. She is unsure of herself and does not know who she is. Sabrina later states that she found herself in Paris.
When asked if she was lost, she replies, "Yes, I was lost." This was not because she was literally lost but because she did not know who she was. Like Sabrina, we
must find out who we are and who we want to become. Explain to your children the importance of time alone for you and for them.

Discipline with love. Keeping your cool as a mom is critical. If your children make you upset, cool down before you discipline. If you notice you're arguing with a child,
take the child to a private place, sit down, and talk eye to eye. When I make individual contact with a child, we work better together, and we will brainstorm better
solutions. If you have company, make sure you take the child into another room to talk about the problem instead of humiliating the child in front of others.

Family Teaching Activity 52: Sweet Tooth

Materials needed: One candy bar or candy for every two people in the family.

Buy one candy bar for every two people in the family. Get different kinds. Put all the candy bars on the table. Ask who would like some candy. Then ask who wants
what kind of candy. Think of ways you can divide the candy bars to be fair. Divide the candy and have everyone eat his or her share. Then ask the family what you just
did. Explain that when they share, they are treating each other "sweetly." Talk about the benefits of sharing and encourage your children to share with one another.

Scripture: Alma 36:21.

This is a versatile activity I use when teaching students of all ages. Our children particularly loved to share the candy. We actually used Runts and M&Ms and ended up
dividing the candies by color. Sharing candy has never been more fun.

Family Teaching Activity 53: Candlelight

Materials needed: Two candles and a match.

Light each of the candles. Tell your family that the light represents our testimony. Put the two candles together. Show how the flame gets much larger and brighter when
all the flames are together. Then pull them apart again and show how the flame is reduced. Talk about how sharing your testimony with others and your family can help
strengthen your testimony. Share your testimony and let each person in the family bear his or her testimony.

Scripture: Matthew 5:16.

Our children were amazed at the candles. Of course, they all wanted to take a turn lighting the candles, putting them together, and blowing them out. I asked, "Why
should we share the light we have?" They exclaimed, "So it can get bigger!"

Family Teaching Activity 54: Smarty Pants

Materials needed: Nineteen books.

Ask for one volunteer to play against you. On each turn a player may pick up one, two, or three books. The winner is the person who does not pick up the last book.
In other words, the person who picks up the last book loses. The trick is for you to pick up the second, sixth, tenth, and fourteenth books. The person who picks up
the fourteenth book can always win. This may seem complicated, but play a round and see how much fun it can be. Either you or your opponent can go first. Have
several people try to beat you. After the game, explain that you are going to share knowledge with them. Tell them the trick of two, six, ten, and fourteen. Talk about
how sharing knowledge can help them grow. Talk about your children's opportunity to gain knowledge through school, church, and home. Tell them the importance of
sharing knowledge with others, especially their knowledge of the gospel. Talk about the importance of the number nineteen, the age young men are able to go on a
mission. Explain how life might be without the gospel. (As in the game, we might always feel that we are losing.) Set a goal to find a family to share the gospel with.

Scripture:
 CopyrightProverbs 4:7.
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When we first tried this activity, our children wanted to do it over and over again. We played at least ten times. I told my son the trick, but he did not quite understand
the concept. Regardless of that fact, we play this game time and time again. To make it more fun, I began to challenge my husband in the game. I beat him several times
mission. Explain how life might be without the gospel. (As in the game, we might always feel that we are losing.) Set a goal to find a family to share the gospel with.

Scripture: Proverbs 4:7.

When we first tried this activity, our children wanted to do it over and over again. We played at least ten times. I told my son the trick, but he did not quite understand
the concept. Regardless of that fact, we play this game time and time again. To make it more fun, I began to challenge my husband in the game. I beat him several times
in a row, and he wanted to try to figure it out on his own. We all had a fun time talking about missions. My son and daughter want to go to Chile on a mission just like
their dad.

Trust but Verify

"Caution is not cowardly. Carelessness is not courage." -Anonymous

Trust but verify. That means you trust a person but will verify your trust through proof. How wonderfully refreshing! The idea is that verifying something doesn't mean
you don't trust the person. I use this principle often. For example, my son cleans the bathrooms and my daughter vacuums the stairs every morning before school. They
both know I will check their work. We have a lot of fun with this in our family. My son loves to check my daughter's chores. I even take it a step further. When I do my
chores, I have my son check my work. He can be a real stickler, and I love him for it. I figure we should expect the same from ourselves as we do our children.

Check your children's work. Then be a good example and let your children check your work.

Preventing "Liar Liar Pants on Fire"

"Trust but verify" helps children tell the truth. One day my son really wanted to go to his friend's house. I told him he could as soon as he picked up his clothes. Instead
of putting them away, he stuffed them all in the closet. I was suspicious and told him I was going to check his room. (Luckily, I can nearly always tell when something
funny is going on.) I found the clothes on the closet floor, and he argued that I had told him to pick up his clothes, not put them away. I used a teamwork approach to
the problem and helped him put his clothes away.

I have also taught this concept to teenagers when discussing conflict resolution. In one role-play, a teenager wanted to go to a slumber party. Her mother was worried
that they might invite boys over. She allowed her daughter to go with the promise that no boys would come over. How would the mother verify this? She called the
mother who was supervising the slumber party and made sure. If your children know ahead of time that you routinely verify, they do not feel undercut when you make
such calls.

Verifying your children's work when they are young will set a tone for their teenage years. Doing so builds trust through an expectation of truthfulness and responsibility.
Checking is not the same as not trusting.

Build Trust through Keeping Commitments

In general, the principle of trust works in other ways. For our children to trust us, we must be careful about what we say and do. One of my children went to a friend's
house but dilly-dallied around even after I called to have him come home. We talked about what his consequence should be. We decided it would be fair if he did not
go to the friend's house the next day. Well, the next day came, and of course he wanted to go. There were two things I could have done. First, I could have held my
ground and made my son stay home. Second, I could have let him go to his friend's house. The second choice may make you feel loving and generous, but it will lessen
the trust in your relationship. Once you establish a consequence, you must follow through.

When I work with at-risk kids, they usually have two complaints about their parents. One is that the parents are too strict and give them no freedom to make choices.
The second is that their parents threaten punishment but never follow through. They have told me, "I wish my parents were more strict." By keeping our commitments
as parents, we show love to our children. It is not always easy to enforce consequences, but it is necessary in helping children understand they can trust us.

Keeping the commitments you make as a parent will show your children the love and respect you have for them.

How Many Chances Is Enough?

How many chances should we give our children? That depends on the parents and the children. Here's a guideline that has helped me. First, I like to analyze the
thoughts of both me and our child. Did the child do something on purpose or was it an accident? Is it something I want stopped just because it is annoying me, such as
a sound the child is making, or is it something substantial? If I decide the action is something that needs discipline, I look the child in the eye and say, "This is your
official warning. If it happens again I will take drastic measures." I also give him a sign language W to signify that an official warning has been given. If a warning is given
and a second incident occurs, I give a consequence. Of course, if the child obeys after the warning, or after the consequence, I make sure I praise the positive
behavior.

Do I do this daily or by ongoing rule? For my young children, I like to start fresh each day so they can be reminded of the rules before they get into trouble. However,
depending on the circumstances and the age of the child, it may be appropriate to give one warning and then the consequence, regardless of the day. The scriptures
include many examples of warnings and then consequences from the Lord-a perfect model to follow. Our Heavenly Father follows through with every jot and tittle.

I told my son not to jump on the bed, which was his warning. The next day, he jumped on the bed, and I immediately gave him the consequence without an additional
warning. Then my son explained that he had not remembered the rule, and I believe he was in earnest. Most small children need to be reminded daily because they are
forgetful, just like most parents. How many chances does our Father in Heaven give us? Surely we weary him with the same mistakes over and over. We should
develop the same patience with our children but also give them a consequence after they have received a warning.

When my friend was a teenager, she would stay out late even though her parents expected her to be home at midnight. She never received a consequence for her
defiant behavior, so her behavior got worse. The parents decided they had had enough and warned her that if she was not home on time she would have to stay home
the next weekend. My friend did not believe the warning because the parents had never followed through before, and she came in late, as usual. When the next
weekend came, the parents were firm in making her stay home. She told me this was a turning point in her life because she knew that from then on her parents would
follow through. She was then precise about her curfew and would even come running down the hallway before the clock struck twelve so she would not be late. This
demonstrates two important principles that have already been mentioned. The first is that we need to give a warning. The second is that we need to follow through with
our consequences so our children can trust us. The Lord is bound by his promises, and he will never threaten with a consequence and not follow through, for he is just.
We should be the same way as parents.
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Our Heavenly Father is a perfect parent. Following his example is the best way to parent. Follow through, keep your promises, be loving and tolerant, and never give
up.
follow through. She was then precise about her curfew and would even come running down the hallway before the clock struck twelve so she would not be late. This
demonstrates two important principles that have already been mentioned. The first is that we need to give a warning. The second is that we need to follow through with
our consequences so our children can trust us. The Lord is bound by his promises, and he will never threaten with a consequence and not follow through, for he is just.
We should be the same way as parents.

Our Heavenly Father is a perfect parent. Following his example is the best way to parent. Follow through, keep your promises, be loving and tolerant, and never give
up.

Summary

Giving warnings and consequences can be enhanced with the "Trust but verify" method. My son will say, "Mommy, I finished my homework." Then I will reply, "Great!
Let me see how you did." "Trust but verify" is a simple concept that helps build relationships, discourages hollow promises, helps children be trustworthy, and allows
parents to be actively involved in their children's lives.

Making It Work

Analyze past successes. Look at some problems you have solved successfully in the past. Did trust play a part in their solution? Did you follow through with
consequences? How were you able to succeed?

Learn how your children think. Children have different mindsets. Sometimes, when they are in a dilemma about telling the truth or getting in trouble, they would rather
not tell the truth. If they do tell the truth, the parent needs to point out how great it is they can be trusted. One day I found a broken piece of wood from our bathroom
drawer. I asked our children, "Who did this?" I could tell by his guilty look that the culprit was my son. I said, "Connor, was it you?" He admitted his guilt and told me
the story. After listening to him, I realized it was clearly an accident, so I replied, "I appreciate your telling me the truth. The next time something like this happens, tell
me right away, okay?" He was relieved that he could share with me and I would listen before acting. Encourage honesty in all situations and listen to your children
before you give them a consequence. There may be more to the story than meets the eye.

Create the expectation that your children's words or work will be checked. If your children already know their work will be checked, they are more apt to do a better
job. If this expectation is created early in life, then they will not say things like, "Why are you checking? Don't you trust me?" Also let the children check your work.
This really empowers them.

Family Teaching Activity 55: Whom Can We Trust?

Materials needed: One picture of Christ or the Prophet and one picture of a movie star.

Show the family two pictures, one of the Prophet or Christ and one of any movie star. Then ask, "If the Prophet and a movie star were telling you two different versions
of a story, which person would you believe?" Explain that Christ and the latter-day Prophet will never lead us astray. (See D&C 1:38.) Talk about how sometimes
other people's perspectives are not in line with the teachings of the gospel, and they may try to lead us astray. (See Proverbs 3:5-6.) Ask how your family can be more
like the Prophet.

Scripture: 2 Nephi 22:2.

I used the analogy with Christ and a popular basketball star. My son instinctively said he would believe Christ. He wanted to know if the basketball star was a bad guy.
I told him some people do not have the gospel, so they focus on things of the world, but that does not mean they are bad. We talked about how sometimes movie stars
persuade you to buy certain shoes or other items because of the money they are given in the endorsement. Our real focus should be on Heavenly Father. We also
talked about how everyone is a child of God. We emphasized that one source can always be trusted: the Prophet.

Family Teaching Activity 56: Trust

Materials needed: Paper and pencil.

On a piece of paper write the following:

T =3D True to your word.

R =3D Recognize that others are special.

U =3D Understand how others are feeling.

S =3D Say it and then do it.

T =3D Talk about the problem instead of avoiding it or yelling.

Talk about what trust means and the different elements shown above. Give examples of how we can use each element in our own lives.

Scripture: D&C 11:12.

This activity was fun and sparked a great discussion on how to trust others. My son said, "Trust is telling the truth." He gave a personal example about a time when he
told the truth. He also talked about a girl in his class who had lied several times, pointing out that it is now hard to trust what she says. Children can learn about trust and
integrity when they are young, giving them a good foundation for the rest of their lives.

Family Teaching Activity 57: The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Tell the story of the boy who cried wolf. Once there was a young boy whose job was to warn the villagers if a wolf was coming. If a wolf came, the people would need
to protect the sheep so they would not get eaten. One day the boy decided to play a joke on the villagers. He came down the mountain screaming, "Wolf, wolf, wolf!"
All the villagers ran to their sheep and made all the preparations for a wolf to come. The little boy was laughing; he thought what he had done was so funny. When the
people found out there was no wolf, they were angry. But the little boy thought it was such a great joke, he decided to do it again. He came down the mountain
screaming, "Wolf, wolf, wolf!" Again the people believed him and did what was necessary to save their flocks. The little boy was pleased with his joke. Then one day
he was sitting
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                                                 wolf. He came down the mountain screaming, "Wolf, wolf, wolf!" But this time, the people did not believe him. He
                                                                                                                                                        Page   49had
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already lied two other times when there was no wolf. The people did not prepare their flocks, and the sheep were eaten by the wolf.

Was the little boy trustworthy? Would you believe what he said? When people sometimes lie, how do you know when they are telling the truth and when they are
to protect the sheep so they would not get eaten. One day the boy decided to play a joke on the villagers. He came down the mountain screaming, "Wolf, wolf, wolf!"
All the villagers ran to their sheep and made all the preparations for a wolf to come. The little boy was laughing; he thought what he had done was so funny. When the
people found out there was no wolf, they were angry. But the little boy thought it was such a great joke, he decided to do it again. He came down the mountain
screaming, "Wolf, wolf, wolf!" Again the people believed him and did what was necessary to save their flocks. The little boy was pleased with his joke. Then one day
he was sitting on the mountain and saw a real wolf. He came down the mountain screaming, "Wolf, wolf, wolf!" But this time, the people did not believe him. He had
already lied two other times when there was no wolf. The people did not prepare their flocks, and the sheep were eaten by the wolf.

Was the little boy trustworthy? Would you believe what he said? When people sometimes lie, how do you know when they are telling the truth and when they are
lying? Explain that when people lie, they get a reputation for lying, and people will not believe anything they say. Liken the story to your own lives or tell about George
Washington telling the truth when he cut down the cherry tree. Explain how important it is to always tell the truth, even if it means getting in trouble.

Scripture: 1 John 4:20.

This story is one of my son's favorites. We recite it many times a month at bedtime. For this activity, my six-year-old actually told the story and did a great job. When I
asked what we learn from the story, he said, "We should not lie." He talked about a little boy at school who tells people, "If you get off the swing and give me a turn, I
will give you $1,000." He said he got off the swing and, of course, the little boy did not pay the money. He said the swindler did this to his friend, too. The next day at
recess the little boy tried to do the same thing. My son was too smart for his trick this time and did not believe him. The little boy then began to cry and holler because
he did not get his way. This is a great example of a real-life "boy who cried wolf." I was happy my son knew how to apply the principle. I also cautioned him to never
believe people who say they will give him a thousand dollars.

Looking Back on What I Have Learned

"These are years when you probably do the most important work of your lives. Don't wish away your years of caring for small children. . . . I for one have never felt a
need to apologize for my role as a full-time homemaker." -Marjorie Hinckley

Toddlers are a challenge, true,

But patience is the key.

They smile and scream and holler,

Just as cute as they can be.

Sometimes I really wonder

If I'll make it through the day.

Catastrophes already-ten!

And one more on the way.

Is this my sacred heritage?

Teething, toys-oh, why?

I hear a noise upstairs and then

Three children start to cry.

Catastrophe eleven comes,

Then goes. I give a smile.

But number twelve? "Dear Lord, please no.

Just wait a little while."

The twelfth one waits till bedtime,

So the miracle is done!

The day is almost over now-

The end of all my fun.

The house is finally quiet,

And I hear the Spirit say,

"Just thank the Lord you made it

Through another toddler day!"

-Tamara Fackrell

The most important lesson I have learned is not to judge others. My friend sent me an e-mail that said, "Remember the days when we used to change our kids' clothes
right when the clothes got wet or dirty? Now they have to be really bad to make the change." Oh, how true!
Copyright (c) 2005-2009, Infobase Media Corp.                                                                                                            Page 50 / 88
Judging Others: If I Were You I Would . . .
-Tamara Fackrell

The most important lesson I have learned is not to judge others. My friend sent me an e-mail that said, "Remember the days when we used to change our kids' clothes
right when the clothes got wet or dirty? Now they have to be really bad to make the change." Oh, how true!

Judging Others: If I Were You I Would . . .

When I had only one child, I used to dress him in premier style. He wore name-brand clothes, a belt, shoes, and socks, and his hair was always combed. I would see
children that looked unkempt with mismatched clothes and think, "My children will never look like that." Boy, have I eaten my words, which were not fattening but
awfully bitter. At times I am lucky if my toddlers' onesies are even snapped up or they have on two socks the same color-never mind the pattern. And shoes? Forget it!
Friends without children give me lots of advice, because child-rearing seems so easy to them. I cannot wait until they get children of their own. The point is, most of us
do not fully understand our own families, let alone the circumstances of another family. I think we all try to do the best we can. Never say never, or the Lord will teach
you a lesson.

Once when my mom and sister came over for a quick visit, I told them about an experience I'd had. My niece had sent me an e-mail that said, "I'm holding Ashdon's
light-up sandals for ransom!" I had left the shoes on my previous visit, and this clue was the missing piece to my adventure the day before. I went to take my daughter
to preschool and drove by the newly opened library on the way home. I had been waiting for two months for the library to open because our children had checked out
several videos, which I still had. By some miracle, I had all the videos gathered, in their correct cases, and in the car. I had to take advantage of this opportunity, but as
I looked back at my toddler, I was not so sure I should. His hair was unkempt, and he was wearing a green, button-up onesie that was too small. The collar was
crinkled against his neck, and he had no shoes to wear. I had looked for his shoes before we left, but I could not find them. I thought, "Well, I can't just bring him in
barefoot, because he will have to walk if I carry the baby in the car seat."

I saw my oldest son's Pokemon Velcro shoes on the floor of the car and thought, "They are only six sizes too big, so why not?" I strapped the humongous shoes onto
our child's miniature feet. The bag of videos ripped open, so I had to balance them carefully on my baby's lap. I did not have an extra hand to hold onto my toddler.
We went down the stairs to the entrance of the library. A man looked at my son's shoes and said, "Wow, those are big . . . steps for a little boy!" I laughed. Once in the
library, I could not resist the temptation to check out some motivational tapes. As I selected some, my toddler momentarily slipped from my view. When I found him,
he gave me one of those looks and laughed uncontrollably as he began running in the giant shoes. He knew he would be caught, but he was trying his best to get in a
good run. When he tripped over the enormous shoes, the fun was over, and he threw a tantrum while I checked out, gritting my teeth. His onesie had come unsnapped,
and I held him under my arm, carrying my infant in the car seat with the other hand. The bag of tapes was on my baby's lap. The trip to the car was long and tiresome.
My arms were tired from restraining my toddler and carrying the car seat.

When I got to my car, I could not find my keys. It turned out that I had left them in the car, but fortune had smiled on my mishap, and I had not locked them in. With
my infant in his car seat, I started to drive but then realized that my toddler's car seat was not locked, so I pulled over into another stall. As I got out, so did another
mother in a beautiful red SUV. Her hair was perfectly combed, and her two adorable children had belts, Polo shirts, and matching hats. As she got out her posh double
stroller, she tried not to stare. My son was arching his back and screaming, determined not to be locked into his car seat. I knew she was thinking, "I will never let our
children be like her kids." But I was just like her when I had only two children. Someday that mom in the fashionable red SUV will probably have kids like mine, and
the cycle will continue.

As I finished this story for my mom and sister, I escorted them to the door. As I was waving good-bye, I felt something warm oozing down my arm. My infant had spit
up all over me. From the car, my mom and sister pointed at me, and we all began to laugh hysterically. Motherhood!

Before you judge others, remember how hard it would be to walk in their footsteps. We cannot see the whole picture from the little bit we observe. There is a whole
private world that is invisible to us but visible and in full color to the other person living the melodrama.

Keep Things Moving

The terrific-two stage is quite demanding, but luckily it does not determine the kind of adult a child will become. As I was getting exasperated with the spills and clothes
I had to constantly change or leave stained along with the crying and tantrums, I developed a twenty-minute switch system. Toddlers and older children like a change of
scenery about every twenty minutes. If the children begin to whine, it is a sign that they are hungry, so I feed them. Then we go outside or ride bikes or play house or
color. Changing activities often has really helped keep things manageable.

One thing I want to keep the same is to keep activities constantly changing.

Baby Tips

I always have to laugh when people say, "I slept like a baby." I think, "Whoa, that bad? You must have had a terrible night!" Finally, after my fourth newborn, I have
learned how important it is to let infants lull themselves to sleep. After I am finished nursing and my baby falls asleep, instead of quietly trying to lay him in the crib, I
purposely wake him up and have a small activity before laying him down. (I learned this from Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and
Communicate with Your Baby, by Tracy Hogg.) Doing this trains the baby early to put himself to sleep. Also, talking to babies from the very beginning helps build a
relationship of trust. I like to tell my little angel exactly what I am doing, when I will be back, and when I am going to change his diaper or clothes.

Being in tune with your newborn and all of your children is essential. Get to know them and how they handle things. When children are grouchy, that tells me they need
special attention, and I need to get in tune with their needs. I never want to just tolerate our children. I really want to know how they are feeling and how to soothe them
at all ages.

With my fourth child, I let him begin sleeping the whole night through when I started to feed him solid foods. First, I fed him a big bowl of infant cereal and then I put
him to bed. While transitioning at age five months, I had to sleep downstairs so I could not hear his cries and my husband stayed on duty upstairs. Ever since those
three crazy days, he has been sleeping through the night except when he is sick. It was a few hard nights but it was worth it, because now I have more sleep and more
patience in the day. I am not sure if every baby would learn so easily to sleep through the night, but this was my experience.

When I have young nursing children, I have a nursing basket to entertain the older children. This is filled with toys and puzzles that the other children can play with only
when I nurse. This has helped nursing become a fun time for the other children and gives me some semi-quiet time with my infant. When my baby turns one year old,
and he is ready for real milk, I rotate my food-storage milk by giving it to my baby. He loves it, and the cost is right in my price range.

Be in tune with your infant.

Providing Opportunities for Success
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I also encourage my children to be better. When our children are doing something I do not approve of, I say, "That's not like you. You rarely disobey. You must just be
having a hard day." This helps children realize that their negative behavior does not label them. (Remember, children are good 95 percent of the time.) It also gives them
an excuse of having just one "hard day" rather than a negative habit.
Be in tune with your infant.

Providing Opportunities for Success

I also encourage my children to be better. When our children are doing something I do not approve of, I say, "That's not like you. You rarely disobey. You must just be
having a hard day." This helps children realize that their negative behavior does not label them. (Remember, children are good 95 percent of the time.) It also gives them
an excuse of having just one "hard day" rather than a negative habit.

Another way to make our homes more manageable is to keep temptation away from our children. I love to eat Pop Tarts-the strawberry ones with the frosting and
sprinkles are especially tantalizing. I also know that Pop Tarts are not the most healthful of foods, so I decided not to eat them. However, my husband needs a quick
breakfast on the go, and he likes me to buy Pop Tarts for him. So I bought my favorite kind of Pop Tarts at the store "for my husband." Before I knew it, all the Pop
Tarts were gone. (You can probably guess who ate them.) Why did I do that, when I had set a goal not to eat them? Well, temptation was right in my face. It is the
same with your children. Keep them as far away from temptation as possible. Do not give them opportunities to get into trouble. My youngest son loves to push the
buttons on the computer and restart it time and time again. It's easy to keep him from doing so: lock the computer-room door.

The opposite is also true. If you want your children to succeed, provide opportunities for them to do so. I wanted my son to start picking up his clothes more. The one
thing I really noticed was his coats on the floor. I thought, "How can I make this chore easier?" I purchased a coatrack for a dollar, hung it low enough that he could
reach it, and showed him the process. If I had not bought the rack, or if I did buy it but hung it so high he could not reach it, that would have thwarted the opportunity.
Look for ways to help your children succeed.

Set your children up for success by thinking of small ways to make life easier. Spend a minute getting on your knees and looking at things from your child's perspective.

Getting Beyond "It's Not My Fault!"

As I work with at-risk youth, I ask them why they are in a lock-up facility. They always say, "It's not my fault." Their excuse? It is the policeman's, teacher's, friend's, or
principal's fault. The students do not even recognize their own part in the problem. This struck me so deeply that I have tried to better teach and accept responsibility at
home. When my two-year-old son got into his drawer and threw everything he owned onto the floor, I could easily have blamed the whole problem on him. Instead, I
thought about what portion of the blame was mine. First, I could have watched him closer to prevent the mess. Second, I could have put his clothes in drawers he
cannot open. Third, I could have put a lock on the drawer, if necessary. Whenever there is a problem, I try to see where I can improve. Whenever my older son says,
"But Mom, it wasn't my fault," we talk about his portion of blame and accepting responsibility for his actions. Taking accountability for your actions, even if it is only a
small portion, will help your children and you to be accountable and responsible.

Have your children take responsibility for their portion of fault when they are young. This will establish positive habits for later years.

The Magic of a Mother's Kiss

When children are hurt, I quickly go to their aid and let them tell me exactly what happened. Somehow just telling the story is therapeutic for little children, and for
minor injuries the tears quickly fade. When we have major bonks and scrapes, which may happen daily, we put ice or a package of frozen corn on the injury or put a
Band-Aid on it. When I first started doing this, my husband said the injury was not serious enough for ice. It did not matter. The fact that I was paying attention to the
problem and doing something that made the children feel better strengthened our relationship. I do not know if it was the ice or the placebo affect, but it helped our
children settle down after they were hurt. Of course, a mother's kiss can often make injuries better in a hurry. When I was younger, my mother's kisses always made
me feel better. I was able to feel the magic again a few months ago, but this time it was the magic of a daughter's kiss. I had a paper cut on my finger, and my daughter
kissed it better. I was amazed at the magic of a kiss. A quick kiss can heal because it is a transfer of love.

When our children are sick, I get them a "sick basket." This is a large bowl filled with fresh-cut fruit and snacks. This is one of the times they are able to eat outside our
kitchen and dining area. The basket helps them feel loved and special. Whenever our children are sick, the first thing they ask for is a "sick basket."

Giving special attention when kids are hurt or sick can help make them feel secure and loved.

Some Toddler and Two-Year-Old Tips

Sharing is not always easy. We established a rule that an older child can "trade" a toy with a younger one as long as the younger one agrees. When my daughter wants
to grab something out of my toddler son's hand, I always tell her to go find something to trade with first. Also, when my toddler has something he should not be playing
with, it is easier to "switch" with a toddler toy instead of just taking the item away.

My toddlers seem to be right at my feet all day long. I do not mind because the alternative is a long, mischievous silence that requires me to get up and search for the
mysterious children. However, when I am doing something that requires undivided attention, I will create a distraction for the children-movies, blocks, or food. As a last
resort, I will put the toddler in the crib. When my first child was born I was always afraid of letting my baby cry. On some days, I was even reluctant to take a shower.
Now I realize that sometimes it is okay to let kids cry in the crib, although that should be a last resort. In some cases it will allow you to get things done faster and then
get back to your child as soon as possible.

Another handy technique is to give attention quickly. Be sure to give undivided attention to your children when they need it, or they may try eccentric behavior to get
your motherly consideration. Often our children will ask me for things over and over. When I reflect on why they do that, I notice that I'm not giving them my undivided
attention. At this point I kneel down, get eye-to-eye with them, and spend some time talking with them. This also reduces tantrums with my younger kids. Whenever
they start fussing on the floor, I immediately pick them up and comfort them even though they continue to fuss. I also allow my toddlers who cannot yet talk to "show
me." They guide me around the house, pulling my finger and pointing to the things they want. When our children want to be held, I am quick to say, "Can I hold you?"
or "How did you know I wanted to hold you?" This lets them know they are loved and that the cuddling is reciprocal.

In our family, we call the kid's picnic table the "prince and princess table." The kitchen table is the "king's table," and the kid's plastic dishes are the "children's china."
We also have "tea parties," which means serving hot chocolate to friends. Placing whimsical labels on everyday items and events helps encourage a fun childhood.

I have tackled potty training by focusing only on the positive with my team players. For my boys, three months before their third birthday seemed to be the magic time
to start. I would switch completely over to underwear, not use pull-ups, and start them right on the big potty. I start the uphill adventure for an hour a day and praise
like crazy for success. I clean up accidents quickly and put a diaper on the child with a smile. Potty training is mostly the mom reminding the child to go every forty-five
minutes, so if I am too tired to keep up, I just put a diaper on the child. Usually when my children have an accident, I am partly to blame because I did not get them to
go on time. I try to focus on the positive, and I smooth over the accidents. I use a chart with a sticker for each success and a larger gift for the end goal. Before I know
it, poof, the diaper budget has disappeared (at least for this older child).
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Give attention quickly and let your children show you how they want to be loved.
like crazy for success. I clean up accidents quickly and put a diaper on the child with a smile. Potty training is mostly the mom reminding the child to go every forty-five
minutes, so if I am too tired to keep up, I just put a diaper on the child. Usually when my children have an accident, I am partly to blame because I did not get them to
go on time. I try to focus on the positive, and I smooth over the accidents. I use a chart with a sticker for each success and a larger gift for the end goal. Before I know
it, poof, the diaper budget has disappeared (at least for this older child).

Give attention quickly and let your children show you how they want to be loved.

A Home with Harmony

Another great tool is music. We have a song for almost everything. The "Clean-Up Song" has been especially helpful. It is easy to make up your own songs-just think
of some words and a tune or use a common song like "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." My clean-up song goes, "Clean up, clean up, we all must do our share. Clean up,
clean up, clean-up time."

We also have a song that helps our children feel loved. "Who loves Ashdon? Say I do." Reply: "I do, I do!" "Who loves Stirling? Say I do." Reply: "I do! I do!" We
continue through every name in the family. Another song goes, "Who does Mommy love?" Reply: "Me!" "Who does Daddy love?" Reply: "Me!" "Who does Grandma
love?" Reply: "Me!" This song continues with all the names you desire.

My husband's favorite song says, "A hard work is a hard work. A hard work is a real hard work!" Our children love to sing this song as we do chores. It has been fun
to bring music into our home. We have a pajama song and a potty-parade song. Most nights before bed, we like to sing a Primary song. Our children also love for me
to sing them to sleep. I make up a song that tells them how much everyone in the family loves them and about activities they do that I want to reinforce. The song may
go something like this: "Ashdon loves Serena, and Serena loves Ashdon. Serena loves to help Mommy in the kitchen. She shares with her brothers, is very smart, and
loves to jump on the trampoline." Children love music, and mothers should use music to their advantage.

Using music in the home can create musical and family harmony.

Summary

If you could go back in time in your mothering, what would you do differently? I seem to be learning more and more with each child and each stage. I try to perform
reflective mothering by allowing myself to become better through thinking about past problems and successes. Being a mother is such a wonderful blessing, and it is
never boring! I am always learning and trying to be better every day.

Making It Work

Look back on what you have learned. Think of the first time you had your first child in your arms. Reflect on things you have learned and how you have improved as a
mother. Congratulate yourself on your success.

Plan little activities to keep your children busy. At times when you need a little space, plan a little activity for your children, such as coloring, eating, or playing, that can
give you a little time to yourself.

Nip problems in the bud. Instead of letting problems go for a long time, address them right when you discover them.

Family Teaching Activity 58: The Hunt

Materials needed: 24 plastic Easter eggs, some jelly beans or other candy, and paper.

Put the following words or phrases on separate slips of paper: joy, praise, happiness, prayer, scriptures, family home evening, family, music, church, service, charity,
and kindness. Place each strip in a plastic Easter egg. Then hide the eggs in the room where you will do the activity. Also, place jelly beans or other candy in twelve
eggs and hide them in a different room. When the children come in for the activity, explain that you have hidden Easter eggs around the room and that they need to find
them. After they have found them, go around the room and read all the words. Then have each person in the room think of an experience that comes to mind when he
or she reads the word. Heavenly Father has promised us happiness if we obey the commandments. Being happy is seeking after righteousness. Doing the things we just
talked about are ways we can be happy. Congratulate your children on their good work and then tell them you have more eggs hidden in another room, and sweet is
their reward. Divide twelve by the number of children participating. Tell them they must each find the same number of eggs so the activity will be fair. Then let them eat
the candy inside.

Scripture: Alma 37:37.

Our children loved to find the eggs and candy. We had a discussion about the different words, but the kids were more focused on the candy. They wanted to hide the
eggs again and again. We all took turns hiding the eggs and finding the eggs. This was fun for all of us.

Family Teaching Activity 59: Music Delights the Soul

Materials needed: A piano, small keyboard, or other musical instrument (just use your singing voice if you do not have an instrument), and paper.

Explain that the family is going to get creative and make up a family tune. Compose the tune by allowing each person to add a few notes at a time. Have one person
start with a few notes. Then have the second person add on some notes. Continue until you have a little tune. If you want to get really adventurous, add some words.
They do not need to rhyme; just put in anything you want. Congratulate the family on making up a song. Explain that Heavenly Father encourages us to be creative and
to develop our talents. Also, he delights in song, and so should we. Talk about your favorite hymn and share the words with the family. Explain why this hymn has
meaning to you. Then have other family members in the family share their favorite hymn.

Scripture: D&C 82:18.

We made up a great song. Everyone took turns adding three notes at a time. Our words to the Fackrell family song were, "Can you play, can you sing, can you do
everything? I can too. Fackrell Family Rules, we will try our best. We work hard, and we play. Read our scriptures every day. Fackrell family rules, we will try our
best." We have made up many other family tunes with different words. Our children frequently ask me to make up new words to old songs. We love music in our
home.

Family Teaching Activity 60: Jelly Bean Madness
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Materials needed: A bag of jelly beans.

Tell the children you want to review many gospel concepts. Show them the bag of jelly beans. Tell them not to eat any of the jelly beans as they get them. Tell them the
home.

Family Teaching Activity 60: Jelly Bean Madness

Materials needed: A bag of jelly beans.

Tell the children you want to review many gospel concepts. Show them the bag of jelly beans. Tell them not to eat any of the jelly beans as they get them. Tell them the
family is going to brainstorm all the gospel concepts they can think of. This could include scripture stories, church words, or whatever. For every concept they come up
with, they get a jelly bean. After all the jelly beans are distributed, ask everyone to count how many red and orange jelly beans they have. Explain that they all have
different numbers, which is just like our knowledge of the gospel. We all have different experiences that help us learn about the gospel. Explain that the number of red
jelly beans they have is the number of jelly beans they need to share with someone else in the family. Then have them share. Explain that this is like sharing our testimony
of the gospel with other people. Then let the family eat their jelly beans. Explain that knowing about the gospel and sharing it with others can bring sweet pleasure.
Congratulate them on how much they already know and encourage them to learn more.

Scripture: D&C 136:28.

Memories are amazing when candy is involved. My son listed forty-three concepts, many of which were the apostles and prophets. My daughter had a fun time
reviewing Book of Mormon heroes with me.

Time: It's All We've Got
It's Just a Stage

"I'm not young enough to know everything." -Oscar Wilde

T ears of frustration and despair would run down my younger sister's face when my mom would do her hair in elementary school. The tears were not because she did
not like her hair done. In fact, quite the opposite was true. She would cry because she demanded the perfect hairdo. She would refuse to go to her first-grade class
unless her hair was impeccably smooth, with every hair in flawless contour. My mother spent many hours redoing ponytails to make her happy. When the siblings
would say anything, my mom would say, "She'll grow out of it. It's just a stage." She did grow out of it and is now so pretty she could do her hair with an eggbeater and
still look great. When I was four years old, I had a terrible habit of licking my little lips until they were raw. My mom would apply layers and layers of lip balm and
remind me not to lick them. However, I continued to lick them the entire year. But of course, "It was just a stage."

Give Kids Time to Grow Up

We often think our children's behavior is incorrigible, but the phrase "It's just a stage" helps us remember that some behaviors are not permanent. My second son, like
most other two-year-olds, is a triumphant tantrum thrower. He will get upset, stop what he is doing, and begin to howl. Then his chubby little legs will carry him forward
a few steps, and he'll throw himself mercilessly on the ground, always a martyr for his cause. The latest tantrum occurred when we were attending regional conference
in the Marriott Center at BYU, where Elder M. Russell Ballard was speaking. My son started bawling, so my husband quickly stood to take him out and end the
scene. But my son had a sandwich bag full of cereal, which he began to jerk back and forth. The cereal in the bag sprayed four rows in front of us and four rows
behind us. Naturally I was embarrassed and started to laugh nervously. The woman in front of me, who had five children of her own, said, "Write this down in your
journal. You'll look back on it later and laugh." After the meeting, while I was cleaning up the sugar-coated projectiles, the woman behind me, mother of one, said, "I'm
sure glad he's your child and not mine!" I thought but did not say, "So am I." I know it's just a stage.

One of our children was a biter when he was young, and a few of his cousins and friends returned to their homes with teeth marks. Recently a two-year-old visiting our
home bit my daughter. His mother felt terrible, but I sympathized completely-after comforting my daughter, of course. My son patted the two-year-old visitor, saying,
"It's okay. When I was two, I used to bite. You'll grow out of it." In a sense he was saying, "It's just a stage."

Realizing that children go through different stages can help us understand that difficult behavior will not last forever.

Treat Your Children as if They Were the People You Would Like Them to Become

When I was young, my mother always whispered sweet things into my ear at bedtime. She would always tell me what a special part of the family I was. This helped me
feel confident and loved.

Your children will likely become whatever you tell them they will. I know a mother who is constantly telling her children they are brats, spoiled, rotten, and terrible. It's
true, sometimes they are, but her labels only make the problem worse. Once I was talking to one of her little boys, who said, "My mommy is mean. She thinks I'm
terrible." How sad! Another example is a friend's daughter who has been labeled as having "an attitude problem." The parents reinforce her attitude by constantly
reminding her of it. Wow! This principle is true: Your children will become what you tell them they will, whether for good or for bad. Let's choose the good. When
someone in our family speaks unkindly about another person or themselves, I have them say ten nice things to make up for it.

I listened to a motivational tape by Diane Bills, who tells about being an awkward teenager. Now she can now look back at her pictures and laugh. However,
whenever the other kids were being mean to her, she would come inside the house for validation, comfort, and love. Her mother would always tell her how beautiful
she was, saying she was prettier than one of the best-looking girls in the school. Perhaps the mother was a little biased, but Diane Bills believed her mother, and she did
become a beautiful woman. Let's make our homes a safe haven for our children.

A friend reminded me that we should tell our kids they are smart. Every time my daughter is told she is pretty, I say, "And she's smart, too!" I also ask her things like,
"How did you know that?" The answer is always, "Because I'm smart!" Recently my husband told her how beautiful she is. She countered, "Yes, Daddy, but I'm smart,
too!"

Give your children positive labels to reinforce positive behavior.

Making It Work

How was your childhood influenced by the names you were called? When I was young, my Dad always called me Myrtle because I could not say my r's. I would
always reply, "My name is not 'Muddle.'" I reflect back on this as a great childhood memory. My mom always referred to me in a positive way. In fact, I do not
remember one time she called me a negative name. This helped my self-esteem develop. What are some of the names you were called as a child? How did they affect
your self-esteem?
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Be tolerant of different stages. I think if we know a certain behavior is not going to last forever, it is more tolerable. Both of my older children have gone through a stage
where they stuttered. I figure their minds worked a lot faster than their words. I did not ever bring attention to their stuttering but instead helped them occasionally to get
How was your childhood influenced by the names you were called? When I was young, my Dad always called me Myrtle because I could not say my r's. I would
always reply, "My name is not 'Muddle.'" I reflect back on this as a great childhood memory. My mom always referred to me in a positive way. In fact, I do not
remember one time she called me a negative name. This helped my self-esteem develop. What are some of the names you were called as a child? How did they affect
your self-esteem?

Be tolerant of different stages. I think if we know a certain behavior is not going to last forever, it is more tolerable. Both of my older children have gone through a stage
where they stuttered. I figure their minds worked a lot faster than their words. I did not ever bring attention to their stuttering but instead helped them occasionally to get
some words out. They did not feel branded by their impediment, and they both grew out of it. When children hit certain ages, there are different behaviors they are
learning that will come and go.

Encourage your children to implement the "ten to one" ratio. If your children talk unkindly to another child or about themselves, have them say ten nice things to make
up for it. Sometimes, we will say ten nice things about each other just to bring a sweet atmosphere into our home. Once my son said, "I am a loser." (I discovered he
had heard a cartoon character say this exact phrase earlier in the day.) I talked with him about the importance of having good self-esteem and had him say ten nice
things about himself.

Family Teaching Activity 61: Groovy Music

Materials needed: Paper, pencils, a blank cassette tape, and five different kinds of music.

On the cassette tape, record thirty-second clips from five different songs. After playing each clip, talk with your children about how the music made them feel. Did they
like the music or not? After you have played all the different songs, talk about how everyone is an individual and we all have different likes and dislikes. Then explain
how important it is to be kind to one another even when we have differences.

Scripture: D&C 25:12.

My son exclaimed that we all like different music because we are different! Our children loved to dance to all the different songs.

Family Teaching Activity 62: Put Yourself in My Shoes

Materials needed: Everyone needs to wear shoes.

Have each person put one shoe in the middle of the floor. Then, one by one, have family members pick a shoe that is not theirs. Have them try on the shoe. Does it fit?
Do they like the shoe? Have them find the owner of the shoe and tell their partner their favorite food, color, and game. Get back together and ask what their partner's
answers to the questions were. Talk about the adage, "You do not know a person until you have a walked a mile in his moccasins." Explain that it is important to not
judge one another even though we are all different. Explain how amazing it is that we are all different.

Scripture: 3 Nephi 14:1.

After having the crazy sizes of shoes on the wrong feet, we went around the room and asked each person his or her favorite thing to do. My son said he liked learning
about the gospel. (This answer was chicken soup for my soul!) My daughter said she likes to paint.

Family Teaching Activity 63: Handprint

Materials needed: Finger paint and paper.

Have family members dip one hand into the finger paint and make a handprint on a piece of paper. After each person has done this, talk about how amazing it is that no
two people have exactly the same fingerprint or handprint. Ask why Heavenly Father made each of us so different. Ask them how it feels to have a handprint unlike any
other. Explain the importance of developing individual self-esteem and respecting others' differences.

Scripture: Moses 7:32.

Painting the hands was a fun mess. We used wipes to get our hands clean immediately after. During the lesson portion, my son said that twins are not different. We
talked about how even twins have different fingerprints. It really is amazing!

Thirty Seconds of Silence and One-on-One Time

"In the fast-paced life that most of us lead, the simple concern of parents finding sufficient time to do the things they want to do is often a big problem. . . . The best
thing to spend on your children is your time." -Arnold Glasow

W hen your children are awake, how much silence do you have in your home? Any silence besides those foreboding moments of silence which indicate your child is
into something he should not be into? As an expression of thanks every day at dinnertime, we have thirty seconds of silence.

Thirty Seconds of Silent Thankful Thinking

When I was growing up, my dad had a speech he gave whenever guests came to dinner, usually missionaries: "In our family we have thirty seconds of silence to think
about things we are thankful for. Then I call on somebody to tell us what they have been thinking about. It is the only silence we have in our house all day." This speech
was cute and absolutely true. With seven children on the loose, our home had continuous clamor, and the thirty seconds of near silence was great.

Many families have a Thanksgiving Day tradition of expressing thanks. Our family has continued my parents' tradition of thirty seconds of silence every night. It is
enriching for our children to think about things they appreciate that day. My little girl's common responses are "my preschool, my Jesus, and my whole family." My son
is thankful for school, the prophets, nature, prayer, and the Holy Ghost. My two-year-old's expressions are mostly gibberish, but he always gets a turn. The kids even
answer for the baby, and I am usually on the thankful list. Expressing gratitude daily can help our children realize how many blessings we receive each day. Even on
days that are difficult and gloomy, they still come up with something.

Making thankful thinking a daily habit has helped us express precious thoughts as a family.

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Another wonderful gift my parents gave me was their time. They had a way of really making me feel special. In our family, on your birthday you got to be the boss all
days that are difficult and gloomy, they still come up with something.

Making thankful thinking a daily habit has helped us express precious thoughts as a family.

The Birthday Boss and Other Valuable Time Keepers

Another wonderful gift my parents gave me was their time. They had a way of really making me feel special. In our family, on your birthday you got to be the boss all
day long. Everyone had to do what the birthday girl said or risk having their own birthday privileges taken away. Of course, requests had to be within reason.

My dad would take us on a special birthday date. Each child would get dressed up in a fancy outfit and go out on the town. It really helped us feel special. There were
many other occasions when we had one-on-one time with our parents. My dad gave us each a priesthood blessing before school started, which was something special
I carried with me throughout the year.

My husband and I have done similar things in our family. I love to see our children get excited about being the birthday boss, because I remember how much fun it was.
In contrast, a friend who had been raised in a family of ten children feels that her mother did not have individual time for her, and this gives her great pain. Whether our
families are big or small, spending individual time with each of our children is so important. Even small investments of time given consistently can yield large and
miraculous dividends.

My husband also has a monthly interview with the children. Most fast Sundays he will interview each child to talk about his or her life, spirituality, and goals. Even
though our children are young, this has been a blessing for our family.

A friend who is a social worker told me that making individual time for our children is essential. She recommends taking a child on a special trip for his or her eighth,
twelfth, and sixteenth birthdays. The child will plan the trip and go alone with Mom and Dad. We hope these small birthday trips will create wonderful memories and
help us to spend time with our children to get to know them even better.

Family traditions give children roots. Having traditions also gives them something to pass on to their own families.

Making It Work

Send a thank-you note to a friend. I recently had a strong impression to write a thank-you note to a friend. It did not say anything in particular, just a general note to
thank her for her example and friendship. Later that week, I found out the friend had to go to the hospital for surgery. I was grateful I had helped make her day a little
better by sending the note. Think of a person who would enjoy a thank-you note from you. Write it and then be sure to address it, put a stamp on it, and get it in the
mail.

Learn to say little prayers of thanks. At Women's Conference, I heard Patricia Pinegar talk about prayer. When she was a girl, she was challenged to say a prayer each
time the bell rang. Between the tardy bells and the release bells, many prayers were expressed. The prayers were not long-just a few seconds to thank Heavenly Father
for a current blessing. Try to lift your thoughts to Heavenly Father; when you are thankful for something, say a quick prayer of thanks.

Show appreciation by spending quality time with each child. Children need to spend one-on-one time with their parents. Make time for this weekly. For example, you
could put the children to bed but let one stay up for thirty minutes to spend time with Mom and Dad. Or, when you are in the car with one of your children, turn off the
radio and talk. Every day after school, you could spend a few minutes talking with each child. If we can open up the lines of communication with our children while they
are young, the lines may never get disconnected and will have unlimited, long-distance usage for a lifetime and hopefully longer.

Family Teaching Activity 64: Why Am I Thankful?

Materials needed: Paper, pencil, and timer.

Brainstorm as a family what you are thankful for. Have one parent write down the list. Then review the list together as a family.

Scripture: Psalms 100:4.

We found we had many things in common that we were thankful for and a few that were unique. The family team concept enriches the unity of the family. The gospel is
at the top of our family's list.

Family Teaching Activity 65: The Ten Lepers

Materials needed: Bible.

Read the parable of the ten lepers. (Luke 17:12-19.) Talk about the importance of being thankful. Try to think of a current parable of the ten lepers. For example,
Mom made a meal for five people in the family. Only one said thank you and helped clean up. Talk about how you can give thanks to other people and to God.

Scripture: Alma 34:38.

After hearing this story, our children did not understand why the other people did not say thank you. As we talked about real examples in our home, they realized we
say thank you by our words and our actions.

Family Teaching Activity 66: The Light in the Trial

Materials needed: Paper and pencil.

Think of a trial your family has experienced or another person has experienced. As a family, think about all the blessings received during and after the trial. Mention the
twelve ways to overcome sorrow, disappointment, and depression listed by Ezra Taft Benson (Ensign, November 1974, 65-67): (1) repentance, (2) prayer, (3)
service, (4) work, (5) health, (6) reading, (7) blessings, (8) fasting, (9) friends, (10) music, (11) endurance, and (12) goals. Focus on how sometimes things we think
are trials can really be blessings because they make us stronger and help turn us to the Lord.

Scripture: Jacob 3:1.

My   grandmother
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                                                age of ninety-one, and as a family we discussed the blessing of her life upon us. Our children demonstrated
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as they reflected on how their great-grandma must be so happy to live with other relatives who have passed on. This trial has definitely strengthened our testimony, and
it was nice to talk about as a family.
are trials can really be blessings because they make us stronger and help turn us to the Lord.

Scripture: Jacob 3:1.

My grandmother recently passed away at the age of ninety-one, and as a family we discussed the blessing of her life upon us. Our children demonstrated childlike faith
as they reflected on how their great-grandma must be so happy to live with other relatives who have passed on. This trial has definitely strengthened our testimony, and
it was nice to talk about as a family.

Quantity Time and Quantity Play

"I used to think that God's gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in character the easier we would reach them. I now find that God's
gifts are on shelves beneath the other. It is not a question of growing taller, but of stooping down, to get His best gifts." -F. B. Meyer

B eing a mother in the new millennium is not easy. I find I have more roles than a circus performer, with a hard time balancing on the tightrope. I work a few hours a
week during the school year, yet I am still the team captain for all the children. Then I have my Church calling and the PTA and being a room mom, just for starters.
The list seems endless. Your list may be endless plus one.

After analyzing all my roles, I realize the most important ones are those of wife and mother. Last year I faced a big decision-should I work more and make more
money, or work less and spend more time with my family? Our family is balancing student loans, business loans, and our checkbook right now, so the dollar signs really
caught my eye. I had heard the rationalization "Quality time is more important than quantity time." However, for me, the clich is simply not true. It is easier for me to
keep my patience when I see the kids for only four daytime hours, but then I miss out on important teaching moments. Quality and quantity time? There is no such
distinction to a child.

Creating Mom Security

In second grade I had a sore on my chin. My Band-Aid fell off, so, of course, I called my mom. She immediately brought me a new one from home. I remember so
vividly that major Mom security. She was always there for me, no matter what.

My younger sister went through a phase where she just did not want to go to elementary school. Why? Because she missed our mom so much. Mom assured her she
would come if she needed her, but she also came up with an inspired solution to the problem. She sprayed a little of her perfume on my anxious sister's arm. Whenever
my sister missed our mom, she could smell the perfume and know that our mom loved her.

I want to give the same devotion to our children, which is why I have worked only a little since having children. So what if we have less money? Our children would
rather have me than the name-brand clothes. My brain is very active, and I have appreciated having something to keep my intellect busy, so I took a job where I could
work flexible hours, only a few hours a week out of the home, and have summers off with less pay. My job is more of a fun hobby than a career. I don't get to
scrapbook as much as I would like, but using my intellect a little during the week works for me. I know this solution will not work for everyone, but when the
opportunity came to stay home more, I took it. Set a goal to take opportunities that will let you stay home more.

We also need to work on our education, formal or informal. Education comes in many forms, such as reading books, taking classes, or finishing a degree. Education
can help prepare you for the five D's: disability, disaster, depression, death, and divorce. Some women are forced to work because of their situation. Still, we must do
all we can to stay home with our young children.

I shared my theory of quantity and quality time with a friend who worked outside the home. A month later she reported that her budget had miraculously worked out so
she could quit in two months. Now she stays home with her children full time, which has been a great blessing in her life. She told me that she gets up an hour before her
children and works out. This helps her feel energized and gives her some time for herself each day. This may not be the right decision for everyone, but it works for her.

Make your kids your top priority.

Taking Time to Giggle

With so many roles and demands on our time, it is easy to get lost in our tasks. Slow down. Take more time to giggle and appreciate nature. The one constant in our
life should be the Savior. Regardless of where we are or which roles we are balancing, we should always be disciples of Christ. Even at the grocery store, we can take
time to compliment the checker or produce manager. When I go to the temple, I usually make a special effort to say thank you to a temple worker. Doing so has
created many wonderful experiences, even some with tears of gratitude with the temple workers. When I notice something positive about another person, I always try
to say so. My mom has always said, "It is easy to find the bad in others. It takes someone with a big heart to always find the good." Similarly, my grandmother has this
saying hanging on her wall: "There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us, it hardly behooves any of us to talk about the rest of us."
Taking time to enjoy the little positive things about ourselves and others can help us stay focused and happy.

Take time to look for and compliment the good in others.

Creating Mommy Playtime

I noticed that even though I was home most of the day, sometimes I was not taking enough time to play with our children. Instead, I was using my extra time to
complete never-ending home projects. Now I make an effort to spend time every day playing and giggling with our children. I use this time as an incentive for the
children's nap. I say, "As soon as you are done with your nap, we will have playtime."

Just watching children play can be very enlightening. When I was making the decision about my job, I watched my daughter playing. She put her dolly on the couch and
said, "Bye-bye, baby, I have to go to work." I was still only working part-time, but it made my heart ache a little and helped with my decision to work less. Our kids
know if we are home with them or not. We have so few years to really make a difference in their lives. Let's be there for them as much as possible. I know it is a
sacrifice, but it is worth it!

When I am spending my extra hours at home with our children, we often play Protect the Princess, a game we made up. My daughter is the princess, and my sons are
the monsters trying to get her. Serena will run around the yard yelling, 'Protect me, protect me!" Once she is tagged, she is frozen until I touch her, and then the game
begins again. It is a wonderful variation of tag. We also play Candy Land or just sing around the piano. Another favorite game is I Spy, where the kids say, "I spy
something green." Then the others will try to guess what they see. Our children also love to pet the neighbor's kitty, make snowmen, have snowball games, or take a
walk.

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Activities for Fun
begins again. It is a wonderful variation of tag. We also play Candy Land or just sing around the piano. Another favorite game is I Spy, where the kids say, "I spy
something green." Then the others will try to guess what they see. Our children also love to pet the neighbor's kitty, make snowmen, have snowball games, or take a
walk.

Playing with our children is a great gift of motherhood.

Activities for Fun

I often like to share a morning devotional with our children. I call everyone by saying, "Morning devotional!" The kids come running because they love it! We sing a
song and say a prayer, and then I read a story from The Friend. Their favorite story is the "Prophet Portrait," which is a cartoon depiction of a story from a prophet's
life. After the devotional, I will ask them questions about the story and then try to help them apply the lessons taught. Sometimes we have a special treat after the
devotional to help wind up the morning fun.

Sometimes our children say, "Mommy, I'm bored." One of my husband's favorite sayings is "I am never bored, at any time or any place, for being bored is an insult to
oneself." When your kids are bored, help them make an activity list. Have your family brainstorm at least thirty things they enjoy doing. Then, when they complain about
nothing to do, you can get out the list. I always warn our children that if they are bored, they are saying they are boring, and I know they are not! Of course, if they
cannot think of anything after looking at the list, I tell them they can always do hard labor.

Time for fun is time well spent.

Children's Club Motto

Say the following Children's Club Motto in your mind: "I am an active member of the Children's Club. I will let myself and my children enjoy life. We will jump in
puddles, make mud pies, play in the gutter, lie on the lawn and watch the stars, go camping and swimming, and visit amusement parks, zoos, and city parks. I will be
tolerant of my own and my children's mistakes, play with imaginary friends, perform shows on the trampoline, lollygag, make up puppet shows, and find June bugs,
spiders, flies, worms, and grasshoppers. Together we will swing on swings, play in the playhouse, make up stories, run through the sprinklers, splash in pools, climb on
jungle gyms, and have squirt-gun fights. We are never too old to be children."

Sometimes I think, "I got nothing done today unless you count all the fun I had with the kids." So I started making "fun with the kids" part of my checklist. I have
learned that if I spend time with the kids, I get almost everything important accomplished.

Summary

Spending quantity time with our children is so important. We should also set aside time every day to share joy with them and play with them. When opportunities come
for us to stay home more, we should take them, if at all possible.

Making It Work

Write down things you enjoy doing with your children. Take time to think of at least ten activities you like to do with your children. Playing with your children can really
help strengthen relationships. Have games on hand that are at your children's level that you can play together or as a family.

Play every day. Find activities you enjoy doing with your children and make a special effort to play with them. Make a big deal out of it, even if it is only for five
minutes. Label your playtime in a fun way, such as "Mommy playtime."

Spend time talking. Playing is important, but so is talking. Most days when my son comes home from school, we spend a few minutes talking about his day. It's
important to establish good communication while your child is young so the relationship will continue as your child gets older.

Family Teaching Activity 67: Activity List

Materials needed: Paper and pencil.

Make an activity list. Have your family brainstorm at least thirty things they can do to stay busy. Explain how important it is to use time wisely.

Scripture: Alma 56:47.

Here are some of our family's suggestions from this activity:

Color in a coloring book.

Play with army guys.

Play in the playhouse.

Swim.

Make a snowman.

Play on the Slip n' Slide.

Make a snow angel.

Make shapes out of clouds.

Go for a walk.

Finger paint.

Cut out paper
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Watch a movie.
Go for a walk.

Finger paint.

Cut out paper and make crafts.

Watch a movie.

Play Nintendo.

Learn on the computer.

Play the piano.

Make up a song.

Make up a puppet show.

Play store.

Play "save the princess."

Blow bubbles.

Run in the sprinklers.

Swing on the swing set.

Practice writing numbers or letters.

Write a letter to someone in the family.

Draw a picture.

Play hide-and-seek.

Cut out the comics from the newspaper.

Read.

Make a slushy.

Make a fort.

Play in the tent.

Play dress-up.

Do a children's theater show.

Play with invisible friends.

Make popcorn.

Make orange-juice ice cubes.

Ride on a bike.

Pick flowers for mom.

Cut out pictures from magazines.

Look at your scrapbook.

If all else fails, do "hard labor."

Family Teaching Activity 68: Hidden Treasure

Materials needed: A stuffed animal.

Get two volunteers, the treasure hider and the treasure seeker. Have the treasure seeker leave the room. Have the treasure hider hide a stuffed animal. (Make it difficult
or easy depending on the age of the treasure seeker.) Call for the person to come back into the room. Start by chanting "treasure" very softly. As the person gets closer
to the item, say "treasure" louder; as the person gets farther away, chant it softer. When the person is right by the item, you will be saying "treasure" very loudly. After
the person has found the item, have him or her pick someone to go outside and be the treasure seeker. Have the original treasure hider choose a new hider. Play
several rounds. After the exercise, talk about the hidden treasures or mysteries of God. Ask your family to name some treasures of God they know about in the latter
days: temples, baptism, the Word of Wisdom, and so on. Discuss how we can discover the further treasures.

Scripture:
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We played this game as another family was visiting us. An adult helped the two-year-olds hide and find the treasure. This game is one of my daughter's favorites. When
we have guests over for family night, she always asks to play the treasure game.
the person has found the item, have him or her pick someone to go outside and be the treasure seeker. Have the original treasure hider choose a new hider. Play
several rounds. After the exercise, talk about the hidden treasures or mysteries of God. Ask your family to name some treasures of God they know about in the latter
days: temples, baptism, the Word of Wisdom, and so on. Discuss how we can discover the further treasures.

Scripture: 3 Nephi 13:20-21.

We played this game as another family was visiting us. An adult helped the two-year-olds hide and find the treasure. This game is one of my daughter's favorites. When
we have guests over for family night, she always asks to play the treasure game.

Family Teaching Activity 69: Talking Toy

Materials needed: Toy.

Sit in a circle. The first person holds the talking toy and must answer the questions asked by others in the group. Those who don't have the talking toy may not talk.
After each question the toy is passed to the next person in the circle. Questions can include, "What do you like about church?" "What is your favorite color?" "What is
your favorite dinner?" "What is your favorite game?" Teach the children to take turns and talk only when they have the talking toy. Talk to the children about how
talking as a family can build unity. Then, as a family, do one of the activities the children love.

Scripture: Moroni 10:18.

Our talking toy got sabotaged by our two-year-old. He did not want to pass it around. So we started using a different toy. I learned a lot about our children as they
answered questions I asked.

Time for Yourself

"The most important thing in the world is that you make yourself the greatest, grandest, most wonderful, loving person in the world because this is what you are going to
be giving to your children." -Leo Buscaglia

O n March 29, 2000, I recorded in my journal, "I plucked my eyebrows and painted my fingernails to offset my cold sores. I am very sick with a kidney infection. . . . I
decided to put on makeup. I cannot find my makeup. I don't remember the last time I used it because I have been sick for so long. So I used makeshift makeup
complete with blue eyeliner, pink lipstick, and purple mascara. I was thankful there was no sharpener and the purple mascara was dried out. The lipstick had been
previously devoured by my daughter, Serena, so I used a cotton swab to dig it out. When I finally looked in the mirror, I cracked up because I look like a circus
clown." This was an attempt to spend some time on myself. However, it was comically unsuccessful. I'm glad I looked in the mirror; if I had gone out in public, it sure
would have been embarrassing. When I get too stressed out, my body shuts down and I get sick. I have learned I must take time for myself or pay the consequences.

Getting Away from the Servant Syndrome

Do you ever need to get away from what I call "Servant Syndrome"? Sometimes I feel like I am always serving other people: our children, my husband, our ward-the
list goes on and on. Sometimes I spend very little time on myself. The "Servant Syndrome" usually leads to the "Poor Me Syndrome," which is characterized by
constantly reminding yourself of how much time you spend as a servant; how you never get to leave the house because you are now sharing a car; how in spite of your
efforts to clean the house by the time your husband gets home, the house is always dirty. "Oh, poor me!"

A friend who has children ranging from four to fifteen told me she was completely burnt out when it came to cultivating her inner self. She never thought she would get
to this stage, but she is tired and wearied by her role as a mother. She said she has spent too long caring only for her children's needs and not those of her own. She
also said she no longer really even has an identity, because the person she was before having children is completely lost. She did not take time to develop her skills and
talents and rejoice in her womanhood.

Take time to become a better person and to really love who you are.

Putting Yourself on the List

As my mom would say, "You have to put yourself on your list because no one else will." In other words, you have to spend a little time on yourself because that is
something no one else can do for you. I like to spend a little time on myself everyday.

First, we can get up and get ourselves looking pretty, smelling good, and in decent clothes. I have actually timed myself; after I am dressed, it takes two minutes and
forty seconds for me to look 80 percent better, with hair and makeup done! My niece and I actually call getting glamorous a "two-forty" because of the many times we
have timed our transition from totally unattractive to totally gorgeous. Second, I have quiet time. This is from noon to 2:00 p.m., when our children either nap or play
quietly. I entertain my older children with educational computer games. During this time, I decide on one mini-task I will do for myself. Most of the time I find that the
mini-task is doing something for someone else. That doesn't matter, as long as I define it as the "thing I did for me today." Some of my mini-tasks have included a
favorite hobby, such as scrapbooking, exercising, or giving service to a friend.

Next, I have learned how to effectively multitask, which essentially means doing two or more things simultaneously. The answer for me has been motivational tapes and
books on tape, which I can check out from the library. While I am cleaning, taking a break, or driving in the car, I will listen to uplifting and inspiring tapes. It has really
buoyed up my spirits and helped me continue learning. Also, I try to get a babysitter once a week so I can run errands, be by myself, spend one-on-one time with a
child, or do whatever.

Motherhood is not for wimps! I have had to find the right balance in my life to be consistently happy.

Summary

Spending time on myself helps me be a better mother. I am happier to serve our children, and I have higher self-esteem. We are each unique creations from Heavenly
Father. Og Mandino, in The Greatest Salesman in the World, reminds us, "Since the beginning of time never has there been another with my mind, my hair, my mouth.
None which came before, none which live today, and none which will come tomorrow can walk and talk and move and think exactly like me. All men are my brothers
yet I am different from each. I am a unique creature. I am nature's greatest miracle. . . . None can duplicate my brushstrokes, none can make my chisel marks, none can
duplicate my handwriting, none can produce my child." Let us always remember we are each unique and wonderful creations. The key to spending time on yourself is
to find a balance that works for you.

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Know your escapes. What kinds of things do you like to do for yourself? How much time do you spend a day on your things? Spending time on yourself is important,
yet I am different from each. I am a unique creature. I am nature's greatest miracle. . . . None can duplicate my brushstrokes, none can make my chisel marks, none can
duplicate my handwriting, none can produce my child." Let us always remember we are each unique and wonderful creations. The key to spending time on yourself is
to find a balance that works for you.

Making It Work

Know your escapes. What kinds of things do you like to do for yourself? How much time do you spend a day on your things? Spending time on yourself is important,
but it does not necessarily have to be away from your children. It is so easy to lose yourself in your children. Make sure you continue to develop your talents. Practice
an instrument, sing, or attend an Institute class. I have made a goal to learn several hymns a week on the piano. I spend about ten minutes marking all the flats and
sharps, and then I play it through at least two times. Whatever you decide, make sure to keep up on yourself.

Stay away from the "servant syndrome." Have you ever felt that you have the "servant syndrome?" Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Keep it in a place you can
refer to just in case you cannot remember who you are besides a mother and a wife. Make time for yourself and you will be a better mother.

Plan your relaxation times when your kids are busy or sleeping. I find it easiest to relax or spend "me time" when the children are napping or in bed. Strategically plan
when you will have relaxation time and then hope it works out. With sick kids and unexpected schedules, it may not. That's okay, just try your best. Planning time when
the children are occupied can really make a difference in the quality of your time.

Family Teaching Activity 70: Who Am I?

Materials needed: Paper, crayons, magazines, scissors, and glue.

Get a piece of paper and divide it into four quarters. Square one =3D Self Portrait; square two =3D My Favorite Thing to Do; square three =3D My Favorite Food;
square four =3D My Favorite Family Activity. Have each person in the family draw an item in each square. Alternatively, you can have them look through magazines or
ads and cut and paste pictures. Talk about the importance of knowing yourself, developing talents, and being unique.

Scripture: D&C 82:3.

Our kids' self-portraits were adorable: heads with legs. The children drew our family going to church, eating pumpkin pie and burritos, gardening, and playing laser tag.
These pictures were keepers for the scrapbook. Of course, my two-year-old had plenty of help from his siblings.

Family Teaching Activity 71: Orange Juggle

Materials needed: Six oranges.

This activity might best be played outside. Take the six oranges (balls or candies will also work) and stand in a circle. Have everyone put their hand in front of their
chest. Begin by saying, "I am a (Last Name), and I like (something you like to do)." I would state, "I am a Fackrell, and I like playing the piano." Then toss the orange
to someone else with his or her hands out. (You can roll the orange on the ground for younger children.) That person catches the orange and says, "I am a (Last
Name), and I like (something he or she likes to do)." Each person puts his or her hands down after his turn. This continues around the circle until everyone has had a
turn. Then you do a second practice round. Repeat the game exactly the way you did it before. Say the same thing and throw the orange to the same person. The third
round you do the same, but this time you start one orange and then another when the person you throw to has free hands. Keep going until you have thrown all six
oranges. It gets pretty chaotic but it is really fun, and you really have to pay attention. After the activity, talk about how life is like a juggling act. Talk about how to
spend time wisely. Ask everyone how this game reminds them of their own lives. How is it like the household you live in? Explain the importance of taking time for each
other, even when life gets busy.

Scripture: Mosiah 4:27.

I think the message went right over our children's heads, but they had a good time throwing the balls. They dropped a few of the balls, and we talked about how when
we promise to do something and do not follow through with our promise, that is like dropping the ball.

Family Teaching Activity 72: When I Grow Up

Have each person in the family say what he or she wants to be as a grownup. Each adult should name a talent or hobby he or she would like to master. Then ask,
"Whose decision is it if you are a (name their choice of profession)?" Explain to your children that if they work really hard, they can accomplish their goals. Talk about
what kinds of skills and education are necessary for the professions named. Talk about the importance of self-discipline, setting goals, and achieving them. Then talk
about your own profession and how you prepared for it. Finally, talk about your ultimate spiritual goals that will help you live with our Father in Heaven.

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1.

My daughter wants to be a princess and a mommy when she grows up. She is already preparing to become a great mom by learning chores, helping her brothers, and
sharing. My son wants to be just like his dad, a businessman. This activity was a fun way to see what early goals our children are setting for their future.

Time for Your Husband

"When we honestly ask ourselves which people in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have
chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand." -Anonymous

T he setting sun once again casts its orange and violet rays on the glowing horizon like a skilled artist. My husband and I are walking down a meandering gravel road,
holding hands and gazing deep and knowingly into each other's eyes. Romance is full as the rising moon and a candlelight dinner await us in a secluded mountain setting.
The meal is perfect, and the flowered china and fancy, gold-trimmed silverware add just the right ambiance to the crystal goblets and night of full etiquette and delight.
The true love between us is so strong you can practically touch it. On the ride home, we reminisce about days gone by and our wonderful romantic outing. A few days
later, a large white truck pulls into the driveway to take away the romance and delight. A shabbily dressed man walks up to the door and knocks. The handyman has
arrived to install our new television service!

My husband and I did go on a date similar to the secluded candlelight adventure, and our home had been television-free for eight months. But then we found out we
were hosting Thanksgiving dinner. The football games were imperative to the happiness of our guests, so I capitulated and we put television programming back in our
home.
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Love Is an Action Verb
My husband and I did go on a date similar to the secluded candlelight adventure, and our home had been television-free for eight months. But then we found out we
were hosting Thanksgiving dinner. The football games were imperative to the happiness of our guests, so I capitulated and we put television programming back in our
home.

Love Is an Action Verb

With kids, schedules, and television, who has time to foster love with a spouse? We need to make time! I mediate many divorces, and I have seen too many cases
where the parents were so focused on the children that somewhere in the mix they forgot about each another. Marriages that are not cultivated usually die shortly after
or even before the last little bird leaves the nest. When you have an empty nest, you'll still want to have your lovebird and be in love, so put your husband on your list
every day.

As I have worked with at-risk youth, who are usually hard to love, I have thought deeply about how to build good relationships with them. The secret can be applied
universally. If you want a person to like you, then you must truly like that person. The same goes for your husband and your children. If you want your husband to love
you, then truly love him.

Focus on your husband's strengths and do not nitpick his weaknesses. Rekindle your love weekly by constant love shown through your actions.

Fill Your Husband's Love Bucket Daily

Little things mean a lot! Learn how to fill your husband's love bucket. I believe that all men have two major areas that fill their love buckets: food and intimacy. If your
husband is grouchy, it is probably a sign that you need to fill his bucket. Becoming a great chef can help!

Women, I think, are a little harder to figure out. Sometimes we are not even sure how to fill our own love buckets, and it varies from hour to hour. If you do not know
how to fill your own love bucket, then no wonder your husband cannot figure it out! Some ideas for filling women's love buckets are gifts, talking, spending time
together alone, compliments, sleeping in, naps, hugs and kisses, and intimacy. Women have to be great communicators to show their husbands how they can be
pleased. One of the ways my love bucket is filled is through talking, so my husband and I have decided not to have a television in our bedroom. This allows us to talk in
our room at night with only little interruptions (that would be my children). When communicating with your husband, do not leave any of the details out.

My husband likes me to pack a lunch for him. I also try to make a hot breakfast for him at least once a week. If you have dinner ready on the table for your husband at
night when he gets home, that is a great way to fill his love bucket. I have my husband call me twenty minutes before he comes home so I can have an idea about what
time he will arrive. (For easy recipes that take twenty minutes of preparation or less, see the appendix.)

If you feel that your husband does not do enough to fill your bucket, remember this: men usually cannot fill women's buckets until their own buckets are full. Initiate
intimacy with your husband often. If he has to initiate intimacy with you, that is a sign that you should initiate intimacy more frequently. Be creative with romance. (Hint:
Wear silk or satin at least once a month.) Everyone should have at least one creative dating book for their home library, such as 101 Nights of Grrreat Romance, by
Laura Corn (or another romance idea book), and don't forget to star your favorites so there is no guessing for your husband.

If you are experiencing marriage difficulty, try this plan: Fill your husband's love bucket with intimacy and food every day for one week. Then at the end of the week go
out on a date without the children. After this week, reevaluate your situation.

I know many women who would like to improve the intimacy in their marriage. If that sounds like you, plan on taking several nights to figure it out. Buy a book on
intimacy, such as The Act of Marriage, by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. Because intimacy is what fills your husband's love bucket, it is imperative that you enjoy it too.
The more you enjoy intimacy, the more your husband will be satisfied.

Be intimate with your husband, and get him some food!

Communicate Communicate Communicate

Figure out your husband's love language and speak it daily. Figure out your own love language and communicate it directly to your husband. You and your spouse
definitely need to spend time getting fluent in the language of love.

Is your husband your best friend? My husband is. Some nights my husband and I stay up late laughing as hard as teenage girls at a slumber party. I truly want to spend
an eternity with this man I love! Take steps to communicate effectively with your husband. Ask him about details of his day. Most men will give generic answers to
questions like "How are you?" "Fine" is the reply. Ask your husband about details of his job and understand the dynamics of his profession. My husband has lots of
business lingo: MA, LOI, and EBITDA all mean something in his profession. I asked him the particulars of each item so I can intelligently talk to him about his role at
work.

Does your husband know how to soothe you? The only way he will learn is if you teach him and tell him step by step what you need. If you do not like something he is
doing, say so in a positive way and give him an alternative that would please you: "I like it when you _________ better than when you _________." Tell your husband
about your problems and encourage him to not try to fix the problem unless you want it fixed. A few years ago, if I had a headache, my husband would say, "Take an
aspirin." That was before he was properly trained. I just wanted him to say, "Oh, you poor dear," and I told him what the correct response should be. So now we have
a running joke in our marriage, and when he listens to his worried spouse, he will often say, "Oh, you poor dear" instead of instantly coming up with an obvious answer.
But husbands do not instinctively understand that women do not want solutions, and talking may be enough to solve the problem. Therefore, women should educate
their husbands about how they should communicate.

I talked with a friend who was having marriage difficulties. She expressed frustration about how her husband just relaxes when he comes home from work and doesn't
do his share with the children or the home. I asked, "Did you tell him what you just told me?" She answered with a no, fearing the consequences of telling him. Men are
not mind readers who can pick up on every subtle hint. Once our family was traveling to Las Vegas. At a stop in Mesquite, I asked my husband, "Are you hungry?" He
replied, "No."The insensitive clod. Couldn't he see that I was hungry? I was a little annoyed and thought about sitting in the car and pouting. Instead, I decided to give
him a clue: "Honey, I'm hungry. Can I have some money to get a treat?" He quickly got out his wallet, and then we were both happy. Don't make your husband guess
what you want. Instead, tell him!

The Savior said, "Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you. Agree
with thine adversary quickly while thou art in the way with him." (3 Nephi 12:24-25. )In other words, talk about your disagreements quickly and don't let your
problems get worse by avoiding them.

In a marriage,
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frank and give him an assignment with all the details. If you do want to leave hints, it is helpful to leave a decoder as well. I asked my husband, "If I cut out an
advertisement for Ballet Utah and left it on your pillow, what would you think I was hinting about?" I coached him and told him this would be a clue that I wanted to go
to the ballet.
The Savior said, "Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you. Agree
with thine adversary quickly while thou art in the way with him." (3 Nephi 12:24-25. )In other words, talk about your disagreements quickly and don't let your
problems get worse by avoiding them.

In a marriage, it is better to be straightforward, tough-skinned, and open. Instead of getting frustrated because your husband does not know how to help, be direct and
frank and give him an assignment with all the details. If you do want to leave hints, it is helpful to leave a decoder as well. I asked my husband, "If I cut out an
advertisement for Ballet Utah and left it on your pillow, what would you think I was hinting about?" I coached him and told him this would be a clue that I wanted to go
to the ballet.

I love the final scene in the movie Bed of Roses. The main character refuses her boyfriend's marriage proposal but then, after many months, visits him again, wanting to
rekindle their love. He doesn't respond, so she turns to leave. Then she turns around again and coaches him: "This is the part where you are supposed to hold me tight
in your arms and say, 'Wait! Don't go. Everything is going to be okay.'" Then her boyfriend says, "Oh, I was not familiar with the procedure" and does exactly what she
told him to do. This is a classic example of how to open up lines of communication with your husband: Tell him exactly what he should say. Sometimes, even though we
have lived with our husbands for years, they are still not "familiar with the procedure." If you are frustrated with something your husband does, you should approach it
with the TIP method as discussed in chapter 6. (For husbands, the thanking and praising done through intimacy works well, but be careful not to withhold intimacy as a
weapon.) Do not nag. The more you nag, the less likely he is to perform the task. Direct communication can help create a relationship of love and caring.

Learn to communicate openly with your husband. Do not present the lemon without adding the sugar (a small compliment of course)!

Walking on Eggshells and Making Them Crack

Another area I have had to work on is being less sensitive. Sometimes I am easily offended, and my husband feels that he has to walk on eggshells around me,
especially when I am pregnant (which has been most of our marriage). There is an easy, two-step formula to solve this problem. First, ask, "Did he mean to offend
me?" If the answer is no, try not to be so sensitive. Think how awful it would be to constantly be with someone who got offended at everything you said. You would
have to bite your tongue often, and friendship would be hard to develop. If the answer is yes, and the offense was on purpose, then you do not want to be offended
because that would mean the offensive statement worked!

On the other extreme, we should not insult our husbands, especially in public. One couple my husband and I went out with made numerous insulting remarks to one
another and then proclaimed they were "just joking." When one of the spouses was insulted by a jab, the other would say, "You can't even take a joke." Remember,
when you insult your husband or anyone in your family, you are insulting yourself, because you are all part of the family team. Control your remarks to your husband
and fill the gaps with love instead of joking jabs. Do not joke about things that would insult him.

If you want to be treated like a queen, treat your husband like a king.

Doing Things Together

Find events or hobbies you like to do together as a couple. My husband is an avid BYU fan. I, on the other hand, have always been only a little interested in football. I
decided we needed to have some hobbies in common, so I became a fan. I go to all the games, buy BYU paraphernalia, keep up on the statistics, and memorize the
players' names. My husband will often tell people, "My wife is a BYU fan now." We have a lot of fun sharing this hobby together. Similarly, my husband has learned to
love going to live theater performances, because that is something I love to do. Other couples water ski, scrapbook, mountain bike, do jigsaw puzzles, dance, or read
books together. Start a new hobby together and spend quality time with one another.

I did not realize how much a mission prepares a man for marriage until we started implementing some of the mission companionship habits in our own marriage. This is
a great way for the priesthood holder in the home to feel some sacred responsibility. We have implemented prayer, planning, journal writing, and scripture reading.
Every night we hold hands as we kneel next to one another and communicate with our loving Heavenly Father. We plan our schedules and talk about any concerns in
our planning meeting once a week. We also study the scriptures together. Currently, we are studying the book of Revelation with the help of a study guide. These three
ingredients-prayer, planning, and scripture reading-bring a wonderful spiritual closeness between marriage partners.

Have more things in common with your husband than just your kids. Develop hobbies and have fun doing them together.

Expect the Road to Have a Few Pebbles

Although I like to focus on the positive aspects of marriage, every marriage has its ups and downs. This is normal, so do not be discouraged and think you are alone
when those rocky times come. I am actually thankful for the down times because they usually bring a stronger bond between my husband and me. When my husband
and I do not agree, we use the famous line of my Great-Uncle Curly: "You might be right. But I don't think so." This is essentially saying we agree to disagree and still
hold hands. Have open lines of communication with your spouse so you do not have to deal with problems after they have become mountains. Instead, start dealing
with issues while they are still molehills. If you don't react well to conflict, recognize your problem and try to replace your usual reactions with positive skills of active
listening, brainstorming, and talking things through without being offended.

I have also learned it is important to keep adult conversations private, as they may include concerns about finances and major disagreements. Children can really get
frightened if they see their parents argue. I remember one of my friends growing up thinking her parents were going to divorce because of a huge fight they had. It
affected her deeply, even though her parents were not considering that option. Divorce is one thing my husband and I decided will never be an option in our marriage.
We will work through problems that come and never even mention or jokingly tease about the "D word."

It is good for children to see their parents solve problems together, so we must balance. (My friend told me her six-year-old is worried about money. Why? Her
daughter overheard a conversation about their continuing financial struggle. Children should be taught to be frugal, but they should not have to worry about adult
problems. Even though my parents occasionally had financial struggles during my childhood, I was never conscious of them. Thank goodness, because I am good at
worrying.) My husband and I are open about many discussions, especially when it involves the family. We discuss many family issues in our family home evenings and
do not sweep problems under the carpet. Whenever we get in a calm and controlled "discussion" in front of the children, we also make sure the children see the
increase of love and support, including dancing in the kitchen or a loving hug, which ends the conflict. Let your children see you and your husband working together so
they can model your problem-solving skills. If you are using negative methods to solve your problems, change them. Always show respect for one another.

Learn to communicate positively during difficult times.

Weekly Date

My husband and I often have a weekly date. Many couples complain that getting a babysitter is too expensive, but time alone with each other is important. I live for it. I
love the romance,
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marriage alive; instead, make it thrive!

I have found some creative solutions about babysitting. For example, you might go out two nights a month and stay in two nights a month. On your nights in, put the
Weekly Date

My husband and I often have a weekly date. Many couples complain that getting a babysitter is too expensive, but time alone with each other is important. I live for it. I
love the romance, and I love my husband. Every marriage needs an element of fun, and a babysitter is much cheaper than marriage counseling. Don't just keep your
marriage alive; instead, make it thrive!

I have found some creative solutions about babysitting. For example, you might go out two nights a month and stay in two nights a month. On your nights in, put the
kids to bed promptly and establish the rules of date night: No interruptions! Then you can watch a movie in a homemade tent, go on a scavenger hunt, eat a crazy
theme dinner, or watch the sunset from your balcony. As I write this, my husband and I are on a date of sorts. He bought burritos for our dinner, and he is playing
computer games while I am writing. As I finish a section, he reads it and offers suggestions. Not exactly pure romance, but he shows his love by his support. You can
also trade babysitting with a friend. And if you are lucky enough to have Grandma or an aunt who loves to babysit and lives nearby, you have even more options! A
weekly date keeps marriages thriving.

Summary

Keeping your marriage alive is essential even when you are dead tired while raising children. Start by filling your husband's love bucket and communicating your needs
directly to your husband. Demonstrate spiritual commitment together by praying, reading scriptures, and planning together. Have a weekly date and make a goal to start
participating in a hobby together.

Making It Work

Give your husband a decoder for your cryptic messages. Instead of hoping your husband catches subtle cues, give him a decoder by giving him detailed instructions.

Access the romance in your marriage. Any woman knows there can never be too much romance in a marriage. If money is tight, plant a rose bush (on sale they are
easily in the seven-dollar rule) so your husband can give you roses any time-at least while the bush is in bloom. Tell your husband exactly what you like and make him a
list. This list may include flowers, gifts, cards, love letters, and a daily telephone call just to say the endearing words "I love you." Remember that many men expect their
wives to be responsible for the romance, so if you need more of it in your marriage, coach your husband about what to do. Say something like, "I love you so much,
and you are a wonderful husband. I am anxious to spend time alone with you and would love for you to plan a surprise date for Friday. I hear the local theater is
playing The Sound of Music, and I would love to go to the Olive Garden. I will get the babysitter for Friday and you plan the date. Thank you for being so romantic."
Okay, maybe he still will not do it, but do not lose hope, because you could still plan the whole date by getting the tickets and dinner reservations yourself, and then you
will get exactly what you want.

What do you want to do? My husband has sometimes asked me, "What do you want to do?" and I have said I do not care and it is up to him. But secretly I'm craving
Mexican food and want to go to Caf Rio. I just want him to guess exactly where I want to go. When my husband chooses an Italian restaurant, which is usually my
favorite, I know his efforts are to please me but I am not giving him enough information. Women are sometimes hard creatures to figure out. Let's give our husbands as
much help as we can, because boy do they need it!

Hot Date 1 (Activity 73): Candlelight Dinner and Sunset

Materials needed: Babysitter, dishes and silverware, tablecloth, table or blanket, music, blindfold, candles, and matches.

The Asking: Start by creatively asking your husband out on a "hot date." For example, you might write him a poem on paper with scorched edges. Here is a helpful
example you can use or alter by keeping the rhyming words on the second and fourth line and making the third line whatever you desire.

To My Love:

How much do I love you?

Only my and your heart know.

You are the man of my dreams.

I love you from head to toe.

I love you as far as the eye can see-

Up to heaven and back again.

You were meant for me.

I would count to infinity

If numbers could express my love.

I want you for eternity.

I tell you with all my might.

Yet words cannot convey my love.

Will you go out with me Friday night?

The Preparation: Put your folding table or picnic blanket, complete with china and silverware, in the trunk of the car. (Wrap the dishes in towels so they will not get
broken or use the children's china.) Before your husband comes home, call your favorite restaurant and order takeout food to be ready at a specific time. Also write
your husband a short love letter to read on a romantic walk. Go to the place of the walk beforehand and hide the letter in a secret place, or just bring the letter with
you.
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                                                                                                                                                               be expecting
to sit down and eat. Instead pick up your takeout food and then go to the site of your candlelight dinner. Open your trunk, set up your beautiful dinner, and embellish
with your best china while he helps or sits in the car blindfolded. Eat dinner together and have some beautiful music playing either on a boom box or car tape deck.
broken or use the children's china.) Before your husband comes home, call your favorite restaurant and order takeout food to be ready at a specific time. Also write
your husband a short love letter to read on a romantic walk. Go to the place of the walk beforehand and hide the letter in a secret place, or just bring the letter with
you.

The Date: Tell your husband you are going on a date-night adventure but it is a secret. Together go into your favorite restaurant, where your husband will be expecting
to sit down and eat. Instead pick up your takeout food and then go to the site of your candlelight dinner. Open your trunk, set up your beautiful dinner, and embellish
with your best china while he helps or sits in the car blindfolded. Eat dinner together and have some beautiful music playing either on a boom box or car tape deck.

After dinner, take a romance walk with your husband. Walk around holding hands and then spot your romance letter. Ask, "What is that?" Have him pick up the letter
and read the endearing message.

After the walk, either go out for dessert, rent a movie to watch at home, or get some bubble bath!

My husband and I have done this, and it was a night full of love and romance. We got takeout food from the Macaroni Grill and had our candlelight dinner near
Sundance Ski Resort. A car stopped, and a man rolled down the window and exclaimed, "I do not know if this has made your night, but it sure has made mine." We
laughed and agreed we did have a wonderful night.

Hot Date 2 (Activity 74): The Romantic Getaway

Materials needed: Babysitter, money, and night pack.

The Asking: Call your husband on the phone at work.

Say, for example, "Hi, is Jacob there?" After he answers, use your maiden name and say something like, "This is Tamara Ashworth, remember me? I sat next to you in
church on Sunday. I was wondering if you were busy on Friday night at 5:00? You're not? Would you like to go out with me? I share a car, so can you pick me up at
my house at 5:00? See you then."

The Preparation: Find a hotel with reasonable rates and book a room. Bed and breakfast accommodations are always fun for this type of date. Use coupons if you
have them. Pack up for a romantic night at a hotel.

The Date: If possible, meet your husband at the hotel on his lunch break. Have candlelight fast food or a homemade lunch ready for him. After his workday, meet him
at the hotel again. Swim, go to dinner, read, spend time together, have a night together, and have a lot of fun.

For my husband's birthday, I booked a hotel room. With a coupon book, I found a room, near his work, for a very reasonable price. He met me there for lunch and
we had burritos by candlelight. I had arranged for a sitter for the day, so I slept while he went back to work. It was wonderful to get a nap with no interruptions. That
evening we went out to dinner and went swimming. I could not find anyone to watch the children all night, so we went and picked up the kids at home. We took the
children swimming that night and in the morning. It was a great rendezvous even though we did not get to spend the whole night alone together. The day at the hotel was
romantic and the evening was fun for the entire family.

Hot Date 3 (Activity 75): A Night on the Town

Materials needed: Rose, paper, babysitter, and money.

The Asking: Write a note to your husband asking him to go on a date with you. Leave the note and a rose on his pillow.

The Preparation: Purchase tickets to a local play, opera, concert, or sports event.

The Date: Go to dinner and then to the play, opera, concert, or sport event.

My husband surprised me without any hints from me and took me to the symphony. We both got dressed up in our fanciest attire and later went to dinner. He kept the
whole night a surprise, which was a lot of fun for me.

Tearning for the Spirit
The Temple Analogy

"I promise you that, with increased attendance in the temples of our God, you shall receive increased personal revelation to bless your life." -Ezra Taft Benson

O ne Sunday afternoon when I was expecting our third child, I was exhausted, and I lay down for a nap. When I woke up, I asked my husband where the children
were. He said they were playing downstairs. When I saw them, I could not believe my eyes! Connor and Serena had drawn with blue and red markers all over their
bodies. They really understood the concept of taking turns and sharing, because the markings were on their chests and backs, faces and toes. As a consequence, they
had to soak and scrub in the bathtub until all the marks were gone. Scrubbing was not an easy chore for them, but I used the experience to teach a valuable lesson.

The Body as a Temple

After this incident, we started using the analogy that our body is a temple. We explained that we do not draw on our bodies because it is disrespectful to Heavenly
Father, who created our bodies. This analogy also helps our children be modest when they are dressing. In fact, my daughter is a member of the "modesty police,"
telling the young women in our ward when they are not dressed appropriately. The young women always laugh, yet the next time they babysit they are dressed more
modestly.

Treating your body as a temple can create respect for Heavenly Father's beautiful creation.

Making Home a Heaven on Earth

We also liken the temple to our home. If you ask our children why we keep our house clean, they will reply, "Because it is like a temple." The prophets have told us our
homes should be like temples. When my son asks why he has to do chores every day, we give him the standard temple analogy.
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This same analogy helps the children not to yell at each other. When our children scream and create pandemonium, we quietly remind them, "Our house        is like65  / 88
                                                                                                                                                                   a temple;
we should not yell in it." I encourage them to quibble quietly. Of course, mothers must also be careful not to raise their voices. Whenever I raise my voice, my son
reminds me, "Mommy, remember, we do not yell in our family. Our house is like a temple." This helps me use the "whisper rule." When I need to reprimand, I try to
We also liken the temple to our home. If you ask our children why we keep our house clean, they will reply, "Because it is like a temple." The prophets have told us our
homes should be like temples. When my son asks why he has to do chores every day, we give him the standard temple analogy.

This same analogy helps the children not to yell at each other. When our children scream and create pandemonium, we quietly remind them, "Our house is like a temple;
we should not yell in it." I encourage them to quibble quietly. Of course, mothers must also be careful not to raise their voices. Whenever I raise my voice, my son
reminds me, "Mommy, remember, we do not yell in our family. Our house is like a temple." This helps me use the "whisper rule." When I need to reprimand, I try to
remember to whisper. Then the children have to listen closely, and I am less likely to raise my voice. I also encourage them to whisper instead of yell-usually to no avail.

Because we have a temple so close to us, I also try to drive near the temple whenever possible. As you know, many destinations can be reached through various
routes, and even if it adds a few minutes to my drive, it is worth the investment. We sing "I Love to See the Temple" whenever we pass it. I feel this is creating a
positive memory for my children about the importance of the temple.

When you look at your home, does it reflect who you are and who you want to become?

The Sacred Spot

In each of our children's rooms is a "sacred spot"-the place where they kneel every night to say their prayers. My oldest son was so excited about finding his sacred
spot that he insisted on having one in his room and in his sister's room, where we pray during our nightly routine. When it comes time for family and personal prayers,
the kids run to their own sacred spots. We discussed with our children the importance of having a place to communicate with our Heavenly Father. We also taught
them about the Sacred Grove and Joseph Smith's special experience of the First Vision.

Encourage your children have a special place to pray.

Summary

Treating your home like a temple can help the Spirit abide. Encouraging your children to find a sacred spot in their room to communicate with Heavenly Father can help
them realize that prayer truly is a source of inspiration and comfort. Your home should be a place of comfort for your children. Preventing arguments between family
members can create an appealing atmosphere. Your children can also be reminded that their bodies are beautiful creations of Heavenly Father.

Making It Work

Feed yourself the right "food." Ask yourself if your spiritual self is starving. Just as our bodies need food to live, so do our spirits need nourishment to grow. Listen to
motivational church tapes, devotionals, and so on. Consume a steady diet of the right "food," and you will treat your body and mind like a temple.

Keep a picture of Christ as a reminder. We all need reminders to help us keep thinking right. Keep a picture of Christ in your home and in your children's rooms to
remind them that your home is a temple. Let your children go to Deseret Book and pick out a small picture of Jesus. Go to a dollar store and get a frame. Then have
the children help find the perfect place in their rooms to hang the picture of Jesus. You may also want to get a picture of a temple as a reminder.

Make a goal to treat your home more like a temple. Make a goal to keep the house a little cleaner, to talk a little softer, and to pray a little more often. Our homes
should be like temples.

Family Teaching Activity 76: More Than Chance

Materials needed: Paper, pencil, a die, and an address of a temple or chapel.

Make up a key that says 1=3Dright, 2=3Dleft, 3=3Dstraight, 4=3Dright, 5=3Dleft, 6=3Dstraight. The goal of this activity is to get your family to the temple. If you do
not have a temple near you, you could use your chapel. Bring a die and a piece of paper with the address of the temple or chapel. Every time you get to a stoplight or
intersection with a stop sign, roll the die. Depending on what the number is, go that direction. Spend about twenty minutes playing this game, stressing that the goal is to
go to the temple or chapel. When you go in a direction that is toward the temple, cheer your team on. After about twenty minutes, find a place to park. Tell your family,
"Oh, no, we did not make it!" Liken this activity to trying to get to the celestial kingdom. If you let your life be led by chance, you will not make it. Talk about how it
feels to not reach your goal. Then talk about the things Heavenly Father has given us to help us find our way. Pull out your piece of paper with the temple or chapel
address. Use the map to go to the temple or chapel. At the temple, walk around the grounds. Find a special place to talk with your family about the importance of
getting to the temple.

Scripture: Matthew 16:19.

We did this activity with our Young Women, and it was a really spiritual experience. We were divided into several cars. In my car, we were cheering hysterically when
we would get closer to our destination. At the temple we had a fireside on temple marriage. We also did a similar variation for our children. We sat at the temple and
talked about how beautiful the temple is and the steps we need to take for temple worthiness.

Family Teaching Activity 77: To Eat or Not to Eat?

Materials needed: Two pieces of poster board, magazines, and glue.

Have the family help you make a collage of food that is good for your body and a collage of things that are bad for your body. You may want to also include pictures of
people who look like they treat their bodies like a temple and those who do not. Paste the pictures on poster board. Talk about the differences in the pictures. Talk
about how important it is to treat our bodies like temples. Tell your family that just as they need to have a recommend to get inside the temple, so they should only let
certain things into and onto their bodies. Talk about the importance of what they eat and how they dress.

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 3:16-17.

The fact that we were cutting and pasting was such an adventure for the children. They loved to find the different pictures and to use the glue stick. Our children loved
to talk about the good things for their bodies, such as apples, bananas, meat, and carrots. We found pictures of smoking advertisements, fast-food coupons, and
chocolates (although a little chocolate may be a necessity). The contrast was shocking. It was easy to choose which poster showed the things that were better for our
bodies.

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Materials needed: Paper, pencil, and church movie.
to talk about the good things for their bodies, such as apples, bananas, meat, and carrots. We found pictures of smoking advertisements, fast-food coupons, and
chocolates (although a little chocolate may be a necessity). The contrast was shocking. It was easy to choose which poster showed the things that were better for our
bodies.

Family Teaching Activity 78: Home Temple Recommend

Materials needed: Paper, pencil, and church movie.

Make each person in the family a special "home temple recommend." Have each child attend a "home temple interview" to qualify for the recommend. Ask questions
like these: Do you treat your siblings with kindness? Do you obey your parents? Do you keep your room clean? Do you talk with a soft voice in the home? Do you
allow the Spirit to dwell in our home? Do you feel worthy to have a "home temple recommend"? Discuss with each child the things he or she can improve on. Then
issue the recommends. Have your children show the recommends as they enter your family room. Show a church video like "The Lamb of God," "Families Can Be
Together Forever," or "Legacy." After the movie, bear your testimony about the importance of keeping your home like a temple.

Scripture: See "Temple" in the Bible Dictionary.

This activity was a huge success. The kids loved watching the movie The Lamb of God after getting their recommend. They found the movie touching, even though they
are very young. It was a great memory maker.

Family Best Friends

"Things are temporary; relationships last forever. Nothing can replace the time we spend investing in the life of another." -Roy Lessin

N anner, nanner, fanner, I got the toy!" Then the little rascal ran away. Even a family team has some "technical fouls" they need to work out. We have a standing rule in
our home: If you cannot treat your sister or brother like your best friend, then you cannot play with other friends. Our children know they are expected to be best
friends.

Empowering the Underdog

I help our children's relationships along by empowering the picked-on child. When one of our children is being teased, I will remind them of the "best-friend rule." Then,
the next time the teaser asks me for something, I say, "You were teasing your brother, so your brother gets to decide." Once Connor was teasing Serena, and she
began to cry. We had planned to go out as a family for ice cream later that night, and my husband quickly replied, "Connor, if you continue to tease, you will have to
stay home with Mommy while Serena and I get ice cream." My husband and I already have an arrangement that if a child is not behaving, one of us will stay home with
him or her. So we were not threatening with something we would not follow through with. We did not want to reward bad behavior, so this seemed like a fair
consequence if the teasing continued. I said, "Serena gets to choose whether you go or not." I reminded Serena that next time it might be Connor's turn to choose for
her. At first she said no-probably just because she could. Then she began to giggle and gave a big "yes."

Allow the underdog to even the score.

Keeping Friends in Perspective

If you nurture early relationships among your children, the seeds of friendship can endure through time and eternity. In high school I had friends who I thought would be
my best friends forever. I do have casual contact with them. We call each other when we are expecting a baby or have important news, and we send each other
Christmas cards. But the people I spend the most time with are my own brothers and sisters. They truly are my best friends. When our children cannot get along with
one another, I do not let them play with friends, because their relationships with their siblings are more important.

Help your children be best friends.

Best-Friend Siblings

During a visit to the hospital to get some testing done, I had an eye-opening conversation with a technician. After a few minutes, we discovered that we knew many of
the same people. Yes, we do live in a small world. I talked with him about his family, and he said he was not close to any of his siblings. He said, "I wouldn't exactly eat
dinner with them on Sundays." He was not really sure what his brothers were doing. I was so thankful for the relationship I have with my siblings. In another example,
my little sister was taking a college psychology class. The teacher asked, "How many of you keep in touch with your siblings?" She was one of only a few people who
raised their hands. She explained to the class that she has six siblings and talks to them regularly. The others in the class asked questions like "What do you say to all of
them?" and "How big is your phone bill?" She is thankful for the relationship she has with all of her brothers and sisters.

I also encourage our children to have best-friend cousins along with their best-friend siblings. Neighbor friends will come and go, but siblings and cousins will last
forever. The cousins have especially been important, as my daughter has begged for a little sister who has not arrived. I tell her she has cousins who can be like a sister.
It is nice to know our children have so many automatic best friends. A neighbor friend asked my son who his best friends were, and he automatically started listing his
cousins. Having early relationships with siblings and cousins is a great way to make eternal best friends.

One of my sisters was distraught because a neighbor called her daughter "rambunctious." This particular neighbor family was shy and quiet. I told my sister she cannot
compare apples to oranges. All children have different personalities, and with our gene pool, a shy and quiet child would be a rare, though not unwelcome, anomaly. I
assured my sister that my daughter would always be best friends with her daughter. We have unconditional love for every person in our extended and immediate family,
regardless of the stage they are now experiencing or letting us experience.

Cultivate best-friend relationships early in life.

Summary

If you did not guess by now, I got this rule from my own mom. She used to tell us we could not go anywhere until we were best friends. It worked for my siblings and
me. We are all very close, so I will always have six best friends to support me: my brothers and sisters.

Making It Work

Measure your relationship with the Lord. Take time to reflect on your progress in your relationship with the Lord. Think of ways to improve the relationship. What are
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fifteen minutes on your knees, even if you do not have anything to say. Wait for answers after your prayer.
Making It Work

Measure your relationship with the Lord. Take time to reflect on your progress in your relationship with the Lord. Think of ways to improve the relationship. What are
your expectations of the Lord? What does he expect of you? Do more than pray with words. Tonight when you kneel down, really pray with your heart. Spend at least
fifteen minutes on your knees, even if you do not have anything to say. Wait for answers after your prayer.

Make a list of good qualities you have. Focusing on your good qualities can help you be a better friend. Make a list of your best qualities and put it somewhere that is
easy to find. Help your children make a list of positive qualities they have. Post the list on your refrigerator. Do a small act of service for a best friend in your family.

Encourage your family to be best friends. Do not let outside friends or social agendas (dancing, soccer practice, recitals, and so on) rule your home. Make sure each
member in the family is being kind to one another and having a "best-friend attitude." Put a picture in each of your children's rooms that shows them with a parent or a
sibling. Update the picture often. If you cannot find a frame, just tape a picture to the wall or mirror. In my son's room is a picture of him and his dad. At the bottom I
noted, "Daddy loves me." This helps remind him how much he is loved in our home.

Family Teaching Activity 79: True Friends

Materials needed: Paper and pencil.

As a family, think of all the qualities of a true friend. Write them down on a piece of paper. Then have each person share what family member they think demonstrates a
lot of those qualities. Have each person in the family write a letter to another person in the family. Help younger children write their letters. Explain that being a good
friend is important. Have each person decide on one quality they will improve. Close by sharing an experience about how a family best friend helped you in a time of
need.

Scripture: John 15:13.

We talked about many aspects of friendship. Our family's favorite part was writing the notes. My son wrote me a note that said, "Mom, do you really like me? I really
love you." I wrote a sweet reply and saved all the notes for our scrapbook.

Family Teaching Activity 80: Hyrum and Joseph Smith

Tell the story of the Prophet Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum Smith. Explain that they were best friends. Even though Hyrum was older, he always loved and
admired his younger brother, who was the Prophet. Tell the story about when Hyrum and Joseph were escaping from the mob by crossing the river. Emma Smith sent
a letter to Joseph begging him to come back. Joseph knew he would die. He begged Hyrum not to go with him. Hyrum insisted and told Joseph he would not leave his
side. As they were being marched to Carthage jail, again Joseph pleaded with Hyrum not to come. Hyrum stayed with his brother and showed the utmost loyalty.
Hyrum was killed at Carthage jail when the mob attacked; soon after that, Joseph was killed. Talk about how Hyrum and Joseph were best friends. How did Hyrum
and Joseph show each other their love? What can you do to be best friends in your family?

Scripture: Galatians 6:2.

This story is one of our family's favorites. We decided we should "love one another and all that" to be best friends.

Family Teaching Activity 81: Fight

Stage an argument with someone in the family. Say something like, "I thought you were going to teach family night tonight." Then have the other person say, "You never
told me." Reply, "Yes I did." Continue raising voices a bit. Then yell, "Freeze." Ask the other family members if they think best friends would talk to each other like this.
Run through the same scenario, this time using the "let's talk about it" method. Offer the solution that the person will help with an easy portion of the lesson. Then talk
about how you should respect one another in your home. Ask, "What kind of spirit is in the home when there is arguing? How can we always be worthy of the Holy
Ghost?" Reiterate that you want the family to be best friends and treat each other accordingly. Make a list of things best friends do for each other and post it in a place
that everyone can see as a reminder of the expectations in your home.

Scripture: Mosiah 4:14.

My husband and I had a hard time staging a fight. We did not want to yell at each other. But the activity worked. Our children easily came up with solutions about what
we could do for one another.

Be the Example

"Success rests with having the courage and endurance and above all the will to become the person you are, however peculiar that may be. Then you will be able to say,
'I have found my hero and he is me.'" -Dr. George Sheehan

D o as I say, not as I do" does not show an example. One of the most important things we can do as parents is to be true examples. It is hard for children to see
parents doing something they have been told not to do. A family in one of my classes had a mother who was severely addicted to drugs. She repeatedly told her
daughter she did not want her to take drugs. We talked about how it is hard to have a double standard. If it is good enough for your children, it should be good enough
for you.

In our home, we have rules our children are asked to remind us about. One of those rules is eating in the kitchen. The dark green carpet in the rest of the house shows
every speck of dirt, so eating around the house really compounds the problem. Sometimes our children catch me eating outside the kitchen, but I quickly return to the
kitchen, knowing I cannot live a double standard. Using the excuse that your children can do the now-prohibited activity when they are grown-up does not usually
show consistency, with the exceptions of dating, driving, and voting.

Setting Expectations for Your Children and Yourself

If I want our children to be the best they can be, I must also stretch myself to be a better person. Make sure family rules apply to both you and your children. When
you break the rules, quickly go back to them. Then explain to your children that you are learning too, and that you appreciate their helping you.

My friend who babysits many children told me about a child who was constantly swearing. She shared her concern about the child's language with the child's mother.
The mother(c)
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                           Infobase     learning
                                      Media  Corp.such language and could not believe the words he was saying. Later that year, the mother discovered that her husband
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used vulgar language around the child, and the child was following his father's bad example. Children say what they hear. Sometimes our children mimic things I say,
such as "That was dumb." We need to be careful about the language we use, not just in front of our children but also in our daily lives.
you break the rules, quickly go back to them. Then explain to your children that you are learning too, and that you appreciate their helping you.

My friend who babysits many children told me about a child who was constantly swearing. She shared her concern about the child's language with the child's mother.
The mother did not know where he was learning such language and could not believe the words he was saying. Later that year, the mother discovered that her husband
used vulgar language around the child, and the child was following his father's bad example. Children say what they hear. Sometimes our children mimic things I say,
such as "That was dumb." We need to be careful about the language we use, not just in front of our children but also in our daily lives.

A dinnertime spat over who would say the blessing caused one of our children to storm off and forcefully slam the door. I went into his room to talk about the problem.
I asked, "Who did you learn slamming the door from?" The answer struck me to the very center: "You." I was awestruck when I realized that I had slammed the door a
few days before. I then explained, "Well, slamming the door is something we both need to stop doing. I will remind you if you will remind me." Being a good example is
crucial. Do not make excuses to justify your own bad behavior. When you are wrong, admit it, and set goals to improve.

Be an example to your children.

Murmur Not

Many mothers become unhappy with the amount of time their husbands spend away from home. My husband commutes and is gone long hours at work. He is also
gone many evenings and practically all day Sunday for his Church calling. When mothers complain about a husband's absence in front of the children, the children will
also begin to complain, following their mother's example. Supporting our husbands in their callings and occupations means we do not speak negatively about their
absence. When my children ask why their father is gone, I reply, "One way we show Heavenly Father we love him is by sacrificing Daddy's time. Heavenly Father will
bless our family if we don't complain when he is doing his Church calling." Then, when we receive blessings as a family, I point them out, saying, "Maybe Heavenly
Father gave us this blessing because we support Daddy in his calling."

Focus on the blessings of the different roles of husband and wife.

Summary

Creating an environment of love for our children can really help them grow. As mothers, we have the sacred responsibility of setting the tone in our home. If we are
positive and happy, our children are likely to follow our example because joy is contagious. Being a good example for our children is the first step.

Making It Work

Accomplish more than expected. When it comes to motherhood, go the extra mile. Put in extra efforts to make a great environment in the home. Push your patience a
little further. Use a soft tone even when temptation tells you to raise your voice. You will be surprised at how much you can accomplish when you set your mind to it.

Be the person you want to be. Ask yourself, "Do I set a good example for our children? What are the areas I can work on?" Being an example in the home is so
important. I talked to a friend who recently got married. She said she did not know what was wrong with her; she was acting so mean to her husband. She said she
would not like herself if someone treated her the way she was treating her husband. Sometimes we catch ourselves being a person we do not like. Stop! Seriously
repent and ask Heavenly Father for help. Then imagine that Christ is walking with you always. Be the person you want to be. Do not let your emotions or frustrations
take over your life.

Share experiences with your children about when you were a good example or followed another person's good example. Children love to hear stories of when their
parents were their age. Think of ways you have been a good example. Share these stories with each other. Then praise your children when they set a good example for
the family team.

Family Teaching Activity 82: My Reflection

Materials needed: A mirror.

Bring a mirror to family night. Have each person look in the mirror. Ask each person to take at least one minute looking at his or her reflection. Ask, "Who do you see?
Do you see God's image in your countenance?" (See Moses 2:27.) Then have him or her make some movements. Ask if the mirror follows the movements. After each
person has had a turn, discuss how we all reflect our heavenly parents. Share with them the promises we make at baptism and when partaking of the sacrament. (Take
upon us Christ's name, keep his commandments, and always remember him.) Explain how important it is to do the things Jesus does. Tell them even if we do not know
it, other people are always watching us. Other people may be like a mirror and follow the things we do. Explain the importance of being a good example.

Scripture: Alma 5:14, 19.

This activity was a sweet remembrance of who we are. Our children knew they did reflect heavenly attributes. They automatically told me it was easy to see heaven in
their reflection. As I thought more about this activity, I realized that Christ urges us to be more like children because they are so forgiving and inherently spiritual. I
reflected on how marvelous it is to have a touch of heaven in my home.

Family Teaching Activity 83: Follow the Leader

Materials needed: Timer.

Play a few rounds of "Follow the Leader." Let each person in the family have a turn being the leader. Set the timer and have each round last two minutes. After all the
rounds have been played, discuss how it felt to be the leader and how it felt to be the follower. Explain that sometimes we need to be leaders and sometimes we need
to be followers, and give examples (such as parent and child or teacher and student). Ask them who gave the ultimate example. (See John 13:15.) Share your
testimony about Christ's example and how important it is to follow him.

Scripture: Matthew 16:24.

We could not stop playing this game. The kids continued to play even after the lesson.

Family Teaching Activity 84: Winds of Adversity

Materials needed: Between six and nine rocks, some big and some small, and a plastic sandwich bag.
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Find six to nine different-sized rocks. The first rock should be the size of a piece of sand. Then each one should get a little bit bigger until the last rock is at least the size
of a tennis ball. Put all the smaller rocks in a bag so they will not get lost. Then get out the smallest rock. Have someone in the family come up and blow it off the table.
Then use a larger rock with another volunteer. Go through the rocks until one person cannot blow it off the table. Then ask for some help and have everyone blow.
Family Teaching Activity 84: Winds of Adversity

Materials needed: Between six and nine rocks, some big and some small, and a plastic sandwich bag.

Find six to nine different-sized rocks. The first rock should be the size of a piece of sand. Then each one should get a little bit bigger until the last rock is at least the size
of a tennis ball. Put all the smaller rocks in a bag so they will not get lost. Then get out the smallest rock. Have someone in the family come up and blow it off the table.
Then use a larger rock with another volunteer. Go through the rocks until one person cannot blow it off the table. Then ask for some help and have everyone blow.
Continue blowing the rocks as a family until the rock is big enough that it cannot be moved. Liken the size of the rocks to the size of a testimony. Explain that the firmer
our testimonies are, the easier it will be to be a good example, even when the winds of temptation and fear come our way. Discuss ways we can strengthen our
testimonies.

Scripture: D&C 122:7.

Even my two-year-old loved this activity. We blew many rocks off the table. With the biggest rock, everyone took turns, and then we all tried to blow it off together.
The rock was firm. We talked about how we can strengthen our testimonies through prayer and scripture study.

Early Gospel Teaching

"All I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother." -Abraham Lincoln

A family desperately wants to have the Spirit in their home and to have the guidance of the Spirit when rearing their children. They are asked, "Do you read scriptures
daily as a family?" The reply comes, "Well, we are just so busy with our lives. We do try occasionally." "Do you have family prayer together?" "My husband leaves for
work so early in the morning that there isn't time." "What about family home evening?" "We did try this, but our children are so young they don't understand any of the
concepts." Excuses, excuses. There are no substitutes for family scripture reading, family prayer, and family home evening.

The PJS: Prayer Journal and Scriptures

Wanting the Lord's Spirit but ignoring prayer, journal writing, scripture reading, and family home evening is like wanting cavity-free teeth without brushing, flossing, or
visiting the dentist. Even if you brush your teeth once a month or once a week, you will still get cavities. It's important to read the scriptures every day. That doesn't
mean you have to read several chapters a day, however. Set a goal to read at least one verse a day for personal scripture reading and one verse a day as a family. You
should usually exceed that goal, but the idea is to get into the habit. A friend told me how hard it was to read the scriptures with young children. Her husband ends up
yelling at the kids to keep still, and all the children start crying. The father now refuses to read scriptures with the family because he does not feel like the children get
anything out of the experience. Our family has experienced many of those same nights with wiggly, crying children. But our expectation is that when they look back on
their childhood, even though they do not remember all the lessons learned, they will be able to say, "Our family read the scriptures together."

We are now reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish, so our children really do not understand much. But our children will not let us miss a single night of scripture
reading. On a night we forgot, my daughter jumped out of bed and exclaimed, "Mommy, we did not have scriptures!" Scripture reading is important to our kids. To
help them stay attentive, my husband quickly scans the passages and picks out a word that is repeated several times. He then tells the kids to listen for the word and to
raise their hands every time the word is said. They love to listen conscientiously for the word. My husband admitted to me that he sometimes adds the word in the
passages just to make reading a little more fun. After we read the scriptures, we explain to the children the essence of the message and talk about how it applies in our
own family.

Set a goal to pray on your knees twice a day and at least once with your children. (And pray in your mind continually throughout the day.) One of the girls I taught in
Young Women associates brushing her teeth with saying her prayers. She will not brush her teeth unless she has knelt down to pray. She says she is really sorry on the
days she does not kneel down to pray because not only has she not prayed but she has also not brushed her teeth. She rarely misses two times in a day. I also try to
write in my journal at least once a week and sometimes daily.

Take the PJS (Prayer, Journal, Scripture) challenge of one verse of scriptures and two prayers on your knees daily-also a weekly journal entry. Make lifetime habits of
prayer, journal writing, and reading the scriptures.

Family Home Evening

For family home evening, set a goal to spend at least ten minutes with a spiritual thought, song, and prayer. Nearly every family can do that. Make family goals simple
so the team can accomplish them. Do not give up. For some mothers this is hard because they have to institute the spiritual things in their home all by themselves. I have
a friend in this situation, and she laments that she just cannot do everything. Do not get discouraged; have family home evening. Set little goals. I figure if the hours are
going to pass anyway, we might as well spend a little time with the Lord. If you read one scripture a day, pray three times a day, and have ten minutes of family home
evening a week, you will spend a minimum of thirty minutes a week with the Lord. Considering there are 10,080 minutes in a week, that is not giving much. Commit to
at least thirty minutes a week, and do more if you can! Develop good spiritual habits, because we are not going to get to heaven through one large heroic act. The
pathway has small stepping-stones that need to be walked consistently. We have to do our part, and the Lord has promised that then he will do his part. (See D&C
82:10.)

Family home evening is also a great time to hold a family council. We discuss different issues as a family, having everyone participate and give ideas, and then we vote.
Sometimes I do some heavy campaigning and hire a lobbyist (usually Grandma or Grandpa) before the vote. If there is something you are going to implement as
parents, it is important to get your children's sustaining vote of support. Family council helps children feel like a valued part of the family.

Family home evening is where the fun and learning begin and never end.

Nuggets of Gold with Gospel Teaching

Each day presents opportunities to teach our children about the gospel. One day my nephew was playing with my son, and they came running into the house exclaiming,
"You won't believe this! Our neighbor smokes!" I explained that we should not judge people, and that our neighbor needs us to be a good example so he might become
interested in the Church. I also told them that just because people smoke does not mean they are bad in other areas of life. And, of course, I also explained the
importance of not smoking.

Once Connor asked me, "When is Jesus going to come again?" Another time he asked, "Mommy, how do I get the power of God like Nephi had?" Questions like
these are golden opportunities that we must not pass up.
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Explain to your family how the Holy Ghost works. Once Connor wanted to play at a friend's house while I went to the grocery store. I really did not have     a good
feeling about it. I told him he needed to come with me because I had a bad feeling about it. Instead of complaining, he said that maybe it was Jesus telling me that he
needed to go with me.
Once Connor asked me, "When is Jesus going to come again?" Another time he asked, "Mommy, how do I get the power of God like Nephi had?" Questions like
these are golden opportunities that we must not pass up.

Explain to your family how the Holy Ghost works. Once Connor wanted to play at a friend's house while I went to the grocery store. I really did not have a good
feeling about it. I told him he needed to come with me because I had a bad feeling about it. Instead of complaining, he said that maybe it was Jesus telling me that he
needed to go with me.

Children are naturally spiritual. We can help them improve their spirituality by explaining the gospel to them in simple terms. We say family prayer morning and night,
and my son already has a real testimony about it. The first time he relied on the Lord was when he lost his favorite pair of Hot Wheel shoes. He said, "I know, we will
say a prayer." He got down on his knees and prayed earnestly. I frantically started looking for the shoes! I was not going to let my little boy down. I wanted his prayer
to be answered. Much to my dismay, I did not find them. But he did! After he found the shoes, we knelt together and said a prayer of thanks.

My son has had similar experiences with looking for the television remote control, finding a friend's special toy, getting a movie out of a broken VCR, and asking for his
little brother to get well. The most recent experience occurred when we got a plastic cup stuck down the garbage disposal. The cup was just the right size to go down
but did not want to come up. I told Connor he could be my assistant to help me get it out. We worked on it for about twenty minutes, all to no avail. Finally my
husband came home and started working on the problem. Connor then said, "Oh, wow! I have a solution. Let's say a prayer." Connor offered the prayer. Jacob and
Connor went outside to get some pliers. While they were outside, the cup turned in just the right direction, and I got it out. When they came inside and saw I was
holding the cup, Connor was awestruck and said, "My prayer worked!" We then gave a prayer of thanks.

My son often tells me he cannot wait until he gets married. I always ask, "What do you have to do first?" He enthusiastically replies, "Go on a mission!" We then ask
him where he wants to go. We have also taken our children to the temple grounds and shared our testimonies with them. During a recent family home evening, we let
our six-year-old and our four-year-old practice bearing their testimonies.

I'm amazed at the concepts children can grasp when they are young. For example, my six-year-old can name all the prophets and current apostles when he sees their
pictures. We have a prophet and apostle book that he looks at during sacrament meeting. He knows them better than I do. I have just started to teach my daughter the
apostles' names and faces.

I ask our children's Primary teachers for a copy of the contents page from their lesson books, and we coordinate our family teaching with what the kids are learning at
Primary. There are many ways to teach children while they are young, and they are never too young to start learning about the gospel. For example, my sister insists on
not allowing her ten-month-old to wear anything immodest. She says, "If you do not start now, when is a good time to start?"

Jump on the opportunities that come to teach your kids the truths and principles of the gospel.

Summary

Early gospel teaching sets a core foundation for our children's spirituality. Mothers should carefully begin molding their children when they are young. We can begin by
having family home evening, family prayer, and family scripture study. Get involved with your child's Primary lessons. Ask them questions and take time to teach them
about the gospel. Last year when it snowed, I explained to my son about how if we repent, our sins can be white as snow. Later when it snowed again, my son
commented how the snow is like repented sins. There are so many opportunities to teach our children. Start today.

Making It Work

Find three ways to improve. Setting goals helps you improve. Find three ways you can improve spirituality in the home and write them down. Do a little research with
your family and see what they would like to improve on. Then spend the effort to accomplish your goals. During Christmas, every person in our family gives three gifts
to Jesus, just as the wise men did. Then we put these presents in a bag and look at them the following December, which gives us a few weeks to complete the goals.
Last year my goals included writing in my journal, reading the scriptures, and going off chocolate for self-mastery. I am happy to report that all the gifts given were
accomplished.

Keep your eyes open. We see great lessons around us all the time. The Ensign and other Church magazines always have great ideas. When you see a good object
lesson or learning experience, instead of just thinking it was neat, take it home and teach the lesson to your children. If you keep your eyes open, you will see many
opportunities to teach. When I looked up at my kids' bunk bed one night, I could not miss the opportunity to act out the scenario of Nephi praying on the tower and
being falsely accused of murder. (Helaman 8.) We used the closet as the jail and read the story from the Book of Mormon Children's Reader, acting the story out
frame by frame. This helped my children have the story come alive, and they ask again and again to act out stories from the scriptures.

Review what was learned in church each week. A wonderful time to reiterate gospel teaching is after church. At dinner on Sunday or at other appropriate times,
discuss with your children what they learned in church. Then you may want to share personal experiences you have had about those subjects. Catch this opportunity
each week and always be looking for more.

Family Teaching Activity 85: Dirt in Pretty Packages

Materials needed: Tupperware dish, dirt, Book of Mormon, paper bag, wrapping paper and bow.

Get a square Tupperware dish with a lid. Put some dirt in the Tupperware, and put the lid on it. Then wrap up the Tupperware in beautiful wrapping paper with a bow.
Then wrap your scriptures in a brown paper sack. At the beginning of the lesson, show each of the packages to the family. Ask them if they could choose one of the
gifts, which would it be and why? Then have one person open each of the gifts. Talk about what is inside. Ask them if they are surprised. Then explain how sometimes
dirt comes in pretty packages. Talk about ways Satan disguises "dirt." Have a discussion about movies, television, Nintendo Games, movie stars, or anything else
appropriate. Then talk about how God's plan is plain and simple and easy to follow. Bear your testimony about the truthfulness of the gospel.

Scripture: 2 Nephi 28:21.

Our children were surprised to find the dirt in the package. They asked me why I wrapped it, saying that the dirt made them sad. We applied this concept to a
computer game my son borrowed that took the Lord's name in vain. We decided quickly to return the game and not play it. What a great application for our family.

Family Teaching Activity 86: Ice Cream Sunday

Materials needed: Ice cream, two bowls, a banana, chocolate syrup, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, and a spoon.
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Get two bowls and put some ice cream in them. Show everyone each of the ice cream bowls. In the first bowl, top the ice cream with bananas, chocolate syrup, and
other appropriate toppings. Ask a child if he or she would like to taste it. Ask the person how it tastes. In the second bowl, top the ice cream with mayonnaise,
mustard, and ketchup. Ask if anyone would like to taste this ice cream. Then ask if mustard and ketchup taste good on hot dogs or if mayonnaise and mustard are
Family Teaching Activity 86: Ice Cream Sunday

Materials needed: Ice cream, two bowls, a banana, chocolate syrup, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, and a spoon.

Get two bowls and put some ice cream in them. Show everyone each of the ice cream bowls. In the first bowl, top the ice cream with bananas, chocolate syrup, and
other appropriate toppings. Ask a child if he or she would like to taste it. Ask the person how it tastes. In the second bowl, top the ice cream with mayonnaise,
mustard, and ketchup. Ask if anyone would like to taste this ice cream. Then ask if mustard and ketchup taste good on hot dogs or if mayonnaise and mustard are
good on sandwiches. Explain that many activities are appropriate but not on Sundays. Talk about what activities might be appropriate on other days but not Sundays.
Close by explaining that just as mayonnaise and ketchup are not appropriate on ice-cream sundaes, there are many activities that are not appropriate on Sundays.

Scripture: Moses 3:3.

My son said he would eat the ice cream with the yucky toppings, but when I put the spoon to his mouth, he changed his mind. This was a great activity, appropriate for
all ages. I also used this same activity as an object lesson with my Young Women. We also had one girl say she would try the crazy concoction.

Family Teaching Activity 87: Spiritual Gifts

Materials needed: Magazines and Ensigns.

Get a magazine with pictures: Architectural Digest, Vogue, or whatever you have around the house. Then get a copy of the Ensign. You may want to have several
copies so each family member has a set of magazines. Have your family look through the regular magazines and pick out things they want. This might include toys, cars,
houses, and so on. Then have them look through the Ensign for some spiritual things they might want. Contrast the two choices. Talk about how we can take spiritual
gifts with us when we die, but worldly gifts must stay behind. Talk about the importance of focusing on spiritual gifts and nourishment.

Scripture: Moroni 10:8.

The contrast between the magazines was shocking even for me. There was Jesus and then a fast car and the fast life. Everyone agreed we would rather have Jesus in
our life.

Tuning In to the Spirit

"The still, small voice is so quiet that you won't hear it when you're noisy inside." -Henry B. Eyring

R ighteous mothers have a connection with the Lord that allows them to receive promptings from the Spirit to guide them in raising their children. Once when my dad
took my brother and sister and me out to dinner, we began talking about what a blessing it is that all seven of us children are active in the Church and have a testimony
of the gospel. We were all putting in our two cents about why we think that happened, but my brother hit the nail on the head. He said, "Dad, I think it is because you
were so in tune with the Spirit. Sometimes, especially when I was a teenager, you would sit me down and ask, 'How is your life going?' I would reply it was going well.
Then you would ask, 'Then why is the Spirit telling me differently?'" My brother lamented, "How can a person fight with that? You cannot very well say, 'Dad, the Spirit
is lying to you.'" My dad said that there are many things to worry about as a parent, but the key to effective parenting is listening to the Spirit.

Putting Faith in Parenting Promptings

I was talking with a neighbor about how many physical dangers there are for young children. They can break legs and arms, get run over by cars, and be poisoned by
cleaning solutions. The list is endless. But, we decided, we need to have faith in the Lord. When it is our children's time to leave this earth, nothing can stop them from
returning to Heavenly Father. We need to be prayerful instead of anxious. Of course, we also keep our children away from dangerous situations. But faith has helped
me to not worry about every possible problem. As mothers, we need to be divinely connected. When we get a thought in our mind to check on a child, we should not
doubt it. We should go and check immediately.

Listen for and heed the gentle whisperings and sometimes loud thoughts that come.

Move the Sprite Can

One day I was going shopping and promised the children a treat. While leaving the store, I grabbed a can of Sprite to keep my promise. I got home and unloaded the
car but forgot to get the Sprite can. Then the thought came to move the Sprite can. I ignored the thought and went to bed. The next day, as I got into the car, the
thought came again to move the Sprite can. I just figured this was my own thinking. I drove to my destination, not giving the Sprite can another thought. Then, as I went
to lock the car, the thought came again to move the Sprite can. Yet again, I didn't pay attention. When I came back out to the car, I looked at the windows and then up
at the sky. I thought, "That's strange; I didn't know it was raining." Well, it was not raining outside my car; it was raining inside my car. The Sprite can had exploded. I
could barely sit in the driver's seat because it was so sticky. Luckily, being sticky is something I am used to, so I just drove the car home and cleaned up the mess.
Reflecting back, I realized that the thoughts that came to me were the promptings of the Spirit. I thought, "Why would the Lord care about a Sprite can or my laundry
or other things I have thoughts about?" The soft answer came, "A constant companion." I still keep the distorted Sprite can in my kitchen as a reminder of this lesson.

Listen the first time so you do not have to learn a lesson the hard way.

Take Time to Tune In to the Spirit

Learning from experiences like that one has helped me tune in to the Sprit. When a prompting comes into my mind, I do not just wave it away, thinking it is my own
thought. I figure even if it is just me, it cannot hurt to listen. Luckily, this training helped me save my son's life.

My second son loves to run down the hill on our street, and I end up chasing him down the hill over and over again. (See how well my toddlers behave?) One day, my
daughter had a two-year-old friend over to swim. We were in the front yard, and I had already chased my toddler down the hill several times. I was getting tired, so I
just let him run a little farther to see what he would do. Then I retrieved him again from the bottom of the hill. When I reached the top, I put him down and then sat
down in a chair on the lawn. Immediately he began running away again. I had the strongest prompting to go and get my son immediately. I was tired, but I knew the
consequence of not listening to the promptings. I immediately got up and began to chase him. My neighbor had one car parked in the driveway and one car parked in
the garage. Just as my son passed the parked car in the driveway, I reached him. Then I saw my neighbor backing out of his garage. He would not have been able to
see my son because of the parked car in the driveway. My son would have been run over for sure. I grabbed him in my arms and said a prayer of heartfelt thanks to
Heavenly Father for allowing me to hear the promptings of the Spirit.
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I think it is also important to teach our children to recognize the Spirit. I have had many talks with my children about the Spirit's promptings. My six-year-old
feels the Spirit in his heart or Jesus will tell him something in his brain.
the garage. Just as my son passed the parked car in the driveway, I reached him. Then I saw my neighbor backing out of his garage. He would not have been able to
see my son because of the parked car in the driveway. My son would have been run over for sure. I grabbed him in my arms and said a prayer of heartfelt thanks to
Heavenly Father for allowing me to hear the promptings of the Spirit.

I think it is also important to teach our children to recognize the Spirit. I have had many talks with my children about the Spirit's promptings. My six-year-old says he
feels the Spirit in his heart or Jesus will tell him something in his brain.

I thought about giving up on this book many times. In spite of my discouragement, I began to write again. My six-year-old came in and said, "Mommy, I thought you
were not writing your book anymore." I told him I was going to keep on trying and asked him what he thought. He replied, "Mommy, you are supposed to write this
book. That is what Jesus tells me in my heart." What a tender moment to share. Even sometimes when we are discouraged, our children teach us. I am so thankful the
Lord gave us the opportunity to be connected to Him through the Spirit.

Create time in your busy mothering to ponder and listen.

Summary

Tuning in to the Spirit can lighten your parenting load. Creating a partnership with the Lord helps make parenting young children a wonderful experience for the child
and the mother.

Making It Work

Analyze the ways you feel the Spirit. There are three main ways I feel and recognize the Spirit. The first way is through thoughts that come to my mind. The second way
is that when I hear something that is true, I get a "rush" of the Spirit. I will get goosebumps, or feel like crying, or get a warm feeling. The final way for me is that when
something is wrong, I get a foreboding feeling or feel anxious or nervous. This has happened several times and I have stopped whatever I was doing or tried to change
my direction. I know each person feels the Spirit a little differently. Tune into your own feelings and analyze how you feel the Spirit.

Thank Heavenly Father. The more you recognize and respond to the Spirit, the more you feel the Spirit. What an amazingly simple concept. The more times you do not
listen, the more out of tune you get. Whenever I feel the Spirit and recognize it, I thank Heavenly Father for the experience. This shows gratitude for everything
Heavenly Father has given us. (See D&C 59:21.)

Help your children, even if they are young, to recognize the Spirit. When you have an experience with the Spirit, talk to your children about it, if you feel it is
appropriate. Go over ways your children can feel the Spirit. If the Spirit tells you something about your children, explain to them that it came from the Spirit. Also, if you
have bad feelings about something, explain to your children about the feelings and their source and what might happen if you do not obey your feelings.

Family Teaching Activity 88: Guidance of the Spirit

Materials needed: Books.

Plan a lesson for family night on the Spirit. Explain to your children the different ways the Spirit can be recognized: thoughts, a feeling of warmth, a warning. Get out
several books. Have each person pick up a book and have it represent a problem he or she faces in life. This may include being teased at school, obeying, or being
reverent in church. Teenage problems may be peer pressure, developing talents, balancing time, keeping commandments, keeping the Word of Wisdom, and so on.
Have each person place the book on the floor. Ask for a volunteer to walk from one point to the other. The books will be in the middle of the pathway. Have the
person close his or her eyes and try to walk the path without touching any books. Then have the person do it with open eyes. Explain that open eyes represent the
knowledge the Holy Ghost gives us. Closing our eyes is like facing problems without the Holy Ghost. Bear your testimony about the importance of listening to the
promptings of the Spirit.

Scripture: D&C 8:2.

Even my two-year-old loved this activity. He closed his eyes and walked all over the books. Then, when he opened his eyes, he still walked all over the books. He did
it over and over again. My older children hit the books when they closed their eyes and easily came to me without hitting a book with their eyes open. I explained how
the Holy Ghost helps us in our daily lives.

Family Teaching Activity 89: Tuning In

Materials needed: Radio.

Bring in a radio and turn it on loud with static. Then slowly begin to tune in to a station so you can clearly hear the music. Talk with your children about how this is
similar to tuning into the Spirit. Talk about specific ways you can get better reception. Make goals as a family regarding the Spirit.

Scripture: Moroni 7:32.

I have taught this lesson to our children and many others at a baptism. Even the adults present appreciated the application. When I did this with our children, we blasted
the static, and it was almost unbearable. When we tuned into the station, we were all relieved. We talked about saying prayers of thanks when we feel the Spirit,
obeying parents, reading scriptures, and saying prayers every day to help us tune in.

Family Teaching Activity 90: The Warning

Materials needed: Alarm clock.

Before family night starts, hide an alarm clock in the room and have it set to go off about four minutes after you start family night. Do your normal song and introduction.
When the alarm clock goes off, have the children look for it. When they find it, have them turn it off. Talk about how Heavenly Father gives us warnings, just as the
alarm clock did. Talk about how it feels when you receive a warning or when you are doing something the Lord does not want you to do. Bear your testimony about
the importance of having the Holy Ghost as a constant companion.

Scripture: D&C 18:18.

Sometimes we think of the Holy Ghost only as a comforter. This lesson helped us recognize that he can also warn us. We talked about the situation when I had a bad
feeling about
 Copyright   (c)my  brother driving
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                               Infobase   to LasCorp.
                                                Vegas. My brother decided to stay at our house for the night and got a good night's rest. The next day he made 73
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safely, but later that night he had problems with his gall bladder and had to go into emergency surgery. We talked as a family about what might have happened if he had
decided not to listen to the warning.
Scripture: D&C 18:18.

Sometimes we think of the Holy Ghost only as a comforter. This lesson helped us recognize that he can also warn us. We talked about the situation when I had a bad
feeling about my brother driving home to Las Vegas. My brother decided to stay at our house for the night and got a good night's rest. The next day he made it home
safely, but later that night he had problems with his gall bladder and had to go into emergency surgery. We talked as a family about what might have happened if he had
decided not to listen to the warning.

Conclusion: Endure to the End

"There are two ways to look at things. One is that nothing is a miracle. The other is that everything is." -Albert Einstein

O ne day a friend called and asked if she could stop by. I told her that would be great, but right before she arrived my daughter got an owie on her toe, and my two
youngest were crying in stereo discord at full volume. She asked, "Do you want me to come back another time?" I thought about it for a few seconds and then replied
with a smile, "No, this is about as good as it gets around here." She laughed but agreed that her house had a very similar ambience. She plopped down on the family
room couch with her baby in a carrier, which engulfed her body. As her two-year-old clung to her legs, she asked, "How do you not just pull your hair out when being
with kids all day? I really do not know if I can handle any more kids." I replied, "Well, my mom tells me they grow up fast, and before you know it they are gone. The
hard part with young kids is enduring to the end of their childhood with a smile on your face-especially when you have a two-year-old and a newborn." She said, "Yes,
but I have to carry my baby around in a carrier all day. If I leave her on a blanket to play on the floor, my two-year-old will step on her head-on purpose." I told her
once I was carrying my baby on my hip, and my baby bonked his head on the paneling near the door. I felt so terrible, yet, we all seem to survive. The first few years
can be challenging, but they are also rewarding and unforgettable. Sometimes the road seems so long and the nights so tiring and the days are just a blur of spit-up and
children's and mom's tears. As a mother I want to do more than just endure; I want to choose to be happy.

As R. D. Ramsey has said, "Dare to be confused. It's a natural state of motherhood. Raising children is a confusing process. Be wary of those mothers who act certain
of what they're doing. Never apologize for your confusion. Enjoy it. Sometimes we have to be confused before we can see clearly later on. Thought: I will share my
confusion. Part of motherhood is muddling through." (Mother's Wisdom: A Book of Thoughts and Encouragements, Contemporary Books, 1995, 57.)

I hope these descriptions of my experiences that I "muddled through" will help you. The only people who know what will work for your family is you and Heavenly
Father. Each child you have is unique and will need his or her own special mothering.

Creating unity in our homes is a lifelong process. Like a wave that ebbs and flows, the unity in our homes will also differ from time to time. It takes time to develop
unity, and just when I think I have unity accomplished, I have another baby and the process starts anew.

For me, unity includes five things:

Understanding the essentials.

Never-ending happiness.

Insights.

Time.

Yearning for the Spirit.

Understanding the Essentials

The other night at dinnertime, my daughter's fidgety fingers managed to spill various items several times within fifteen minutes. I thought, "Thank goodness we do not
make a big deal out of spills or I would have gone crazy by now." We need to understand that our children are learning and will make mistakes. That means we as
mothers must sometimes hold in our emotions and bite our tongues. Inside we might be yelling or frustrated, but we must strive to show patience and longsuffering to
our children. Let's make our homes into learning grounds for children, where blemishes and triumphs are approached with love. One encouraging thought I would like
to leave is that we should simply try our best and give unconditional love.

Recently I purchased some sleeping bags for our children so we could go camping. (I stayed within the seven-dollar rule by finding them on sale.) The sleeping bags
ended up all over the house, and they made everything look like a big mess. After I picked up and folded the sleeping bags for the twentieth time (okay, maybe fourth
time, but it seemed like twenty) I wondered why I did not just put them in the garage until the kids asked for them next time. My mother reminds me, "It is better to be
happy and messy than to be clean and mean." Of course, best of all is to be happy and clean, so keep your household chores in perspective and remember that the real
purpose of tasks is to strengthen your relationships.

Never-Ending Happiness

On one outing to the store, I had the audacity to try to bring all the children with me. At the time I had only three but was nine months pregnant with my fourth child.
The children were dressed in mismatching outfits they had chosen after running through the sprinklers outside. My toddler had chocolate all over his face from a half-
eaten candy bar he found in a crevice in his car seat. Of course, I saw three people I knew, because that always happens to me when I do not want to see anyone. As
I went up and down the aisles, my two oldest children began holding the cart and getting rambunctious. The cart ran over my son's foot and mine more than once, and
my patience was growing thinner by the minute. I decided to rent a movie for the kids, and the store policy would not let me take my cart into the movie section. While
inside the movie section, I held my toddler as he threw a tantrum, and my other two children were making a spectacle of themselves. My daughter knocked over one of
the movie shelves, and videos went flying all over the floor. I know what you are thinking: "Go home!" But I was already out and about, my groceries were in the cart
and unpaid for, and we were out of milk and cold cereal, mainstays in our home. The cashier gave me one of those looks as he noticed my bulging belly: I cannot
believe you are going to have another baby. Then he said to me in brusque tones, "Hard day?" I just rolled my eyes and thought he could not even begin to know. My
credit card wouldn't go through, so I had to dig through my purse to find enough cash to pay. Finally, we got to the car, and as I was loading the groceries, I said, "I'm
happy, I'm happy, I'm happy." By the time I got into the car, I felt a lot better. I try to remind myself how happy I am in general to help me through those difficult days.
How you feel about yourself can definitely affect your mothering skills. Be happy with little things and remind yourself how wonderful it is to be a mother, even though
sometimes it can be hard.

Insights: Tidbits of Wisdom

As Mr. Rogers says, we should encourage our children by saying, "I like you just the way you are!" Almost without exception, children are lovable and capable.
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Children have great potential, regardless of the stage they are going through. Let your children know they will be loved. Support your children while they are growing
up and during growing pains. The love of a mother should always be unconditional.
Insights: Tidbits of Wisdom

As Mr. Rogers says, we should encourage our children by saying, "I like you just the way you are!" Almost without exception, children are lovable and capable.
Children have great potential, regardless of the stage they are going through. Let your children know they will be loved. Support your children while they are growing
up and during growing pains. The love of a mother should always be unconditional.

As R. D. Ramsey has said, "There's no place a child can hide that a mother's love cannot find. Be sure your children understand this fact of life. At some point it may
console them on a cold night a long way from home. Thought: I will let our children know that my love comes with a lifetime guarantee." (Mother's Wisdom, 57.)

Time: It's All We've Got

Spending time with your children is, most of the time, a wonderful experience for both children and parents-unless you have a grocery store excursion like mine, and
even then your interpretation of each situation is crucial. Enjoy and love your children everyday regardless of the daily bloopers, because time goes by so fast, and
before we know it, we have endured to the end of their childhood days. The irony of raising young children is the paradox that time goes so slow and so fast at the
same time.

Being a mother is wonderful, but we must also find a little time for ourselves so we have something to give to our children. My friend read an article that talked about a
mother searching for happiness. The mother looked in many books that encouraged developing hobbies and talents. The mother in this article did not think this was
appropriate for her. My friend lamented, "I feel guilty if I spend time on things I enjoy doing." I think as mothers we should not be critical of other mothers who stay
home all the time, work full-time, work part-time, or spend balanced time enjoying their hobbies and talents. All mothers around the world are on the same team with
the same goal: raising righteous children. I urged my friend not to feel guilty about developing herself. She should not compare herself to another mother who found a
different answer for her situation. Having support from family, friends, and an occasional babysitter while you take a small recess is okay, and staying with your children
all the time is okay too. I think the key is to balance in a manner that is right for our own families. The balance of time is individual and will differ for each person.
Spending excessive time on hobbies or work may hinder your mothering, but not spending any time on yourself can also hinder your mothering.

Yearning for the Spirit

I am terrible with directions, and I often get turned around even when the streets are marked by coordinates. My husband and I recently went to the Parade of Homes,
which displays new beautiful homes and gives people like me great decorating ideas. My husband wanted me to be the co-pilot and direct him with a map to the next
home while he was driving. Even though I knew where we wanted to end up, I still could not quite figure out how to use the map, because I did not know which way
was north on the map. Finally, my husband got me oriented, and I turned the map in the right direction. With my husband's help, we found the next house in the parade.
Motherhood is similar to finding a home with a map. We have the directions in front of us and know what kind of mother we want to be and how we want our children
to turn out (perfect, of course), yet we can still get turned around. The key to mothering is like finding north on the map. We need to center our lives on Heavenly
Father and Jesus Christ and rely on them when we are having problems. Once we find our center in the gospel of Christ, everything else seems to fall in place.

Making It Work

Congratulate yourself. Take time every day to think about what you have done well in your mothering. Take a few minutes and record your thoughts in your journal so
you can look back on how you were feeling.

Remind your children they have a lifetime guarantee. Tell your children no matter what they do or where they live, you will always love them, and they have that lifetime
guarantee. When one of our children was in trouble, I heard a sob and then "You don't love me anymore." I quickly explained that I love our chil dren no matter what
they do, and I did not even give the "but . . ." My love was truly unconditional. It is important to remind our children that we love them regardless of their actions, which
we often do not love.

Develop your self-esteem. As a teenager, I was constantly encouraged to have positive self-esteem through the Young Women program and from my own mother.
When I became a mother, I did not have that constant reminder. Developing your own self-esteem can help you be a better mother. Look in the mirror and give
yourself daily affirmation by saying, "I am a wonderful mother with many gifts and talents to share with our children."

Family Teaching Activity 91: Queen or King for a Day

Schedule a special day for each of your children to be queen or king for the day. We like to schedule this day on their half birthdays. Start by making them breakfast in
bed, and, of course, they will have no chores for the day. Let the queen or king plan one fun activity for the day and then have the family go on the activity. Finish by
having an Alice in Wonderland un-birthday party for the king or queen, complete with a small present to open and a cake. Talk about how if we obey the principles of
the gospel, we can someday become kings and queens.

Scripture: D&C 88:107.

Our children love to be treated like queens and kings. This activity can be performed over and over. My son planned an activity for us to buy burritos at our favorite
Mexican taco shop and then play at the park. We all had a wonderful day. He said over and over with awe and majestic reverence, "You have to do what I say
because I am the king."

Family Teaching Activity 92: Gutter Guard Bowling

Plan a date to go bowling with the family. Ask the attendant at the bowling alley to put up the gutter guards, even for you, and let the younger children use the ball-
rolling apparatus to help their ball gain speed and direction. After you have bowled, talk about how Heavenly Father has put up the gutter guards for us by having the
plan of salvation. If we sin, the law of justice requires a consequence to follow, so we could end up in the gutter. Through repentance, we are able to stay on the
pathway to eternal life. Talk about what guides the Lord gives us to stay on the path (prophets, the Church, laws, and the scriptures).

Scripture: Ether 11:8.

Do I have to admit this? My six-year-old beat me in bowling when we did this activity. He was elated at his performance, and I was a bit humiliated but expected this
result. (My bowling arm was a little rusty.) Regardless, with coupon in hand we saved a bit of money and had a wonderful time bowling and then applying gospel
principles.

Family Teaching Activity 93: Candlelight for Six?
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Plan a special dinner for your family, making their favorite meal. Instead of eating on your regular plates, get out the fine china and crystal goblets and be sure to light the
candles, dim the lights, and play some appropriate dinner music. Have your children dress up for the occasion. Buy some sparkling apple juice to drink. Have a formal
meal with three distinct courses. First, have an appetizer and salad. Then, before the main course, bring out a small scoop of sorbet as a palate change. The second
principles.

Family Teaching Activity 93: Candlelight for Six?

Plan a special dinner for your family, making their favorite meal. Instead of eating on your regular plates, get out the fine china and crystal goblets and be sure to light the
candles, dim the lights, and play some appropriate dinner music. Have your children dress up for the occasion. Buy some sparkling apple juice to drink. Have a formal
meal with three distinct courses. First, have an appetizer and salad. Then, before the main course, bring out a small scoop of sorbet as a palate change. The second
course is the main course. Finally, do not forget the delectable third course, dessert.

Scripture: Isaiah 60:19.

Our children loved to be included on this hot date. It was such a success that we are planning this activity as a yearly event. They particularly liked the sorbet between
the courses. We used this as an opportunity to teach them a little about etiquette:

" Always start on the outside and work to the inside with your silverware.

" Put your napkin on your lap before you start eating.

" Leave a few little items like parsley on your plate so you do not look like you were starving.

" When eating bread, break off a small piece and butter the piece instead of buttering and biting the whole slice.

" Put your knife and fork crossed on the plate to show that you are finished with your meal.

" Remember to say please and thank you or use the magic formula.

Journey Complete

Eleven-Eleven: My friend in Texas pointed out to me that 11:11 is the only time out of the day when all four of the numbers on a digital clock are the same. The clock is
completely unified, so let the time 11:11 be a reminder of the goal of unity in your home.

Give your children "a lift instead of a slam." Our bathroom door is difficult to shut. To close it, I have to slam it several times. Our children also slam the door, following
my example. One day after trying three times to close the door, I decided to slam it extremely hard. I pulled the door back with all my might and gave it a big push.
Well, the door fell off two of its three hinges. I figured the door was doomed to this destiny and set it against the wall. Later, my son went into the bathroom and the
door fell off the third hinge so it was not attached at all. My son was worried and came to explain about the door falling off. We laughed together as I told him the first
part of the story. I recounted this story to my husband when he got home from work, and he asked me why I did not just lift the door up one inch to close it. I told him
I did not know it would close that way, so I just slammed it as hard as I could. The same is true with our parenting; let's try to lift our children instead of giving them a
slam.

Unite as a family. 2 Nephi 1:21 states, "Be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things." Striving for unity in our homes is a lifelong goal. Make mini-
goals regularly and share them with your family as you work together, play together, and pray together. I am a mother, and I am loving it! Like the stripling warriors,
our children will repeat, "We do not doubt our mothers knew it." I believe as we strive to be united as a family, we, as righteous mothers, will receive our reward in
heaven and on earth.

Appendix

Great Easy Recipes

Please read before using these recipes: These simple recipes call for things you usually have in the pantry, which saves you a trip to the store. The key to making quick
dishes is to have your meat already cooked and frozen in serving sizes in the freezer. When I buy meat, I immediately season and cook it. (I always season with garlic
salt, onion salt, oregano, and pepper.) I freeze the meat in plastic bags in serving sizes for each meal (usually 2 pounds of ground beef and 2-3 chicken breasts cubed
or shredded). When I make a casserole, sometimes I try to make two meals. We eat one and freeze the other in disposable aluminum pans. This way we always have a
quick dinner that can be heated on those crazy days that occur way too often. Below are some recipes that take 20 minutes or less to prepare. (That is, 20 minutes if
you have your meat already cooked and thawed.) Top off these meals with a quick green salad and your favorite vegetable.

Note to vegetarians: Replace meat with your favorite steamed vegetables, tofu, or polenta.

Ten Favorite Beef Recipes

Beef Stroganoff

Preparation/Cooking Time: 15 minutes

1 package (16 oz.) fettuccini noodles or three cups rice

1-2 pounds ground beef, flavored with your favorite seasonings

1D 2 cup chopped onion

2 cans (10.5 oz. each) cream of mushroom soup

1 cup water (optional for thinner sauce)

Boil water and cook noodles or rice according to package directions. Defrost cooked frozen beef and add to soup, onions, and water for sauce. Boil beef and sauce.
Serve mixture over noodles or rice. Makes 8 servings.

Bow Tie Pasta
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Preparation/Cooking Time: 10 minutes
Serve mixture over noodles or rice. Makes 8 servings.

Bow Tie Pasta

Preparation/Cooking Time: 10 minutes

1 package (16 oz.) bow tie pasta

1-2 pounds ground beef or chicken, flavored with your favorite seasonings

1 cube (8 oz.) cream cheese

1 cube butter

1 cup milk

1-2 tablespoons lemon juice

2 teaspoons garlic salt

2 teaspoons onion salt

1D 4 cup Parmesan cheese

1 can (4 oz.) mushrooms, stems and pieces

2 artichoke hearts, canned

Boil water and cook pasta according to package directions. Chop up artichoke hearts. Defrost cooked frozen beef and add beef and all other ingredients to pan. Bring
to a boil. Mix pasta and sauce. Makes 8 servings.

Empanadas

Preparation/Cooking Time 15 minutes

3 pounds ground beef, flavored with 1 minced onion and your favorite seasonings

1 can (14.5 oz.) olives

2 packages croissant dough (8 croissants each package)

3-4 eggs

1D 2 cup raisins

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Defrost cooked frozen beef. Boil eggs.

Place 2 tablespoons of beef in middle of croissant dough. Add 1 olive, 1 slice of hard-boiled egg, and 4-6 raisins. Wrap croissant dough around meat mixture so you
cannot see the meat. Bake for 13 minutes or until golden brown. Makes 16 empanadas.

Taco Salad

Preparation/Cooking Time: 10 minutes

1-2 pounds ground beef

1 taco seasoning packet

Ranch or Italian dressing

1 head of lettuce, torn

2 cups tortilla chips, crushed

1 bunch green onions, chopped

1 can (16 oz.) kidney beans

2 avocados, chopped

1-2 cups shredded cheese

3 large tomatoes, diced

1 cup mild or medium salsa

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  carton (8 oz.) sour cream Infobase Media Corp.
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Combine lettuce with optional ingredients. Defrost cooked ground beef and add taco seasoning to beef according to packet. Add ground beef to combined ingredients.
Add salad dressing just before serving and gently toss. Sprinkle with crushed tortilla chips. Makes 6 servings.
3 large tomatoes, diced

1 cup mild or medium salsa

1 carton (8 oz.) sour cream

Combine lettuce with optional ingredients. Defrost cooked ground beef and add taco seasoning to beef according to packet. Add ground beef to combined ingredients.
Add salad dressing just before serving and gently toss. Sprinkle with crushed tortilla chips. Makes 6 servings.

Taco Soup

Preparation/Cooking Time: 15 minutes

1 pound ground beef

1D 2 cup chopped onion

1 taco seasoning packet

2 cans (8 oz. each) tomato sauce

1 can (14.5 oz.) corn

1 can (14.5 oz.) green beans

1 cup sour cream

1-2 cups shredded cheese

2 cups tortilla chips, crushed

1 can (16 oz.) kidney beans

1 avocado, sliced

In a large soup pan, mix green beans (do not drain liquid), corn (do not drain liquid), tomato sauce, kidney beans, cooked ground beef, chopped onion, and 3D 4 of
taco seasoning packet. Bring to a boil and simmer for 10 minutes. Serve in bowls with cheese, avocado, 1 tablespoon sour cream, and chips on top. Makes 10
servings.

Beef Enchiladas

Preparation Time: 10 minutes; Cooking Time: 25 minutes

2-3 pounds ground beef or shredded roast

1D 2 cup chopped onion

1 can (2 1D 4 oz.) chopped or sliced olives

1 can (4 oz.) diced green chilies

2-3 cups shredded cheese

1 can (24 oz.) enchilada sauce

3D 4 cup sour cream

1 avocado

12 tortillas, corn or flour

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Defrost cooked ground beef. Add chopped onion, olives, chilies, 1 cup shredded cheese, and 3D 4 cup enchilada sauce to meat. Roll up
3 tablespoons of the beef mixture in each tortilla and place in greased 9 x 13-inch baking pan. Cover generously with enchilada sauce and then cheese. Cover with
aluminum foil. Bake for 15-20 minutes. Top with sour cream and avocado. Makes 12 enchiladas.

1, 2, 3 Easy Burritos

Preparation/Cooking Time: 10 minutes

2-3 pounds ground beef or shredded roast

1 taco seasoning packet

1D 2 cup chopped onions

1 can (16 oz.) refried beans

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  cups shredded lettuce
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1-2 cups shredded cheese
1D 2 cup chopped onions

1 can (16 oz.) refried beans

2 cups shredded lettuce

1-2 cups shredded cheese

2 large tomatoes, diced

3D 4 cup sour cream

12 tortillas

Defrost cooked ground beef. Add taco seasoning to beef according to packet and heat in microwave or on stovetop. Heat refried beans. Heat tortillas. Roll up 3
tablespoons of the beef mixture in each tortilla. Top with lettuce, tomatoes, and sour cream. Add side of refried beans, or mix beans with beef for the burritos. Makes
12 burritos.

Chinese Stir Fry

Preparation/Cooking Time: 20 minutes

1 pound steak or chicken

1D 2 cup chopped onions

2 teaspoons cooking oil

3 cups cooked rice

4 scrambled eggs

1 package Ramen noodles

2 cups water

4 cups fresh or frozen vegetables (broccoli, carrots, zucchini, bell peppers, mushrooms), sliced or chopped

1D 4 cup soy sauce or 1D 2 cup teriyaki sauce

Cook rice according to package directions. Steam vegetables for 5 minutes. In a large skillet, scramble 4 eggs. Combine all ingredients and cook for 10 minutes.
Makes 8 servings.

Easy Lasagna

Preparation Time: 10 minutes; Cooking Time: 40 minutes

2 cans (15 oz. each) tomato sauce

1 package (15 oz.) lasagna no-bake noodles*

1 container (16 oz.) ricotta or cottage cheese

2 eggs

1D 2 pound ground beef

4-5 cups mozzarella or blended cheese

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a glass pan spread 1D 4 cup of tomato sauce. Cover bottom of pan with uncooked lasagna noodles. Mix ground beef, 1 can of
tomato sauce, 3 cups cheese, eggs, and ricotta or cottage cheese. Place mixture on top of noodles. Add another layer of uncooked lasagna noodles. Cover noodles
with plenty of tomato sauce and cheese. Place aluminum foil over pan. Cook for 45-50 minutes. Makes 8-10 servings.

*Do not cook your lasagna noodles first unless you are freezing for a future meal.

Beef Enchiladas Casserole

Preparation Time: 15 minutes; Cooking Time: 35 minutes

1 pound ground beef (or 2 chicken breasts, cubed)

4 large tortillas (flour or corn)

1 can (24 oz.) enchilada sauce

1 cup sour cream

4-5 cups cheddar
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1 can (2 1D 4 oz.) chopped or sliced olives
1 can (24 oz.) enchilada sauce

1 cup sour cream

4-5 cups cheddar or blended cheese

1 can (2 1D 4 oz.) chopped or sliced olives

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place 1D 4 cup of enchilada sauce in bottom of glass pan. Then cover bottom of pan with one layer of tortillas. (Variation: Cut tortillas
into strips and add to mixture.) Mix together beef, sour cream, 2 cups cheese, olives, and 3D 4 cup enchilada sauce. Cover mixture with another layer of tortillas. Add
the rest of enchilada sauce. Top with the rest of the cheese. Cover with aluminum foil. Bake for 30-35 minutes. Makes 8-10 servings.

10 Favorite Chicken Recipes

Chicken Penne

Preparation/Cooking Time: 15 minutes

2-3 diced chicken breasts cooked with your favorite seasonings

1 pint heavy whipping cream

1 cube butter

2 cups Parmesan cheese

1 teaspoon garlic salt

1 teaspoon onion salt

1 package (16 oz.) penne noodles

1 can (2 1D 4 oz.) chopped or sliced olives

2 artichoke hearts, canned

Boil water and cook noodles according to package directions. In saucepan combine whipping cream, butter, garlic salt, onion salt, and Parmesan cheese, and heat to
boiling for 5 minutes. Add chicken, olives, and chopped artichokes to sauce and boil for 1 more minute. Mix together sauce and noodles. Makes 8-10 servings.

Chicken Dijon

Preparation Time: 10 minutes; Cooking Time: 45 minutes

2-3 diced chicken breasts flavored with your favorite seasonings

2 cans (10.5 oz. each) cream of mushroom soup

3 cups cooked rice

1 cup mayonnaise

1 cup sour cream

2 cups chopped broccoli

4-5 cups shredded cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil water and cook rice according to package directions. Brown chicken. Mix soup, mayonnaise, sour cream, chicken, broccoli, and 2
cups shredded cheese and rice. Put mixture in a 9 x 13-inch baking pan. Top with 2-3 cups shredded cheese. Cover with aluminum foil. Bake for 45 minutes. Makes
8-10 servings.

Stuffed Pillows

Preparation/Cooking Time: 15 minutes

2-3 chicken breasts cooked with your favorite seasonings, cubed

1D 2 cube butter

1D 2 cup onion

1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese

1 teaspoon garlic salt

2 packages (8 croissants each package) croissant dough

Preheat oven
 Copyright (c)to2005-2009,
                 375 degrees.Infobase
                              Brown chicken. Mix chicken, butter, onion, cream cheese, and garlic salt. Place 2 tablespoons of mixture in middle of croissant
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Wrap croissant dough around meat mixture so you cannot see the meat. Bake for 13 minutes or until golden brown. Makes 16 croissants.

Chicken Caesar Salad
1 teaspoon garlic salt

2 packages (8 croissants each package) croissant dough

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Brown chicken. Mix chicken, butter, onion, cream cheese, and garlic salt. Place 2 tablespoons of mixture in middle of croissant dough.
Wrap croissant dough around meat mixture so you cannot see the meat. Bake for 13 minutes or until golden brown. Makes 16 croissants.

Chicken Caesar Salad

Preparation/Cooking Time: 10 minutes

2-3 chicken breasts cooked with your favorite seasonings, cubed

1 package (12-16 oz.) pasta, cooked according to package directions

Caesar salad dressing or cheese and garlic Italian dressing

1 head lettuce, torn

Optional toppings:

2 cups shredded or cubed cheese

1 green pepper, chopped

1 small bunch broccoli, cut into florets

2-3 carrots, sliced

1 small zucchini, thinly sliced

1 red onion, sliced

2 tomatoes, diced

1 cup croutons

10 pepperoni slices

Brown chicken breasts. Cut into long, thin slices. Serve on lettuce with pasta, dressing, and your favorite toppings from the optional list. Makes 10-12 servings.

Chicken Noodle Soup

Preparation/Cooking Time: 15 minutes

2-3 chicken breasts cooked with your favorite seasonings, cubed

1D 2 cup onion, chopped

8 cups water

2 cans (10.5 oz. each) cream of chicken soup

1 package (8 oz.) egg noodles

2 large carrots, peeled and diced

1 celery stick, diced

1 package frozen corn

Broccoli, chopped

1 box crackers

Brown chicken. Mix chicken and other ingredients. Boil on high for 10-15 minutes. Serve with your favorite crackers. Makes 10-12 servings.

Chicken Fajitas

Preparation/Cooking Time: 15 minutes

2-3 chicken breasts

1 onion, diced

1 green pepper, diced

Garlic salt to(c)taste
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Onion salt taste
1 onion, diced

1 green pepper, diced

Garlic salt to taste

Onion salt taste

Pepper to taste

2 large tomatoes, diced

12 flour tortillas

2 cups shredded cheese

1 cup sour cream

1 avocado, sliced

Brown chicken. Add onion, green pepper, garlic salt, onion salt, and pepper. Cook 5-10 minutes. Add diced tomatoes and cook for 3 more minutes. Heat tortillas in
microwave, fill with 3 tablespoons meat mixture and cheese, and roll. Top with sour cream and avocado. Makes 8-10 servings.

Chicken Manicotti

Preparation Time: 20 minutes; Cooking Time: 30 minutes

2 packages (8 oz.) manicotti shells

2 pounds chicken

1 package (16 oz.) cottage or ricotta cheese

4-5 cups shredded cheese

1 tablespoon parsley

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon pepper

1 can (16 oz.) tomato sauce

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil manicotti according to package directions and let cool. Brown chicken and shred. Mix cottage cheese, 3 cups shredded cheese,
shredded chicken, parsley, salt, and pepper. Stuff cooked manicotti noodles with mixture. Top with tomato sauce and shredded cheese. Bake for 30 minutes. Makes
8-12 servings.

Tepanyaki Special

Preparation/Cooking Time: 20-30 minutes

2-3 chicken breasts, cubed

1 package (16 oz.) spaghetti noodles

2 tablespoons olive oil

1D 2 cup teriyaki sauce

Salt

Fresh mushrooms, sliced

2 large zucchinis, sliced

1 large onion, sliced

2 tablespoons butter

3 cups cooked rice

1 egg

1 cup frozen peas

Brown chicken. Cook spaghetti noodles according to package directions and drain. Heat 2 tablespoons of oil in a large pan or wok and add noodles and 1D 2 cup
teriyaki sauce. Fry for 2 minutes. In another pan saut onion, mushrooms, and zucchini in butter for about 10 minutes, or until vegetables are soft.
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Stir Fry Rice

Scramble 2 eggs and mix with cooked rice and 1 cup of peas. Fry for 5 minutes and add salt to taste. Serve meat and vegetables over rice and noodles. Makes 8-12
1 cup frozen peas

Brown chicken. Cook spaghetti noodles according to package directions and drain. Heat 2 tablespoons of oil in a large pan or wok and add noodles and 1D 2 cup
teriyaki sauce. Fry for 2 minutes. In another pan saut onion, mushrooms, and zucchini in butter for about 10 minutes, or until vegetables are soft.

Stir Fry Rice

Scramble 2 eggs and mix with cooked rice and 1 cup of peas. Fry for 5 minutes and add salt to taste. Serve meat and vegetables over rice and noodles. Makes 8-12
servings.

Cordon Bleu*

Preparatory Time: 20 minutes; Cooking Time: 45-60 minutes

8 chicken breasts, tenderized (pound with a kitchen hammer or glass)

8 mozzarella cheese sticks

8 slices of pressed ham, rolled

30 Ritz crackers, smashed

1 cube butter, melted

24 toothpicks

Sauce

1 can (10.5 oz.) cream of chicken soup

1D 2 cup sour cream

1 teaspoon lemon juice

1D 3 cup water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter the bottom of a 9 x 13-inch glass baking pan. Dip chicken breasts in melted butter and then in the Ritz cracker crumbs. Roll a ham
slice around a mozzarella cheese stick and place in the middle of each chicken breast. Fold chicken breasts in half and secure with two toothpicks. Bake for 45-60
minutes. Combine sauce ingredients in saucepan and warm on low. Pour sauce over chicken breasts and serve. Makes 8 servings.

*Thanks to Melissa Keller for this awesome recipe.

Chicken Enchilada Divine

Preparatory Time: 15 minutes; Cooking Time: 35 minutes

2-3 chicken breasts, shredded

1 can (24 oz.) enchilada sauce

1D 2 cup chopped onion

10 tortillas (flour or corn) cut into bite-size pieces

2 cups sour cream

2 cans (10.5 oz. each) cream of chicken soup

1 can (4 oz.) diced chilies

4-5 cups grated cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place 1D 4 cup enchilada sauce in bottom of glass baking pan. Rip tortillas into 2 inch strips and layer in pan. Mix together chicken,
onion, sour cream, cream of chicken soup, chilies, 2 cups grated cheese, and half the remaining enchilada sauce. Spread mixture in pan. Cover mixture with more
tortilla strips. Top with cheese. Cover with aluminum foil. Bake for 35 minutes, uncovering for last 5 minutes of baking. Makes 8-12 servings.

Delicious and Easy Desserts

Fast and Yummy Toffee

Preparation/Cooking Time: 5 minutes; Refrigeration Time: 10 minutes

1 cup butter (2 cubes)

1 cup sugar

1 tablespoon water
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1 bag milk chocolate chips

Add butter, sugar, and water to a saucepan and boil until mixture turns golden brown (2-5 minutes after boiling). Cover a cookie sheet with aluminum foil. Spread
1 cup sugar

1 tablespoon water

1 bag milk chocolate chips

Add butter, sugar, and water to a saucepan and boil until mixture turns golden brown (2-5 minutes after boiling). Cover a cookie sheet with aluminum foil. Spread
boiled mixture on aluminum foil. Allow to cool for 1 minute. Pour chocolate chips on top and spread as they melt. Refrigerate for 10 minutes.

Ritzy, Quick Banana Cream Pie

1 box banana cream instant pudding

1 3D 4 cups milk

1 container (8 oz.) whipped cream

2 fresh bananas

Mix banana cream pudding with milk. Stir out all lumps. Pour pudding mix into crust. Chill for 1 hour. Top with whipped topping. Add fresh banana slices and serve.
Note: Bananas will turn brown if you leave them on too long. Add bananas just before serving.

Candy Bar Pie

1 container (8 oz.) whipped cream

1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

2 cups of your favorite candy bar, cut into small pieces

Whip together cream cheese and 3D 4 of the whipped cream. Mix in 1 cup of candy bar. Add mixture to pie crust. Chill pie for 2 hours. Top with 1 cup of candy bar
and remaining whipped cream before serving.

Easy Fruit Pie

1D 4- 1D 2 cup lemon juice (add more for tangier taste)

3-4 cups of your favorite fruit (frozen, fresh, or canned; if using canned fruit, drain first)

1 container (8 oz.) whipped cream

Mix together sweetened condensed milk, lemon juice, and fruit. Pour into graham cracker crust. Chill for 10 minutes. Add whipped cream before serving.

Candy Bar Cookies

1 cake mix (18.25 oz.)

1D 2 cup butter, softened

1 egg

1 package (13 oz.) Rolos or 5 Twix, Snickers, Milky Way, or Butterfinger candy bars, cut into 1-2 inch pieces

Preheat oven to 375. Mix together cake mix, butter, and egg. Form mixture around candy bar pieces. Bake 9-10 minutes. Do not overbake. Makes 4-5 dozen
cookies.

Caramel Bake

1D 2 cup butter or margarine, softened

1 chocolate cake mix (18.25 oz.)

2 packages (6 oz. each) butterscotch, chocolate chip, white chocolate, or peanut butter chips.

Mix cake mix and butter. Press mixture firmly into 9 x 13-inch baking pan. Add selected chips to top. Spread sweetened condensed milk evenly across pan. Bake for
30 minutes and cool.

Easy Cheesecake

1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

1 tablespoon lemon juice

Optional:

2 cups fresh fruit or pie filling fruit

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  container (c) 2005-2009,
            (8 oz.) whipped Infobase
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Chocolate, strawberry, or caramel sauce
Optional:

2 cups fresh fruit or pie filling fruit

1 container (8 oz.) whipped cream

Chocolate, strawberry, or caramel sauce

Mix together cream cheese, lemon juice, and condensed milk. Pour into in graham cracker crust. Chill for 25 minutes. Add fresh fruit and whipped cream if desired.
Drizzle with chocolate, strawberry, or caramel sauce and serve.

Easy Caramel Dip

6 apples

Boil can of condensed milk on low for three hours. Serve with sliced apples.

Pizza Cookie

Sugar Cookie

3D 4 cup sugar

1D 3 cup butter, softened

1D 3 cup vegetable oil

1 tablespoon milk

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 egg

1 1D 2 cup all-purpose flour

1 1D 2 teaspoon baking powder

1D 4 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon sugar

Heat oven to 375 degrees. In large bowl, beat sugar, butter, oil, milk, vanilla extract, and egg until light and fluffy. Stir in flour, baking powder, and salt; blend well.
Spread evenly in ungreased 15 x 10 x 1-inch baking pan or pizza pan. Sprinkle with 1 tablespoon sugar. Bake 10-12 minutes or until light golden brown. Spread with
cream cheese frosting and serve.

Cream Cheese Frosting

1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

1 pound box powdered sugar

4 teaspoons butter

1 tablespoon vanilla

Fresh or canned fruit

Food coloring

Mix all ingredients with electric mixer until soft. Spread on baked cookie. Add your favorite fresh or canned fruit, such as kiwi, strawberries, peaches, blueberries,
raspberries

Candace's Carmel Dip

1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened

1 package Skor bar toffee chips

1D 2 cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon vanilla

4 fresh sliced apples

Mix together ingredients (except apples) and serve with fresh sliced apples. The toffee chips will go soft, so eat within three hours.

Ideas to Impress the In-laws
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Roast Galore

Preparation Time: 15 minutes; Cooking Time: 20 minutes per pound
Mix together ingredients (except apples) and serve with fresh sliced apples. The toffee chips will go soft, so eat within three hours.

Ideas to Impress the In-laws

Roast Galore

Preparation Time: 15 minutes; Cooking Time: 20 minutes per pound

4 cups water

2-pound roast

10 potatoes, cut in round slices with peels on (make baked potatoes if you prefer by wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil)

1 pound baby carrots, sliced and peeled (buy them this way)

1 onion, sliced

Onion salt

Garlic salt

Seasoning salt

Pepper

1 can cream of mushroom soup (if you do not want to make gravy)

Add water (and soup) to the bottom of a baking pan or a Crock-Pot. Add potatoes, carrots, and onion. Put roast on top of vegetables and add onion salt, garlic salt,
seasoning salt, and pepper to taste. Cook at 350 degrees for 20 minutes per pound.

Gravy

Water from baking pan

2 tablespoons flour

1 cup water

1 teaspoon salt

1 beef bouillon cube

Pour liquid from cooked roast into saucepan and boil. Mix 1 cup water and 2 tablespoons flour in separate cup. Stir until all lumps are gone. Add flour mixture to
boiling liquid. Boil for 3 minutes. Continue stirring while boiling until gravy thickens. Add 1 teaspoon salt. Add 1 bouillon cube if the gravy does not taste rich enough.
Note: If you want thicker gravy, make another batch of flour mixture and add to boiling liquid.

Grandma Bonelli's Leftover Roast Stew

Preparation Time: 15 minutes; Cooking Time: 20 minutes

Leftover roast chunks

5 thinly sliced potatoes

Several thinly sliced carrots

1 can (14.5 oz.) corn

1 can (14.5 oz.) green beans

2 beef bouillon cubes

10 cups water

2 cans (10.5 oz. each) cream of mushroom soup

Mix all ingredients and boil for 20 minutes.

Grandma Ashworth's Famous Homemade Bread

Preparation Time: 20 minutes; Rise Time: 1 hour; Cooking Time: 30 minutes

1 cup warm water

4 tablespoons yeast

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1 stick butter, melted
1 cup warm water

4 tablespoons yeast

1 cup sugar

1 stick butter, melted

2 tablespoons salt

4 1D 2 cups warm water

6-7 cups flour

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour bread pans (or use nonstick bread pans). Mix together warm water, yeast, and sugar, and set aside for 5 minutes. Then
add melted butter, salt, warm water, and 5 cups flour. Stir together until blended. Add 6-cups flour. Mix and knead until smooth. Roll out, divide twice, and put in 4
bread pans. Place towel over the pans and let dough rise until 1 inch above the rim. Bake 30 minutes. (Note: If bread does not rise, check your yeast and water
temperature.) Top with butter.

Optional Cinnamon Rolls

Roll out dough into a large rectangle. Mix 1D 4 cup cinnamon and 1D 2 cup sugar and spread over dough. Roll the dough into a large long cylinder. Take a piece of
thread and place it around the rolls to cut into cinnamon rolls. Let rise for 1 hour. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes. Top with favorite frosting. (Chocolate or cream
cheese frosting are particularly yummy.)

Optional Twist Rolls

Take a small ball of dough and roll it long and thin. Tie into an overhand knot. Place on a greased baking pan. Let the rolls rise for 1 hour. Bake at 350 degrees for 30
minutes of until golden brown.

Mexican Party Dip

Preparation Time: 10 minutes; Optional Cooking Time: 20 minutes

1 bag tortilla chips

1 can (16 oz.) refried beans

1 bottle mild salsa

2 avocados, mashed and blended with 1 tablespoon lime juice

1 carton (8 oz.) sour cream

4-5 cups grated cheese

Optional items for top:

1 can (2 1D 4 oz.) chopped or sliced olives

2 diced tomatoes

1D 2 cup diced onions

In a glass pan spread refried beans across the bottom. Spread mashed avocados on top of beans. Then layer the salsa on top of avocados. Spread the sour cream on
top of the salsa. Sprinkle on cheese. Add optional items if you want to use them. This dip is great cold or hot. For hot dip, bake at 350 degrees until the cheese melts.

Sources

The Activity Book. Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1977.

Bills, Diane. Secret of Loving Yourself. Audiocassette. Salt Lake City: Covenant Communications, 1997.

Bodine, Richard J., and Donna K. Crawford. The Handbook of Conflict Resolution Education: A Guide to Building Quality Program in the Schools. Hoboken, New
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About the Author

Tamara Fackrell and her husband, Jacob, are the parents of five young children (ages eight, six, four, two, and newborn). A graduate of Brigham Young University and
of the J. Reuben Clark Law School, Tamara has taught hundreds of at-risk youth the principles of conflict resolution. She works one day a week at the J. Reuben
Clark Law School and was the initial director of the Schooley Mediation Program. Tamara was born and raised in Las Vegas and now lives in Utah County with her
family.

Photo by Candace Simpson




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